Saturday, March 6, 2010

Sheniqua did a booty dance last night....

....but this morning I knocked another 1/2 pound off her fat azzz.  She was all dancing and hooting and hollering because I finally went over my calories for the day.  (only by 200 might I add - she acted like I had an ice cream binge in my skittle-filled bathtub)  You should have heard her and Drazil. 

Ever seen 20 lbs of fat high five a nasty little lizard?  (BG - I so need a drawing of that - it'd be hilarious)  It's not pretty.  Drazil was whining, "That's TWO days with no workout you lazy woman."  I kicked him across the room and flipped Sheniqua off.  I'm pretty annoyed with both of them lately.  And today - on the scale - another 1/2 lb. gone.  That's 11 for the year and only 2 more to meet March's goal.  Wooot!

The reason I'm annoyed with Drazil lately is mainly work related.  I made a $30,000 mistake at work and that annoys the shitaki out of me.  Remember me - OCD perfectionist never make mistake girl?  Well - when I make one - it shatters my world.  Like holy shitaki - alert the masses - she really isn't perfect?  Gasp! 

First I freak out (another character flaw of mine I hate) - thinking how could this happen?  Then I over-react (another bigger character flaw) - thinking they're going to fire me.  Then I go into overdrive fixing it (I like this part of me).  Part of me changing this year is learning to step back.  I don't know why Drazil constantly needs praise and acceptance and kudos - well yes I do but I hate that he does.  I also hate that Drazil can't understand I am a valued employee who rarely makes mistakes, takes accountability when I do and will not be fired for a measly $30k mistake (not measly to me but to my company it is).  It's laughable really. 

Seriously - 10 minutes after I found the mistake - it was fixed.  $30k no longer lost - all is well.  Why the panic attack?  Why the drama?  Can you imagine what my BP was during that for cripes sake?

And that brings me back to damn Martha Stewart and another woman I'll call the Grinch.  She is just that....minus the green-ness.  She has a heart as big as the world but most days you can't see it.  She's negative sometimes just to be negative.  And she rubs off on me.  And that's not her fault - it's mine.  Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get wrapped up in someone else's bitching and negativity?  She hates her work and the place.........and if I'm not careful she can make me hate it too - but when I take a step back - like I'm learning to do I realize I LOVE my job.  LOVE the place.  It's spectacular....really it is. 

Anywhoo - MS and Grinch girl were really doing a number on my attitude this week and like I said, I let them.  I kept thinking of Dinnerland and her POV....only I really don't have a POV....I only have the vipers, no pit.  I also keep thinking of that book by Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth.  Anyone ever read that?  I have tried and it gets to my soul so much that I haven't finished it.  It scares me.  That book has the ability to change me. 

When I began reading it at least two people at work stopped me to say "What is going on?  Something is different about you.  Are you okay?" (and that wasn't in a good way)  In the beginning of the book you go through a contemplative state of mind - you get quiet, you remember, you think of how the book describes you and you think OMG - that is me and I've got to change some of that. 

The people I work with however said I shouldn't change because I'm great the way I am and to stop reading the book.  I agree with some of that but the fact is they don't know ME - the real me.  They know the 7-4 work me.  They don't know the me that hates parts of me and wants to grow and change me.  And why is that wrong?  They say I should accept me - why do I have to change?  I say why stay the same, shouldn't we all grow and change and learn constantly?  I don't know. 

Anyway - back to the book - the one main thing it focuses on is ego.  It says, "the particular ego patterns that you react to most strongly in others and misperceive as their identity tend to be the same patterns that are also in you, but that you are unable or unwilling to detect within yourself.  Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you.  Only if you mistake if for who you are can observing it within you be threatening to your sense of self.  In this sense, you have much to learn from your enemies."  Interesting huh?  Pretty deep I say.

So I contemplate today - what the heck is it about them that bothers me so much?  And what part of that is in me that causes me to react so strongly to it?  Their selfishness?  Their greed?  Their need for power and control?  Their insincerity, dishonesty??

Suffice it to say I'm picking up the book again today and my goal is to get through it.  I'm sorry this was so long - it wasn't my intention when I started out. 

Have a good day all.  I'm spending the day laughing at Sheniqua and Drazil - they're crying in the corner wiping each other's tears - cuz their Momma is moving on and changing and getting skinnier by the day!

♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣

♪  Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪


Jacquie said...

Well said! Great news about the weight loss!

Rebekah said...

Ok...about what the book said. the girl that drives me to drink at work irritates me because those same elements are in ME??? I've got to do some soul-searching. Maybe that's true. Very interesting.

Yeay--another .5!! Awesome! I'm STILL playing "goal limbo" as BG calls it. That's cracking me up about Shaniqua and Drazil fighting---haha, that would make a great picture!

LDswims said...

That's scary! The people that drive me crazy, drive me crazy because they are IDIOTS! So does that mean I'm an idiot? Argh!!!