Thursday, February 25, 2010

A Plethora of Musings from the 3 of us!

Don't you love the word "plethora"?  I'm going to use it all day....and now on to the musings...

#1 – this is absolutely #1….thank you to everyone who not only reads my blogs but comments. I’m not sure I can ever express what your support and words mean to me. I’ve become a comment whore and swear I’m checking every 5 seconds to see if someone new commented. I’m not even a lap bander and you let me all in – and I feel like I belong….and it makes me smile every day. I will do a post soon on the details of the tummy tuck since so many of you asked.


#2 – Today is one week with no sugar. I should clarify – I’m obviously still eating sugar in regular foods so my “no sugar” to me means no sweets, cakes, cookies, baked goods, desserts (unless they are noted to be SF) or candy or chocolate. This is pretty monumental for me. I’m also a sugar whore. (And a scale whore according to BG’s rules). I’m just an all-around whore apparently.

#3 - The day after I decided to give up sugar I opened a cupboard in my office I hadn’t opened in a while – and what do you think I found??????? Three Musketeers, Reeses PB cups, and peppermint patties. IN MY FACE – taunting me. I swear Drazil and Sheniqua put them there – the freaking idiots. I think this could be that thing they call karma. I mean what are the chances? I give it up – I find a hoard of it. It’s just wrong. (by the way – it remains there – unopened – whispering my name in my darkest withdrawal moments)

#4 – This is Day #2 of DCS (dropped crotch syndrome). As I told my BFF – it’s rather fun scratching and adjusting my fake boy penis with my fake girl nails. It confuses people. They look at me funny. I love it. And DCS is another sign I’m losing weight. An ugly sign – but funny none-the-less. (another ½ lb down – 164 today – woot woot!)

#5 – I don’t like oatmeal. I don’t care if it’s good for me or sticks to my stomach or fills me up or lowers my damn cholesterol. It is mushy. I feel like I’m eating boogers (I’m guessing this is what they feel like in one’s mouth). It is not chewy or crunchy or fun like potato chips. The only thing going for it is it smells good. I made it yesterday and in a very lady-like manner I spit out the first bite and then used it as an air freshener all day. I’m not kidding – three people stopped in my office to ask if I lit a candle. Nope – just my snot-like oatmeal over there in the bowl. I am thinking of molding it into candle shape. Be proud of me for trying it. Ewww.

#6 – Fat people are warm. Okay – now I know this as a fact. As an overweight person I was a sweaty mongrel. I’m a sweat-er. Some people I work with go to the gym during the lunch hour and no one knows. Me? Nope – I walk out of a gym dragging my feet, sweaty crotch, butt and pit marks, and hair dripping like I took a shower….even if I was only there 5 minutes. I am a sweat-er. I hate it. Anywhooooo – I still sweat – no matter how much weight I lose and I literally have THREE fans in my office cuz I’m hot all the time. I wear shorts in the winter. I do not wear a coat unless it’s 20 below. YET – the last few nights I’ve been freezing. This is new. And this really isn’t fun. Though I am not skinny and have a layer of fat left – I am skinny-er than I was and now am cold. Add this to DCS and rings flying off and losing weight may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Has this happened to any of you? Being cold? Or am I losing it?

#7 – Fat people are harder to kidnap. I saw this on a t-shirt yesterday - no lie – it cracked me up. I might buy it and wear it when my hubby wears his “I beat anorexia” shirt. Yes I know – I’m evil – going to hell. Satan is my other BFF.

#8 – People die. This I hate. I have spoken with two parents this week whose children (ages 18 and 23) were killed in car accidents. I can’t look them in the eye. I can’t say any words. They don’t come out. I want to fix it – bring them back – make it okay. I want to say something profound that heals them but the only thing running through my head is “My God – I never ever hope I have to feel what you are feeling.” I want to say “How do you go on?”. But I know none of these things will help. So I stand. I hold their hand for a moment. I give them a look of understanding and I go home and cry for them. I hate that people die….though I know it is the cycle of life.

#9 – Yes, the house my parents lost was my childhood home (some of you asked that). I think I figured out why I can’t let go. That house is real hard evidence I and my childhood existed. Beyond that are only memories – and I can’t touch those. That day every photo of my childhood and my sibling’s childhoods and my parents as children were destroyed. Baby books too. There is no more hard evidence I can ever pass down or reminisce over or show my own children. My childhood only exists in our memories….no hard evidence. You tear down the only evidence left and it becomes a patch of grass. I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

#10 – In my incessant need to read every self-help book known to man…..I’m throwing this out there…..if any of you have childhood issues you feel are still bugging you (who doesn’t?) – I highly recommend Dr. Laura S.’s book – I can’t remember the exact title – Bad Childhood to Good Life or something. My BFF recommended it. It’s amazing. So stunningly revealing that sometimes I know where she’s going with a thought and my eyes don’t want to read it – I have a mini panic attack – because I know with every fiber of my being she is talking about me and how I feel – exactly. Not many people can do that. Get inside your head like that…and be right. Yet I keep reading and learning and changing. She’s as good as Martha Beck in my opinion.

#11 – Lastly – my own NSV - I think I turned a corner, rounded third base, met a milestone, crossed a line……or something. My WHOLE family had takeout ooey-gooey pizza – all hot and lovingly made on my kitchen table. I wanted to roll around it like a pig rolls in mud. But no - what did yours truly eat? Um yah – pizza – but Lean Cuisine pizza. Can you believe it? And the other day someone gave me 3 teeny bite size pieces of candy – know where I put them? Yup – up in the hoarders haven with the other un-opened candy. When Lent is over I’m going to have a mega-binge in honor of Jesus. Oh fine – maybe I’ll give it to the homeless – is that better? For now – I’m hoarding it – as evidence I didn’t eat it. It is proof I do have some self-control – contrary to what the masses have said.


♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Being fat is HARD. Being thin is HARD.
       Choose YOUR hard. ♪

7 comments:

Jen said...

loved reading your plethora of musings today... keep up the good work on your no sugar rule, and execllent job passing up the pizza (my personal weakness). Someday I might be as strong as you! :)

LDswims said...

I love the word plethora, too! I love words...and weird words especially. Weird is a weird word. I'm especially fond of weird.

Good job on the sugar. Not an easy thing to do, that's for sure!

I love your blog. It makes me want my own drazil...I'm sure I've got one...but he doesn't have a cool name!

Kristin said...

I could never live in a house knowing there are Reese's Peanut Butter cups sitting there, taunting me. Perhaps that's why I needed a band?

How awful about the parents who've lost children - is this part of your work, or just a coincidence? Regardless, it must be very very difficult.

As a fellow MAD sweat-er, I totally understand where you're coming from. No coldness here but I'll let you know if it happens.

Rebekah said...

Love your musings!!
#1--do you have a Comment RSS feed? It's a must for every comment whore! :o) Not sure how you get it, but my new blog layout has one and it's great! That way you can catch new comments on OLD posts without having to search thru

#4 what the heck are you talking about DCS!?! I've already got loose skin--are you telling me I"ll have it THERE too?

#5 good for you for trying oatmeal. I can't eat it wet either! I eat mine dry, mixed with ground flax seed, LOTS of cinnamon and a little Splenda Brown sugar.

#7 That's funny!!

#8 Oooooh...SOO know how you feel! My BFF's stepson died 2 years ago this month in a car accident--speeding home because he was late for his curfew. Their last words were angry ones about him being late. There is nothing to say--being there is all you can do.

#9 I totally get why that is sooo hard about your childhood home!! ALL your pictures!! That's so sad! I'm sorry.

#10 Oh, no!! I sense that I'm going to be buying this one soon too! I commute almost 3 hrs a day total, so I go thru audio books like crack. I finally got a subscription to audible.com and now I listen to them on my ipod. That's how I got 4-day-win..and it sucks, because, I'm trying to rewind the dumb ipod to write down all this stuff when AHA moments hit!! Not cool!

#11 That is GREAT!!!!!!!! How exciting!And your stash of candy!?!? That's so great! You're doing awesome!

oh, and--remaining nameless and faceless is perfectly cool! Seriously! I hope no-one I know ever stumbles upon MY blog!!!! At least with yours they would have to search forever to put all the pieces together.

Drazil said...

LDSwims - read my other blog today - lizard naming contest. You can totally have your own lizard.

Kristin - not part of my work - just people I know who recently lost their children. And you understand my sweating! Love that.

Rebekah - you're too funny. Sorry to scare you - DCS - is my PANTS drooping cuz they won't stay around my waist so I look like I have a package "down there". And 3 hours a day? You are such a woman! Yes - you'd love her books if you like Martha Beck! But you're right - with both taking notes is almost a must! Be careful - writing and driving - LOL

Jennifer said...

I love your plethora of musings! Great post. I'm glad you like that book and way to go on no pizza and a whole stash of candy.
I'd have to get rid of it - no way could I have it within a one mile radius.

Miss Tori said...

Yes! I never used to get cold, would only wear my coat when it was windy and snowing. Now? I'm wearing hoodies in the evening rather than my T-shirts. Sweats instead of shorts. My fingers always seem to be chunks of ice. My toes too.

I blame it on my MIL. She jinxed me! She said that once I start losing weight, I'm going to get cold. Ugh, it happened.