Friday, April 16, 2010

I am sceerrrred.....about B.O.O.B.S....

Not like the boogie man just came out from behind the door scared...but anxious like how long can I hold this fart in without making a face scared.

First of all - I'm super stoked about this Chicago trip but it's new to me.  I do not travel (only to Jenny's house), I have never flown, and I rarely leave home.  I'm not a social butterfly - I have major social "getting there" know "want to back out, don't want to go, make up fake excuses" BEFORE I ever get there anxiety but I'm always the girl who gets there and has the time of her life.  It's the getting there part that I have a problem with. 

This time I don't even feel too much of that.  I want to have a road trip with my bestie and meet all of you so badly - I'm facing it head on.

So what am I scared about?

HOLY SHIT - I think I'm the only one going without a band.

Do you know what that means?

1. I have to pretend I'm not hungry - when really I'd like to chew my own arm off.
2.  I have to hide food everywhere - pockets, my purse, my bra - and go to the bathroom "to pee" often so I can take sneaky bites lest my blood sugar plummets and Drazil passes out on the floor
3.  I have to have a food budget while you all can pack 3 days worth of food in a sandwich sized ziplock.
4.  I have to pretend not to hate everyone of you.
5.  I have to make sure that I tell God I was kidding when I asked him to blow up all of your lap bands so you'd eat like me for just a few hours.
6.  I probably have to use the hotel gym or my gain will likely be 10 lbs in these three days - while you all sleep in.
7.  I have to get drunk for the first time so I can throw up just so I can feel like I'm a PB'er too so I can belong.
8.  I cannot fart and blame it on gas from the band.  I must own my farts.  No problem - they smell like gumdrops remember?

I'm sure there's more - this is just on my mind right now.

Seriously - someone find someone to come to Chicago with no lap band so I can latch on to them and binge with them.  It's totally normal I feel this way right?  Right?

And lappers - I'm kidding - I love you all...right down to your lap bands!

♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣


Jess said...

Drunk for the first time? OMG, I might just have to go!

You made me lol. Really. I'm at work and in a cubicle, people looked at me. Thanks a lot.

kagead said...

My sister really wants to crash our party and she is band-less. She lost her weight through D&E alone, just like you!

Carmen said...

i def still get hungry!! and i'll go to the hotel gym with you!!
i always forget that you are bandless :-)

Jennifer said...

Don't worry, I always carry emergency chocolate - I've got your back!

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

I wish you were there NEXT weekend. I'll be in Chicago then. For medical appointments for Chickadee. Grrr. But, it would've been fun to meet you too.

Ah, yes. I sent MrsFatass your message. She just laughed and started coughing loudly. Could've been the children, or the strangers milling about. Pretty sure she was just laughing with hilarity!

Good luck. You should really market those farts.

TJ said...

I hate to say this, but it is nice to hear you are a little scared. Not that I want you to be, but I guess in my own head I figured that you are so outgoing that it would be no big deal. While I am back in Michigan freaking out to meet a bunch of new people. Seriously the introvert in me broke out in a sweat. In the back of my mind I think I wish I was more like Drazil or Amy. They wouldn't be having a minor panic attack about the whole thing - 6 months before the event!

Cindylew said...

I just started catching up on your blog and I think you're awesome. The Chicago thing is probably too soon for a newbie like me who just started my journey (surgery in 9 days) but maybe I'll be ready for 2011's gathering. Thanks for making me (and I'm sure everyone) laugh.

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

You'll have a blast and liven up everyone else's experience. I'm betting on it!

Bec said...

I used to suffer bad 'getting there' anxiety too. Still do to some extent, but now I have to lil girls that I just make myself do it for them. Otherwise I would stay home blogging. LOL. BTW I thinking you are a gem. You're halarious, love it.

Gen said...

OMG you are so excellent. I definitely need to start "paying" DH so I can make it Chicago.

Meanwhile, you know you are the star of the show because you did it band-less!

Jacquie said...

Definitely what Gen said about you being the star by doing it band-less! I cannot wait to meet everyone in person!

Leslee said...

"I have to have a food budget while you all can pack 3 days worth of food in a sandwich sized ziplock."

Made my day!

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

You won't be the only band-less person there. Did you forget band-less me is planning to be there? :)

Yvonne said...

I've been reading your blog for a little while now and did not even realise you weren't a bandster hehehe so there you go :-)

It doesn't matter - not everyone will have super tight restriction (I can eat a horse at the moment - not that I will make it to Chicago from Australia)

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

If I was in a better situation I would go all bandless and everything. But then I would have to worry about not having boobies as nices as urs...ugh it never ends....

Band-Babe said...

Ok, Ok... I GET it. Only SOME people might consider taking a break from blogging. I'm so obsessed, and it's really the funnest obsession I've had in a long time.

Your non-banded ass will fit in just fine. Seriously, you'd be surprised at what a bander CAN eat. I fully plan on eating very well on our weekend. As in delicious over nutritious.

I'm assuming you were joking about drunk for the first time? But, that would make everything fun, just not the throwing up part.

When we're planning, we might want to have optional activities. Like I'd prefer to stay up late and drink. I love museums, but I'm not the kinda gal that likes to get up early if I don't have to. I think we should have "slow paced" options and "fast paced" options. I'll be happy to organize the slow group!

Amy W. said...

First of all, there will be those of us who dont have restriction, those of us who will eat like we dont have restriction, etc.

I will eat some ice cream and other slider foods with you!

MY GOSH, it also sounds like there will copious amounts of drinkies, and since I dont really drink...

I can't go.


just kidding!

-Grace- said...

Oh mah gawd. I cannot wait to meet you and this totally cracked me up.

I'll work out with you in Chi-town. I have a ton of weight to lose and will still be working on it in Chicago.

Dirttrackdiva said...

i sometimes totally forget you aren't banded either. don't worry though, you're part of the family banded or not. you're stuck with us forevah!!! (you should run away now, seriously, get the hell out of dodge while the getting's still good) smooches my friend.

sdh5463 said...

OMG, I guess I haven't been reading your blog long enough to realize that you WEREN'T banded. But as many have already said ahead of me... Who the hell cares? You are one of us whether you like it or not!!!

Sherry said...

Awww, sweetie. A wise man once said "owning your farts is owning your heart". I think he was Buddhist.

WTH cares if you have a band or not? You lived the struggle and fight the good fight like the rest of us. I heart you, my dear.

Alexis said...

I swear I read this entire post but the only thing I retained was this:

7. I have to get drunk for the first time so I can throw up just so I can feel like I'm a PB'er too so I can belong.

I am now cleaning up the water I spewed all over my computer screen.