Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Me, Draz and Sheniqua are sad....

I shall tell you why.


First off, today is one of those “I am uglier than sin” days. Okay revise that – I am not uglier than sin but I “feel” uglier than sin. You know what I mean? We’ve all been there. Hair is awful. Makeup didn’t help. Fat rolls amuck. Boils on my face. I made that last one up but it feels like it.

This is the day I want a life size cut out of me at 226 pounds so I can stand next to it and see what I used to look like so today I’d feel better.

It’s amazing the difference in feeling from one day to another isn’t it? And amazing the difference a pair of heels makes? I had to go to Menards after work yesterday. Yes – I live there – for those of you wondering. It’s a man store – all home improvement with a few candles thrown in to entice a woman or two. It’s a store full of men with holes in their pants and hot contractor butts and biceps. Anyway I walk in there in my 3 inch heels and silver sparkley shirt and short capris and I saw people looking at me. Now the vain woman in me pretended they looked cuz I’m hot but the truth is they were all looking at me like I had two heads. Who the hell goes in a home improvement store wearing three inch heels? No one. Ever. Cuz they are smarter than me. The place is huge and by the time I got out of there my feet were killing me. Three inch heels were not made for trapsing all over a store and parking lot while you pretend you look hot so no one knows you want to poke your own eye out with the damn heel cuz it hurts so much. Anyway – I carry myself different in heels and I feel more like a woman. Do you guys feel that too?

Now today – mmm – not so much. I am frumptastic. I have on white capris with flip flops. I walk like I’ve been beat with the tired stick and I look plain old slovenly. I feel like a boy – not a woman with sex appeal much less a fahgina I can rule the world with. My look matches my shitabulous hair and my shitastic face. Oy.

And mentally? I’m still suffering the after-effects of the migraine. Anyone dare to ask me what I just had for breakfast? I’ll tell you.

A mini Milky Way for 50 calories. WHAT THE HELL?

I would just like to ask myself and all of you…what in us makes us believe that mere seconds with a piece of food is worth hours of agony and regret and self-loathing that come after it? I’m going to beat myself up all day about that Milky Way. Not because I care about the calories but because the sugar/chocolate in it caused the migraine that I’m still feeling today. Let’s face it – migraines make you want to die. Period. Why on Earth would a Milky Way be worth that? Anyone who tells you food has no power over a person – is a liar and has never stared down a Milky Way on “Frumpy Day”.

I swear to God I’d feel better if some man would offer up his tallywhacker for me to chop off.

And I am sad. We’re all aware I’m a perfectionist freak (I’m trying to fix this) – but some days it really shows and it shows in blogging. I want to be something to everyone I follow. I want you to know I read what you wrote and it mattered to me and it affected my life. I need you to know that. But for the last two days I’ve been out with the migraine, and my extra jobs and the stupid remodeling project (excuses I know)….I have a few minutes to write and that’s it. I have read blogs but haven’t commented and I’m mad about that. Mad that I have too many jobs and not enough time to do something I really care about. Sad to think some of you might have noticed I didn’t comment and might be wondering what my problem is? I notice when people don’t comment – let’s be honest – comments make a person’s day and to think I haven’t done that for anyone lately hurts me. Now yes – I have a slight ego problem – obviously. I mean most of you are thinking – hmmm Drazil hasn’t commented – I didn’t notice. But *I* noticed. I want to be a good comment whore. So I am sorry. I swear to God I’ll make up for it. I feel like I’ve let you all down and it really bugs me. You’ve all become such a part of my life and I need you all to know that – even when I can’t comment. So much of me feels like if I can’t blog perfectly – I shouldn’t blog at all. I know I’m insane and arrogant….I get that.

Ugh – it’s clearly an emotional day. F*cking Milky Ways. Who’s the bastard who invented those? I swear – same guy – that did the panty hose, three inch heels, and blowjobs. Seriously – useless. All of them. Just useless….



15 comments:

Lynda with a Y said...

Poor Drazil. My friend and I used to joke whenever I had a day like yours: "I'm fat and ugly and nobody likes me." Everyone has them. To heck with it. Put on your sneakers and go for a simple walk. Try to find some flowers or a cute baby or something. Maybe that will help?

Beth said...

Days like that make ya wanna just go outside and scream like a crazy person!!(Actually I suggest such action, you feel better afterward even if people around may think your nuts)
Milkyways and Reese's and ice cream and smoothies, all from the same mean MAN who knew that he could taunt women by selling these things!!
I think its absolutelly ridiculous and I don't understand how, we can work so hard for weightloss and wokr on things for hours, whether that be mentally, physically working out, or being diligent eaters, and then get one pesky craving and the next thing you know there is a candy wrapper in front of you and you wake up from the fog knowing that that candy is inside you! I truly believe food (especially sugar) is addictive and I try to treat it like that, every time I slip I have fallen of the wagon and I need to get back on or I'll turn into that old man who sits at a bar for 5 hours hammered. Its hard, but we all do sometimes I do it daily. All we can do is get back on the wagon.

Lisa said...

I have more days like that than I want to admit! :)

- Lisa
http://inweighovermyhead.blogspot.com/

tessierose said...

First of all, if I wore 3 inch heals,everyone would assume I'm a drag queen, secondly if I survived said 3 inch heels on a shopping spree, I would have to put milky ways on my feet for comfort as well as in my mouth. Sorry about the head ache, maybe you should try drinking instead, at least when you have a head ache you know you deserved it. And lastly (I'm doing this in my Cher voice from "Moonstruck") SNAP OUT OF IT!
There, hope your day gets better!

Jenny said...

I think at some point you will need to accept the fact that you are human and cannot be all places at once.

Of course, I love your comments, but you have a life outside of blogging. There is no need to apologize for it. We all still think you are fabulous!!

Nora said...

I call these days "Kick a Puppy" days... where they are so low and crappy, it would be the similar feeling of kicking an adorable little puppy. This also applies to days you are so angry "you could kick a puppy" but just end up feeling worse.

No advice to not be sad or how to fix it... just know that everyone realizes there is a life beyond blogging - and just showing up and writing such funny ones the past couple of days make people's days even if you don't have the time to comment.

Amy said...

Smooches, my dear! No beating yourself up over ANYTHING. You need to do what you need to do for you, and the support you give is appreciated. We are ALL busy and we all understand. Comments are great, but I also realize that not everyone can comment on every post they read. It's life!

Now, I am with TessieRose - if I wore 3" heels, I'd be well over 6' and people would wonder! HAHA

Carmen said...

if i wore 3 inch heels i'd break my ass wide open!!!
<3 ya!

LDswims said...

Ok. I'm gonna tell you what you told me last week. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

You rock. You so rock that you took your blog from 0-60 in 2 seconds flat. And you did that because you comment and share the love. If you need a day off or two, then take it. It's ok. Your lovers, I mean followers, won't leave you for tending to yourself on occasion.

Now, with that said, I feel like you wrote that for me. :D I miss you, chica. But that's ok. I can deal. I just came off of an almost 2 week silence. It happens. I get that. I have no doubt that when you can, you'll be back by my blog. And there's no hurry there or prompting. It's just one of those things I know - it's cyclical. We blog and blog and blog and comment and comment and comment and sometimes life throws wrenches and we deal with those and move on when we can.

As for the Milky Way, again, STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Let's try looking at this from a new angle. You didn't eat a WHOLE candy bar. You ate a little sampler size. Good choice! Enough to get what you need/want but not so much to do damage. That's good! Find the good.

Feeling frumptastic? You're wearing flip flops at work! How awesome would that be if I could do that.

Now...you feel uglier than sin. You shouldn't. And please don't. YOU ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY UGLY! You are absolutely gorgeous inside and out. You woke up this morning. You have a sweet, loving husband. You have two gorgeous girls. You have the bestest of friends ever in Jennifer who loves you to death. You have all us blogger-ho-bags that love you to death. And I've seen what your image looks like - you can't go wrong. That's all I'll say there! You are gorgeous and you care more for yourself than most people would attempt to - watching what goes in, taking care of your body, all your healthy, low-cal eating with major exercise all the time. We all have bad days and I know that I can't turn this around just by saying STOP IT. But you are beautiful. Know that maybe you feel like you do today - but no one else feels this for you. Ok?

Onto your next blog.

Love ya, Girl! Hang in there...

Stephanie said...

Everybody has shit-can days and I was feeling the same thing last week, so I can sympathize, but know this, Draz...you could never let us down. You are awesome, fabulous, wicked cool and we adore you! :)

Maria said...

I too had a frumptastic breakfast of a Mounds bar. And then I went to the dentist and found out I have a cavity!

Hope tomorrow is a better day!

Maria
lasttrainoutoffatland.blogspot.com

DB said...

Ohh- That it explains it!!! I posted a new pic - me lookin' all skinny & hot & guess what??? Drazil didn't comment. I cried a little & I still feel the sharp twinge in my heart & the horrible sadness too!! WTF - girlfriend??? - You're not Superwoman; although we all honestly believe that you are. You deserve some down time, too. Your loyal followers know you love us & we are the most important Ho's in your lfe!!!!!! Cheer up & stay away from the Milky Ways!!!!!

Girl Bandit said...

I could have writtten this post...ecept the part about the heels and chopping off someone's woodpecker..lol...but I feel so bad when I get behind on blogs too...at some point I feel like giving up because I care too and hate it when I can't comment. But we do have lives and so does everyone else and we all know you care so chill....hmmm might take some of my own advice!!!

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

You are superhuman.

Did you know?

BTW, trying to fix ones' perfectionism=eternally increasing said perfectionism.

Really. It's just bad for us. I've been trying to be energizer bunny. As you know. Doesn't really work. Might end the scene with me in the psych ward. Not good. Anywhoo,

Life goes on and all your followers stay when you have a bad day. Your google analytics numbers go down, but you can always grow another crop of troll hair to fix it with.

Really.

:)

Julie said...

I was having the same kind of day yesterday. I hope you will feel better soon. Don't worry about commenting. You are one of the most supportive people on blogland to me and you have a life like all of us, you need to get on with it. Nobody can blame you for that. Just do what you have to do :)