Saturday, April 3, 2010

I did not catch the Easter Bunny yet....

....the bastard has managed to elude me still yet today.  I'm finding parts of him - a chocolate M&M, a jelly bean, a marshmallow egg, etc.  I hope to find all of him today and tackle him and poke forks in his eyes AND shove enough candy in him to make him know how it feels to binge on pastel colored candy and consequently poop out Cadbury eggs for a week.  I hate him and his beady little eyes and his effing white poofy tail.  I want to rip it off.

That being said - I seriously did okay.  I didn't overeat at the family Easter and all day I held myself to under 200 calories in preparation for the feast.  My 4 year old scared the shit out of me though.  We took two big bags of M&Ms over to my moms earlier in the day so she could use them to fill up the eggs for the hunt.  Later that evening on the way to my mom's I said, "Grandma is having fried cod, lasagna, chips, salads, and bread.  What are you going to eat first?"  Her reply?

"I only want the N&Ms."

Nice.  Wow - I taught her well.  I never mentioned the "N&Ms" but she remembered they were indeed there from when we had dropped them off earlier.  A mother's pride...ah....  See - even 4 year olds are suckered in by the pastels. 

Oh and cuz all my followers are turds and swear that none of you do sprints I did my own - cursing all you ho-bags the whole time.  This is my dealio - whaddya think?

5 minute sets
3 mph - walk - 1 min
3.5 mph - walk faster - 1 min
4 mph - walk like Chuck Norris is chasing me - 1 min
4.5 mph - run like I gotta make it to the bathroom or a turtlehead will poke out - 1 min
6 mph - run like Amy W is coming after me with Magic Shave Powder and a gift card - 1 min

By the last set I was at 3.3, 3.7, 4.3, 4.7 and 6.1mph.  That's my goal - every day up it by a few numbers and go faster and faster.  I'm so short - I have to look like an idiot running that fast.  And the screaming while running doesn't help paint the picture any prettier either.

That's the routine - hyperventilate, choke, nearly die - and repeat. 

I only did it for 1/2 hour and only burned 250 cals and only went a couple of miles.  The lower I get in weight the more it completely sucks how you have to either run like 10mph or work out for 2 freaking hours to burn anything over 500 calories.  Ugh. I am hoping that when I get to goal that this 1/2 hour routine will be enough to maintain.  1/2 hour a day is do-able you know?

Oh and you will all love this.  I told Jenny about it last night.  A while ago I gave my mom a bunch of my old bigger pants.  She was wearing them last night.  She said to me, "I don't know how you guys wear these - the waist band always goes under my fat roll, you know because they're so big, because they were yours." 

Totally realized what she just said and tried to back out of it.  But get this?  I never even felt hurt once.  I laughed.  Yes - me overly dramatic overly sensitive me - laughed.  NONREACTION.  She didn't mean it - she's not evil...I'm over it.  Too funny though huh?  It's bad enough we all deal with our own negative self talk and our own Drazils but then we deal with others too - it's just comical sometimes.

Peace out homies.  I gotta get my running shoes on - got another family feast Easter to go to and I need to catch that bunny.  Or you know - I might actually just get out the BB gun.  Wouldn't it be fun to shoot him in the nards ass a few times with a BB gun?  And hey - then I don't have to run and catch him.  Bonus!

♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣


LauraLynne said...

today's a long run for me - and I'm scared to death. But I will stick to the plan...because people are WATCHING!! :)

I'm so grateful that I'm not speaking to my famliy - no easter bruches to avoid, no public eating - and for now, no public discussion of how much weight I've family is SO annoying!

Diz said...

Good job on working out- I haven't made it off the couch this morning. i'm glad someone is serious about this whole thing, cause I don't seem to be. Have chocolate within arms length long do you think I can lay here?

Brattypants Mum said...

I am scard I will come to your house on Halloween with an Easter Bunny costume on. Keep up the good work - I have a lot of laughs, thanks to your blog.

Nikki said...

I vote you shoot his nards with the BB gun...teach his fluffy ass a lesson!! LOL. I am so glad I did like minimal things for the little one this she gets s stuffed animal, a few jelly beans, and a couple pieces of chocolate...she isn't a big candy eater...maybe that's cuz I dont let her have it all the time..I am not sure.

Congrats on the running stuff...YOU ROCK...I will get there one damn day...

Dirttrackdiva said...

going midevil on the easter bunny. lol too much.
i did pretty good today too. i actually stopped on my way to the easter feast and got a salad. so while everyone was gorging on their huge plates of salt ridden ham and cakes, i had a salad. and one marshmellow egg for dessert.
by gawd, i believe i can do this. lol

brattypants said...

I almost choked on my chocolate Easter egg, laughing, when I read the running routine that you did today, lmao.

I'm thinking the Easter bunny had better watch his back tonight...

Carmen said...

man how i wish you had caught him.. :-)