Friday, February 26, 2010

Welcome to my world...

Another plethora of musings from the trio....just because I want to use that word plethora again.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD sistas!  It is insane.  Here are just a few happenings of the day for you to feast upon.

For starters, I kicked Martha Stewart's ass first thing this morning and my God if that doesn't exhilerate and exhaust you at the same time!  I am a massive conflict avoider so twisting up Martha's undies in a bunch was nothing short of monumental.

Next I forgot to mention that I - being the loving wife that I am - mapped out a full 7 day meal plan of 1300 calories for my hubby.  I'm talking spreadsheet with 3 snacks and 3 meals all designated out with the serving size of each.  The list is a thing of beauty.  I am a list whore like you've never seen.  I should be in therapy for it. 

Anyway, my hubby is great at exercising but completely oblivious to what foods to eat and calories and such so I did this for him.  I bring it home.  I tell him to sit down so I can teach it to him.  This is where the madness begins with him.  Our convo went like this:

Him: Hey before we start, what's that online diet thing that you enter your food in every day?
Me:  Oh that's - are you going to use it? 
Him:  Nope - I was just telling a guy at work about it.
Me:  Did you also tell this guy about the meal plan I so lovingly planned for you or did you say I naggingly planned it?
Him:  Is there a difference?        *I smack him*
Me:  Did you add dessert in this plan?       *Dessert is code - I smack him again*
Him: Can we work out in the bedroom?  *I poked him in the eye...with a pen*
Him:  Honey, don't be mad when I lose more than you.
Me:  Honey lamb chop - let's cross that bridge when we get there.
Me:  You're such a horrible student I decided we are not having "dessert" tonight.  I am a woman.  I can't just turn it on like a switch.
Him:  Prostitutes can.  (I refrain from asking how he knows this - I do not want to know right?)
Me:  Oh no problem - I can do it if there's money involved.  Where's my $20?
Him:  Where's your purse?   *I smack him in the crotch with my LARGE mood ring*

I mean the man might as well wear his penis on his forehead for as much as he lets it think for him.  And the whole time he's smiling wickedly and trying to cop a feel....and I love him for still finding me sexy - at goal weight or not.  I hate that I love this perverted man.
And to top it off - I go to get my 4 year old out of the bathtub and she's sitting Indian style with her big toe in her mouth.  Now yah - it'd be gross - but she's in the bath so her toe is clean.  She says "my toe is a lollipop."  Um no - it's not - stop it - get out.  She then stands up and says "look, yes it is" and just stands on one leg, pulls the other one up and puts her toe in her mouth.  My first question is - what possesses children to do things like this?  My second question is - was I ever that flexible?  It's only been the last few years that I could even SEE my toes you know?  I am in awe.  Grossed out - but awed nonetheless.
Lastly, I fell off the wagon.  Well not totally - still no sugar (minus the animal cracker vs. cookie debate) but today I went off plan.  I had food I don't normally eat today - like peanut butter and cheese.  This is why I don't veer off plan - I have a taste of what I've been missing and it's heaven and I want more.  Well stupid AF could have something to do with it but suffice it to say I suck today! 

I have painted an L on my forehead and will put my nose in the corner for 10 minutes in shame.  I wanted to lose a pound in the next three days to make my loss for the year 10 lbs on March 1st.  I don't think that's gonna happen and I'm sick about it. 

Shouldn't kicking Martha Stewart's ass before 10am be worth about a 5lb loss minimum?  Meh - even if I gain a pound - it was sooooo worth it.

♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Being fat is HARD. Being thin is HARD.
              Choose YOUR hard. ♪


Jacquie said...

Thank you for visiting my blog. I will be having surgery on March 24 in Mexico. I am excited and nervous at the same time! I look forward to following your journey!

Camille said...

Hi! I just started following your blog. I love it so far!!

Jenny said...

Great blog!! Thanks so much for following mine!

Girl Bandit said...

I still think you are doing great....keep at it