Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tummy Tucks and P90X do not play well together...

Have any of you ever done the P90X fitness insanity workouts? Ugh. While I knew they were going to be tough because EVERYONE says this fitness plan kicks your @ss….I didn’t expect to be scared to do the moves. Scared how you ask? Well less than 2 years ago I had a tummy tuck AND I still can’t do ab work. Well I could – but it scares me. Many people believe that a tummy tuck or abdominoplasty is simply the cutting off of extra skin. A breast reduction is simply cutting off skin (I’ve had that too) - but a tummy tuck is not. It is SO much more than that. Note this is why it takes literally days to recover from a breast reduction, but weeks or months or even years to feel normal after a tummy tuck. While the main point is to take off hanging skin (or pita stomach I think one of you coined it) there is another motive to having this surgery too. And that is muscle repair. In a nutshell, the doc literally separates your skin from your muscle and lifts it up. She cuts off the extra skin AND then underneath the skin, she literally sews your ab muscles back up. It is a highly invasive surgery and screws up your lymphatic system and is no walk in the park. Any woman who has had children or lost weight (thereby stretching stomach muscles) probably has torn muscles in their stomach. They separate and the only way to get them tight again is surgery. No diet or workout will ever repair it – believe me – I tried. Anyway – you have to be very careful after a tummy tuck – even of sneezing or coughing or taking a fall – because the muscle repair stitches can come out and be ruined. BUT almost 2 years out there is no danger of that YET I can’t do ab work or yes I refuse to….and girls, I only had a mini tummy tuck – not a full. I can’t imagine. I do a mere situp and it feels like my abs are going to pop – much like my fat rolls burst out of my too-tight jeans at the end of the day and it aches. Hard to explain but let’s just say it doesn’t feel good. So for now – I have the tightest abs known to man – but you can’t see them as Sheniqua (my extra 20 pounds) is guarding them. So yah – that’s excuse #1 never to do P90X – well not now anyway.

Excuse #2 is hardwood floors suck for working out and I’m too cheap to buy a mat. Excuse #3 is that it’s hard to hog the big living room TV for an hour while I make the rest of the family find other things to do. They’ll totally do it – but the woman/mom in me feels guilty of course. Yes, I’m aware this is MY problem. Excuse #4 – I have an uncanny ability to carry muscle like a linebacker for the 49ers. It’s sick. Do I really want to build on that and have MORE muscle? Um no. And who cares if I’m muscle – can anyone see that as I walk around in my professional or casual clothing? Nope. I just want to look and feel thin – I could give a fat baby’s ass about muscle. And for me – losing weight means cardio – lots of cardio and calorie restriction – not muscle building.

Excuse #5 is that I feel like a failure doing these videos. I can’t do all the moves which “Mr. I’m so high on life instructor boy” says is fine – but not in my perfectionist world it isn’t. Isn’t a constant movement (my treadmill) better than me doing two moves, giving the TV the finger, sitting down, and screaming obscenities at the instructor? *Side not - WHY do men instructors insist on wearing skin tight shorts while they instruct??????? I mean yes I’m aware you have a penis – but do I have to see it? Rant over. * I do the treadmill, I am with my husband (he does the elliptical) and I get to watch my favorite episode of Ruby or Biggest Loser or whatever else I can get to motivate my fat baby’s @ss.

So there – how was that for justifying never using P90X again? Pretty good? I mean cuz if those aren’t enough excuses I’m pretty sure I can come up with more.

Now could one you bring me a Pepsi – I can’t freaking move my legs or arms because they are too sore. Sheniqua needs her Pepsi. And Sheniqua will sue P90X if she can’t get one.


Kathi said...

Potty breaks are murder too! But a girl's gotta go!

diane said...

Even the yoga on the power90 kills...the people in the video can barely do it!

AnGèLe said...

I had 2 Full Tummy tuck (first one the MR let go).. most recent one was 3 months ago and Ive been doing the P90x for 3 weeks. I am very careful of my moves...but I do them! I modify until I can maxify! Its doable! :)