Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Well slap my fat baby's ass and call me crabby x2...

I usually only allow myself one day of crabby-ness.  Life is too short for more than one day of that right?  BUT....this is my day today...in a nutshell.  I know you're all gonna be jealous....here we go.

I wake up thinking "hmm....is that a migraine I feel?"  Nope - moving on, gotta get ready.  Now anyone who suffers from migraines knows that if you think you feel one - you have one.  DUH.  Idiot blunder #1 - before 6:30am. 

I get ready.  All is well.  I decide to put on a brave face and put on a pair of khakis I like.  Tight khakis.  Tight enough so that when I get home tonight the letters on the tag will be imprinted in my skin like a tattoo.  I cannot breathe but I figure eh - what's the big deal about breathing anyway when my ass looks this fine?  I'm not kidding - these pants are so tight I have to waddle like a turtle kinda because bending at the legs is difficult.  Sick I know - but did I mention my ass looking good?  And holy muffin top - the Pillsbury doughboy would be jealous.  Wowser.  But whatever - I made it out the door without passing out from lack of oxygen.

The whole time my head is screaming "IDIOT - TAKE A PAIN PILL - YOU HAVE A MIGRAINE."

I like to live on the edge, you know, in Care Bear Land - not reality land by any means - so I press on ignoring all voices of sanity in my head.  Yes, there are voices in my head in addition to Drazil and the crap he spews all day long.

I take my daughter to the sitters.  I'm on my way - today is going to be fine.  I look down at my wrapped sausages thighs and there are two tiny black footprints on said thighs from said daughter.  NICE.  I haven't even made it to work and I'm effing dirty.  JESUS FRICK.

I get to work and clean my pants - two huge wet spots on my thighs now so that people are drawn to how tight my pants are.  Apparently this is not my day to catch a break. 

It's not even 9am now....I am heading back home.  Full blown migraine.  Nauseous, dizzy - want to murder every single person that breathes in my air space.  Mostly cuz I'm jealous they have pants on that allow them to breathe.

Fast forward to 3pm and I'm finally awake.  I slept an entire day away.  So now I'm pissed.  At the world...though I'm completely aware it's my fault.  Let's forget that little detail.

I wake up and husband does the whole ass check thing again.  Says, "are you wearing a thong"....um NO azzhole I was in bed all day and he says - dead serious - "how do you expect to get anywhere in life if you're not wearing a thong?"  Simple, simple man.  If that's all it took - women would be ruling the world by now huh?

I forgive him.  I went outside and realized he spent the whole day roaming the countryside finding and bringing home HUGE pieces of driftwood for my gardens.  How I love this man.  He gives me wood without my even asking....driftwood....you perverts.

Smooches all - Wednesday has got to be better right?



♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣

16 comments:

LauraLynne said...

I'm glad you feel better. And I full expect you and your hubby to celebrate humpday in style tomorrow...

kagead said...

What is it with the us and the migraines? I do the same EXACT thing. I wake up, know I have one brewing, and proceed to ignore it until I am at the point where I will gladly pay someone to decapitate me with a rusty butter knife.

That post-migraine sleep isn't much help either. I mean the pain is gone once I wake up (at least it is for me), but I feel all whacked out for a good 12 hours or so later.

Hugs.

The CilleyGirl said...

Ack - that was almost my day too! I woke up with a migraine brewing, finally decided to call in sick (or at least late) and took some Advil. But then got woken up only a few minute later by my boss, who didn't know I was home sick (he's away at a conference). No way I was going back to sleep after that, so I dressed in the sloppiest clothes I figured I could get away with (was almost fleece pants in a cammo pattern). I'm still at work and still have the headache, but at least my pants are comfy! Feel better, Drazil!!

Alexis said...

Blah. I hear your pain. I get migraines too and the ones I get when I wake up are always the worst!

Sorry you had such a crummy day. At least you have your wonderful hubby to make you smile :) He seems like such a good guy!

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

*moan*

Maybe tomorrow should be PB day. No, personal BIDness day. Yeah. Then you can catch up on your chi, mojo or whatever it is.

Barbara said...

MIGRAINES SUCK.. Turn the world off and DON"T TURN THE LIGHTS ON!! Hope you are feeling better .. take it easy.. and what a sweet husband you have.. I love driftwood..be well..

Dirttrackdiva said...

i feel ya on the migraine pain. if i wake up with one, i'm unequivivally fucked. gotta go back to bed. many pills, ice on the face, heat on the neck. and as long as i don't move or breathe i'm good to go.
feel better love. smooches.

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Drazil you are so much braver than I am. I have had migraines since I was 10. I can't even attempt to brave it. If I ignor my bastard migraine he will stopm on my brain and stomp on my somache making smells, light and and type of warmth immpossible. So now I carry a maxalt and fioricet, both I highly recommend. Sometimes I need to take both but sometimes I just make it on the Fioricet. Sounds like you have an awesome hubby!

Southern Belle said...

So sorry to hear about your migraine. I hope you are resting tonight and that you feel better tomorrow.

Cindylew said...

Sorry for your terrible day...I've suffered from Migraines since being a teen and they are the bane of my existence.
I always know when one is starting because my vision is altered...I think they call it an aura.
Anyway...here's hoping tomorrow is Migraine free.

Amanda said...

Don't worry - be happy :D

Ugh, migraines suck. Luckily -- I do not know this from first hand experience.

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

Migraine denial is my middle name - especially the last few days, lol. Glad you were able to go home & sleep. And what a sweet husband you have... giving you wood when you don't even ask for it. :)

Kristina said...

I know you had a crappy day...but I have to say this, your blog totally makes my day! You have an awesome sense of humor and your an amazing writer! I am glad your feeling better and that your day ended better than it began!

Carmen said...

hehehehe...he gave you wood...

hope tomorrow is a better day!

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

Sorry about the migraine, but your title is hilarious!

Jenny said...

Migraines suck!! I hope you're feeling better.