Monday, February 15, 2010

Holy Mother of God - what is that noise?

Seriously!!! Okay first you should know that we have two kitties so that this story makes sense. Often we have stray cats in the yard and they can get pretty loud once they realize we have kittens inside they’d like to get at.

Sooooo – it’s oh – about 2am and I hear a noise. OMG – it’s a cat. And what the holy hell? It must be wounded – it sounds like it’s dying. *I clear my foggy I used to be sleeping brain* Oh wait – we have cats! That sound could be one of our cats! *Open eyes still squeezed tightly shut pretending this isn’t happening* I lay back down – I must be dreaming – I’m too tired to deal with this crap. JEEESUS – there it is again. What the holy hell is wrong with that thing? Something is wrong – I have to get up – I cannot sleep through this noise one more second. *now no longer sleeping brain realizes I have a husband who could figure this out – I must wake him so I can go back to sleep* I turn over to wake him up – and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD – JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH!

THE
NOISE
IS
HIM!

That’s right people. I said the dying cat, in heat or rabies-stricken cat noise is coming from the man I love more than life itself. I was going to wake him up, scare the hell out of him and tell him to go be a man with big balls and find the source of the noise scaring his girly little wife so he could be the hero I know he wants to be. Now I didn’t know whether to cry or scream bloody murder. So I hit him.

He rolled over.

I cursed at him.

I hit him again for good measure.

I laid my head on the pillow and thought – seriously – the only thing is was good for was a good blog in the morning. Every woman who has dealt with someone snoring can appreciate this story I’m sure. Snoring is one thing but disguising it as an animal in distress – that’s just mean and hateful. Wait until he hears about this tonight. I think I’ll hit him again. It makes me feel a little better.

Did I mention I’m tired?

8 comments:

Band Groupie said...

LOL! I sleep with a dying cat too...his shins are always bruised from me kicking him.

Kim said...

It is a nightly argument with me and my husband about his snoring. When I smack him to roll over he gets mad, but of course he is asleep and has no idea what he's doing!

Drazil said...

OMG - Kim and Band Groupie - you know my pain!

Jennifer said...

This was sooo funny! Thank you for a great laugh. That sound you describe is reminiscent of the sound mine was making on Friday night. UGH!!!

sdh5463 said...

OMG... I know I Know, I Know what you are going thru, BUT tie that snoring in with sleep walking and then you have my DH!!! He finally gave in to my whimpering and got tested and now sleeps with a C-Pap machine... however, at least 2 or 3 times I night I will wake to that thing blowing in my face "as he tries so hard to cuddle with me" OR the snoring because he has taken it off to try and cuddle! We also have 2 cats. so this post really hit home for me! Thanks so much for a great laugh!

Kathi said...

You are hilarious and i've heard that noise too,...uh, described as the crying baby..outside the window, we gotta go help...oh wait, it was me! :) So, get outta my bed then! :) Love your blogging, I'm a fan!

Drazil said...

sdh5463 - OMG sleepwalking too? Holy cow!
Kathy - you are so funny and I love your blog too!
Thanks to both of you for following!

Dirttrackdiva said...

EARPLUGS my sisters. lol I swear by them. Cuz my hubby and my dog snore! LOUDLY!

By the way, I've had a breast reduction. I pretty extensive one. You can email me at wrinkledog2004@yahoo.com or get me on facebook. Just go to my profile and click on my badge and I'll add you. We can chat about it.