Thursday, March 4, 2010

This blog brings out the worst in me...

Another plethora of thoughts from me and the other two turd buckets who’ve taken up residence in my mind and body (Drazil and Sheniqua).

Seriously – can you guys get over how much I love the word “plethora”? It makes me sound so smart huh? LOL

I’m not exactly sure what it is about this blog that makes me talk about such gross things like poop and cleaning toilets and sweating but it just comes out. I’m sure you think I’m the most unprofessional person you know but maybe that’s why – all day I’m professional - so in this blog I am not. I am me. Anyway – what I’m getting at is this – DAY 3 of the man diet is complete.

Oh Day 3 – welllll – let me just say my “balls of steel and will power of Superman” husband went out to eat with his Dad yesterday so he went off plan. He came home and proclaimed he would work out twice to work it off and promptly lost 1.5 lbs this morning. Me? If I go off plan I’d be up freaking 5 lbs. I think I shall spit in his sandwich that I make him tomorrow. And throw one of those gumballs I fart in there for good measure.

Oh and today he emailed me and said he was seriously so full he couldn’t eat his carrots and chips I packed him. Now the carrots I get. But chips? Who in their right mind is ever too full to shove chips in their mouth? Are you kidding me? There are starving people in Ethiopia – my God man – EAT THE CHIPS! He said he’d “try” (I’ve never had to “try” to eat chips) to eat them later after he digested his lunch. I, being the smartass I am said, “Why digest – just go take a poop – you don’t digest at home!” This references my long-standing joke about why he even eats. The man eats, gets up and goes to the bathroom. Well maybe there’s 5 minutes in between but I’m forever saying “Why do you even eat if you’re going to poop it out 5 minutes later – where’s the fun in that?” Maybe I’m just jealous he has a working system when so few women could ever be that regular. I keep my food for days – so there.

Anyway – I thought you’d all get a kick out of his response. It’s so gross but my God I was laughing out loud at my desk. What the hell is wrong with me? I wrote a whole post about gagging over poop and now I’m laughing at it?

So yah – I said – why digest – go poop. He says, “I can’t. The kids are not ready to be dropped off at the pool yet. They didn’t eat dinner yet and they still have to take a nap.”

Why is that even funny? I, a grown woman – a professional educated 35 year old woman – is emailing my husband about poop (aka kids) and laughing at it…..and now I’m passing it on! It’s ridiculous.

Just ree-freaking-diculous.

Alright on to me and one other person too!

It is PAR-TAY city over here in my neck of the woods.


I had a 10 lb goal I wanted to make before the end of March and Jenny (Jen’s Lap Band Journey) just hit her 70 lb lost goal! This is just the twin-ness that is us.  I’m not even sure which one makes me happier. Actually yah I am. It’s Jenny’s. That woman is unstoppable. Bad scales, band issues in the beginning, a plateau, working full time, working every night as wife and mother, sister to 3, and daughter and BFF to me. I don’t know how she has time to lose weight – but she does and I’m telling you she does it with a smile on her face and she lights up the room. She’s the strongest most amazing person I know. (can’t wait to catch her celebratory vlog – tune in everyone).

For me and my loss that got me to my mini goal, I upped my cals a bit yesterday but still couldn’t get over 1200. I for once, wasn’t hungry and I wasn’t going to force myself to eat if I wasn’t hungry. I mean if you had thrown me in a bathtub of Skittles – yah – I’d find a way to eat them but I wasn’t “looking” for food just to hit my cals. I worked out with the hubby – not hard – my heart just wasn’t in it. On to another goal now……these last 13.5 could be so hard. But for now – 163.5 and holding.

One last thing – how come I can’t stand oatmeal (the consistency) but I can eat tuna? Tuna smells bad, is ugly and is mushy….and I eat it like it’s lobster. Oatmeal – well let’s just say – it makes me gag like poop usually does – except for today when it’s funny. Is it cuz it’s warm you think? Can you eat oatmeal cold? And someone said they eat it dry? Um – how does that work?

That’s it for me. Me and my skinny fingers and less-fat calves are gonna go celebrate some more. By the way – in case any of you are wondering – YES – the candy stash is still all intact in my cubboard – just mere inches from me. Eat your heart out Richard Simmons.

♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣


Jennifer said...

Awww thank you and Congratulations to you too!! We are doing it the best way - together.

As far as dropping the kids off at the pool - LMAO!! He is a riot.

As him if Chuck Norris would let the kids take a nap or just throw the shrieking kids in the pool. C'Mon man!!!

Band Groupie said...

LOL! Oh, and I want the skinny fingers AND calves...I need 'husky woman boots...sigh.

BanderificBeauty said...

OMG! lol I know exactly what you mean about gumballs. I was just talking to my mom today about the exact same thing. Have you ever tried cream of wheat instead of oatmeal? I did not like it but it has a different texture.

You and jen are both doing great!!