Monday, March 22, 2010

What I said yesterday just wasn’t enough……

I told you all yesterday about me and Jenny’s BFF anniversary. I said my piece…but last night I went to bed thinking of all that has happened in the last year and I kid you not – I laid crying in bed for the first time in years – good tears, happy tears. I’m actually not sure that has happened before. A couple of sentences wasn’t enough. If you’re not into sappy-ness and rosebuds….don’t read on…..unless you’re Jenny. I need you to know this.

One year ago yesterday I saw Jenny again – after not seeing her for years. I saw her and instantly thought – “Man – all these years and I’m still jealous of her.” Jenny lights up a room – cliché yes – but true nonetheless. We hung out with a mutual friend that day never knowing that mutual friend would give us the best gift ever……each other.

Then we became FB friends and talked on Messenger at night until we almost fell off our chairs in laughter. It sounds like a freaking love affair…and it’s how it felt. We both had “best friends” at the time. Or so we thought. I guess in essence I was cheating on mine – ha!

I found out Jenny was in her 6 month pre-op diet. Shamefully I tried to talk her out of surgery – out of fear and my non-knowledge about lap bands. And to be honest with you – I thought she was too small. I went home and told my husband Jenny isn’t even big – I don’t understand – I’m scared for her. Today I’m still sorry I ever made her doubt her decision.

At some point I realized Jenny’s decision was her own and it was the right one and I supported it.

At another point both our “best friends” betrayed us – devastatingly so – almost at the exact same time. Those moments were some of the hardest we’d been through but somehow we found each other and found reasons to laugh and at some point – just like when two people say I love you for the first time – we decided it was official. We had become best friends – and we both decided it had never been like this with anyone else. There are no words for that moment.

Over the next year I visited Jenny – I love her husband and her beautiful girls. I’m quite anti-social and have social anxiety and for the first time in my life I went somewhere and didn’t panic or not want to go. Again – monumental – no words for that. Jenny gave me that.

We took our kids to zoos and play places. We laughed. We shared our deepest secrets and they came out just like we were only speaking of something as mundane as weather.

Jenny and I installed a wood floor – by ourselves.

We have purse fetishes and are office supply whores. Our favorite store is Staples.

We both love Elvis.

We spend weekends together doing nothing but playing board games and talking and we have the time of our lives.

Jenny and I went over each other’s finances and she never once judged me…..again, no words.

Jenny and I discovered we’re nearly twins. We act the same, talk the same, like the same things, have the same experiences, etc. We were separated at birth for sure.

We met the terms of being official best friends by sharing inside jokes, thinking the same thoughts and giving looks without saying a word and knowing what they meant.

I took Jenny to my childhood home that is now covered in mud, flooded and condemned. I never cried because Jenny was with me and I felt like with her I could handle walking through those memories.

If something happens to me – she’s the first person I want to tell.

In my every day world – no matter if I talked to her seconds ago or if it’s been days – she’s in my corner and my heart feels that. That brings a sense of peace I’ve never known.

When I get mad at someone – she gets mad at them too – for me. And in the same respect – I’d walk through fire for her.

So yah – it was our anniversary yesterday – just another day in our lives….or so I thought….until I was quiet and really thought and replayed the memories and I knew what I first wrote wasn’t enough.

God put Jenny here for me. I know this in my soul.   She puts up with me smothering her and living in fear that I may lose her.....simply because she loves me.

I’m sure most of you have best friends….if you do, when’s the last time you told them how you felt and what they mean to you? If it’s been a while – say it here – on your blog so they see it in print. I’d love to hear about your best friend……it’s just the kind of mood I’m in today.

I love you TAMFBFF Jenny. I always will…….

♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣


Amy W. said...

I think this is a wonderful post. I didnt meet my best friend until I was 19. We both were working at a summer camp in upstate NY. She lives in seattle :( We dont talk much anymore bc she is married and I am practically married...but we think about each other all the time.

Carmen said...

:-) beautiful

Jennifer said...

I have tears streaming down my face! Happy tears. You are the most amazing best friend in the whole world. You have a gift for words! I wish I could put how I feel about you into words, but I never can. Just knowing you has made me a better person, being your best friend has made me the luckiest girl in the world.
You know I can't leave with out making a's how I goes,
I love you sweetie!
Thank you for this...and every other wonderful thing you've brought to my life.

Jenny said...

You are both very lucky to have each other!

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

So beautiful. You are a good friend.

Southern Belle said...

I just emailed this post to my best friend, thanks for reminding me how wonderful it is to have a sister of the soul. xox J

Julie said...

This is so nice, I wish I could say that about someone but I don't have somebody like that it is different I shall tell the world about my best friends because I have 2 tonight when I get home as I don't want to risk the happy tears in work

Ashli said...

What a beautiful post. It's so great that you have such a wonderful friendship. Reading this made me cry. How you described the two of you reminded me exactly of me and my old best friend. I went a long time without a bestie, and when I met Nikki it was like we had known each other our whole lives. I loved her so much. Then one day she said she was moving to Chicago, and I was devastated. I cried and cried. I knew she was devastated too and when moving day approached, she left early without saying goodbye. I know it was a coward way out for her, so she wouldn't have to feel the pain of leaving. But that was selfish and I just couldn't believe my bestfriend would do such a thing. I made a decision to cut her out of my life at that point. I deserved better. This was less than a year ago, and it still hurts sometimes. You are so lucky, congratulations on your friendship anniversary and I wish many many more to you guys. :)

Band-Babe said...

I'll pick up my award from home... so it might take me a couple of days. For some reason, I don't think it's a good idea to save a ho-bag award on my work computer. Just a thought.

You are so creative and fun. WHERE do you get all of your energy? Can I get my doctor to prescribe some for me, too? Kidding... I know it's just your personality... I'm just old and jealous!

Band-Babe said...

Oh, and I love my BFF, too. We have been BFF's since 9th grade. We've gone through everything together. College, weddings, deaths, promotions, rejections, traveling, kids, sometimes we go for a month without talking, sometimes we can't even go a day without talking. But, we both know we're there at a moments notice. Thanks for helping me remember to be grateful for something amazing I obviously take for granted.

Corletta said...

This was the sweetest blog that I have ever read! Thanks for sharing!

Butterfly/Amy said...

What a great post. I have a wonderful best friend too and we're states away now but always close in heart. Such a nice reminder of the depths of friendship.

Kathi said...

I am walking in your shoes! My BFF and I have known each other for 10 years now and we can share EVERYthing and it's fine. She's always known my real weight..and doesn't judge or condemn! I'm going to email this post to her, thanks for making me think of her again today!

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

dRAZIL this was the most beautiful post! You two are so lucky to have each other! Amazing.