Sunday, March 28, 2010

Easter is an effing conspiracy....

I think Easter is in competition with Halloween....let's see how much candy we can shove down America's throat in the name of a holiday!  OMG - I think Easter is worse.  Somehow because it's Easter there's an incessant need to make every kind of chocolate imaginable into a bunny shape or an egg shape or a lily shape or rabbit poop shape.  It's ridiculous. 

And it works on me. Did you know that Reeses seriously taste like a whole new world if they're in the shape of a freaking egg?

Did you know Milky Ways are nearly orgasmic if they're shaped like a bunny?

Whoppers - aka bunny turds - maybe not on purpose but I think it's part of the conspiracy - taste like a whole new candy if they come in a pastel colored box?

And marshmallow eggs?  Brilliant.  Simply brilliant.  A person can eat 16 of them and feel like they only ate air - all to the tune of 3 billion or so calories.  Not bad for 16 eggs.

I am addicted to pastel colors and bunnies and Skittles just because they come in a bright yellow egg instead of a red package.  They draw me in.  They talk to me. 

Curse you Easter Bunny and the whole lot of you and your damn solid chocolate replicas with bright pink candy eyes.  Why do you stare at me from your pretty pastel packaging?

You can all suck my cellulite laden fat baby's ass.  Twice for that matter.

How do you guys stay away from all this candy crack?  I mean who in their right mind can resist pastel M&Ms?  Is it possible?  Is it?

I think not.

I must go.  A chocolate bunny just yelled for me...he's running me a bath filled with pastel M&Ms and we're going to play who can find the most purple ones.  Whaddya wanna bet I win?



♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣

28 comments:

Southern Belle said...

You are so funny and you will hate me for this. I have a bag of Easter candy (Starburst and Reese's eggs) and other treats (cheez it's and 100 calorie packs) in my car that I give to my accounts...I haven't had one piece. It just doesn't occur to me...however the cheescake brownies occured to me twice this weekend. Hmm..

Southern Belle said...

Thank you for the awards...I will post them as soon as the thrift store leaves my blog!

Drazil said...

Um yeah - totally hate you for that. I vow to never talk to you again ....until tomorrow. LOL

LDswims said...

Ahhh...you poor thing. What's a girl to do?!!?

It's almost over..sing it with me...it's almost over...

Gotta love a good ol' fashioned marketing campaign!

Can you believe I can resist the pastel M&M's? I love pastel, too! But I can resist all M&M's, for that matter. Now chewy sweet tarts...there's something I like...

Good thing I don't have to buy baskets and candy for kids yet...

Jenny said...

I have to avoid certain aisles at all costs. We are going to get the kids baskets this week and I'm not looking forward to it for all of those reasons!!

Linda said...

I think my views on Easter candy are well documented, it's pure evil. I'm Cadbury's bitch...

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

The last few days of my "Lent" are ruined because I'm planning-plotting-to eat my full share of cadbury robin's eggs. Also, starburst jellybeans. And Reeses egges. But, I'm going to have my little treat, and move on.

Leslie said...

I just started reading your blog but I had to comment on this posting!

I went to CVS last night and was accosted by the stupid Easter candy. You are right too, Halloween candy didn't bother me this past year but give me bunny shaped goodies and I'm drawn to them like a moth to a light bulb.

Maybe it's because Halloween candy isn't as special as Easter candy. It's mostly just the regular stuffed bagged into mixes. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

I have no solution either because coconut M&M's AND reese's peanut butter egg mysteriously made it home with me.

Dirttrackdiva said...

i don't know if this helps and i'm quite positive we've all thought of this, but i go the sugar free route. my dady is diabetic and has been all of my life so i've never really had real sugar in anything. i use splenda for everything. when i do have real sugar it makes me feel gross and leaves a terrible taste in my mouth. there's my two cents.

Sherry said...

What about those vanilla cream and strawberry cream filled eggs? Those were my downfall. It was like the middle of a krispy kreme wrapped in chocolate. Sometimes I think I'm being punished.

Butterfly/Amy said...

It's those damn peeps that call my name, so I have to avoid them like the plague. I'm thankful my kids are young enough not to think of candy at Easter because I am not buying any for them, instead they'll get clothes and games in their basket. Just walking down the candy aisle would throw me into a sugar craving rage at this point.

Butterfly/Amy said...

and Thanks for the award. :o)

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

You are so right about all of this! Something about the darn shape of the basic chocolate egg makes it better than its Hershey's miniature cousin. Don't get me started on the Reese's eggs. It's a conspiracy.

Gilly said...

This year my big plan was to give my boys movies - the Toy Story DVD's were re-released just in time...and then I remembered that damn Easter Bunny needs to make an appearance and hide eggs. Bloody rabbit! Bah! He's screwing me!

Cheeseburger Girl said...

I've been working really hard to escape "last meal syndrome", however last night two solid chocolate bunnies met their tragic end in my mouth. I don't even like them, but they called to me from the drawer where they were hidden for the kids baskets. 500 calories worth of Pure Rabbit Evil!

Grace said...

I struggle with the holiday Oreos usually. Who knew artificially dyed cream was so appealing?!?

This too will pass!! (Then it will be the next holiday...Oy!)

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

LMAO, I've been avoiding the stores as much as possible lately. But I do fall prey to the Reese's Pieces that they so sweetly package in the carrot shaped plastic. And omg, the pastel packaging is the worst... it just sucks you in & drags you down... its like colorful freaking quick sand! :)

Roo said...

You will hate me, but I am one of the lucky few that isn't a huge chocolate eater (except Maltesers!) and I can go months without it...but look out when I do feel like a chocolate hit...I still have an easter egg bunny in my cupboard from last year...I probably should throw it out...I think that ants are eating it!

Katherine said...

Laughing out loud here!! I so agree whats going on in the world! I have refused to buy the children in my life chocolate as I dont believe its helpful at all!

I am only 4 days banded so I will not be able to eat any chocolate at all!!! good and bad for me!

Pamela said...

I can pass over almost all Easter candy (with only minor struggle) but those damn Reese's eggs kill me EVERY time!! They're pure bliss.

Girl Bandit said...

OMg why is eating your body weight in eggs or bunny's the bnee's knee's when you can usually pass on it??? I ate a Cadbury bunny and a lindt bunny last night and felt ill. I pbed evrything yestersday and just did it cause I could...I suppose you get THAT!!!!!

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

The cadburry bunny is my crack dealer...Ugh damn bunny

Ramona said...

Then you sure as hell don't want to try the Starburst Jelly Beans. The DEVIL!!!!!!!

Carmen said...

you tell that bunny!!

Katie J said...

I have been thinking the same freaking thing!!!

I did succumb to the evil pastel wrappers on the variety pack of Hershey's (Mr. Goodbar, Krackel, etc.) I ate SO many that I think I am officially SICK of chocalate. Ickkkk

DawnB said...

Just remember - The Easter Bunny is nothing but a fur-covered Satan!

Band-Babe said...

And why is Easter candy only sold in large bags and large sizes? My children will need (more) therapy if they don't get actual Easter candy... so I'm basically screwed.

Merri said...

oddly enough, ive never been a big candy person. i actually have a little story i wrote in 2nd grade about being the easter bunny and how i dont like candy myself but id bring it to the other kids lol. cute. but anyway the one easter candy i LOVE is peeps!! Theyre one of my top all time fav candies of anytime of the year, and the chickies are best. the other season peeps are just not as good. hmm i need to buy some more..they just dont seem to last in my house!!