Saturday, April 10, 2010

I am seriously disappointed...

.....to the point where me, Draz & Sheniqua are curled up in fetal position moaning and sucking our thumbs. (Do lizards have thumbs?) 

Why - you ask?

BECAUSE ALL MY FOLLOWERS ARE WHORES!

Hussies, sluts, floozies, harlots, tramps, bimbos, street walkers!

(I seriously went to a thesauras to find new words for "whore".)

BYOC is like the first actual blog I do all week that isn't R rated with no swearing and what do all of you do?  TURN IT INTO PORN.

I asked about having dinner with someone.  Did you see my holier than thou Christian saintly answer?  I want to meet Michelle Duggar so I can be a better person.  Can you all see my halo from where you are sitting?

You all want to eat things OFF of George Clooney in a HOTEL.  You skipped the freaking restaurant altogether.  And my God - what could licking things off of George Clooney teach you anyway?  (that's rhetorical - no need to answer).  I saw words like lick, tear off clothing, animalistic, alcohol, room service....etc.  Those words were not necessary and I am appalled.....

.....and proud.

I started BYOC to find out more about my followers and now I feel violated and scarred for life (I think George Clooney feels the same way).  I went to church last night to pray for all your twisted horn-dog perverted souls and I pray it worked.

Thank God most of your men don't read your blogs - they'd be crushed, shocked....or slightly turned on I would imagine.  But you'd be BUSTED. 

You're all a bunch of serious ho-bags...

And I for one, am proud to call you mine.  You did well my friends.  You did well.

I was scared when someone said they wanted lunch with our Amy W.  I thought they were going to order turkey-neck.  OMG.  I'm surprised none of you little tarts thought of that one! 

My evil plan is working - BYOC started out all calm and collected - and now it's all heavy breathing with words like lick.....so pretty soon you will all be Mama Pimps....and my plan will be complete.

I shall be more careful in picking my questions next week.....that's fo sho!

And holy shit - my dessert question went WAAAAYYYYY wrong too.  Pretty soon you guys were all sundaes with whip cream and a cherry and baking this and that and even fluffy pastries!  I thought I was supposed to be the creative Queen.  I nearly fell off my chair - more than once. 

Hussies - every last one of you.

God I love it!



♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣

10 comments:

Linda said...

Mama Pimp - I'm sorry I said I'd lick, but you seriously bring out the ho-bag in me (doesn't take much).

Glad to make you proud. :)

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Lmao. you just bring the ho in whore out. We love ya!

Sandy Lee said...

I loved your Michelle choice. Anyone who can pump out kids like her should be in the Guinness book (did I spell that right or is that the beer??). I wish I could be so sweet but I swear too much.

I was laughing so much at your post, my DH asked me what was so funny. Maybe one day, we'll sit in bed and read your posts and see where it leads. And you thought I was Shirley Temple sweet-your evil plan is in place. BTW, my brother could be George Clooney's twin. I must post some pics. Everytime someone mentions GC I think ewww-that's my brother they are talking about.

Uncurl yourself from the fetal position and think "What would Michelle do".

Jennifer said...

LOL! I love Amy, but I really wanted to put that I'd love to eat something off of Ryan Reynolds. BUT, my DH reads my blog so I thought better of that. :)
But I SO WOULD!

Dirttrackdiva said...

i didn't know that having dinner off of someone was the same. i want to change my choice. while george clooney is all well and good......my pick would be jake pavelka. the last guy that was the bachelor. H O T!!
even though he made a boneheaded choice and can't dance. i digress, i wouldn't be wanting to have a deep conversation or dance with him standing up anyway. so i guess it's all good.

ho bag enough for ya? :)

Stephanie said...

You forgot skank, slag and cougar. I know many more, but if I said them, you all would think I was a total sexual deviant. ;)

Kristin said...

Draz, my maiden name is Hussey. (I dropped that baby so fast when I got married...) So I'll thank you to not throw it around in such a manner. Even though everyone else did. Every single time I met someone new.

xoxo

Julie said...

Not being a native English speaker, My vocabulary has been more complete everytime i read one of you blogs but there I must say it was like a vocaluray festival to me. Thank you for improving my english everyday :)

Carmen said...

riiiiiight i am TOTALLY sure you were offended lol

Carmen said...

one more thing....regarding the whole michelle duggar thing...that would be one HECK of a whootananny convo you could have with her! i'm kegeling just thinking about it LOL