Saturday, April 10, 2010

Whootananny challenged....God help me...

Okay - I'm seriously not beating a dead horse on purpose.  I have questions - and I need answers.  Let's all remember this pooty shaving/maintaining/caring about it thing is new to me.  Before my TT if I looked down I could not see my coochie.  I saw skin and so I never cared about how it looked below - I was stuck on the world of "nobody is going to look beyond that skin to see what's below it anyway" - you know?  And even after the TT - I never cared about it.  First because up until recently - I still swelled in my stomach daily.  After two years out and nearly $6k later - it's fairly obvious to say I stressed about that literally 24/7.  I feared daily that this swelling was the best my stomach was gonna get - and it was heartbreaking.  I think I have final results now and the swelling has finally subsided and what I see is what I'm gonna get - and so - maintaining the pooty has now become top priority.

And let's just be real - I'm stupid about this kind of crap.  Really stupid.

My bestie tried the MSP - but dear Jennifer I have more questions....and I figure maybe if some girls answer them here I might spare myself the embarassing call to you where you answer and I say, "Um hi bestie - oh no - no reason for my call - other than can we talk about your vagina?"

Okay so - I bought the beard one and the head one for the hubby (he usually shaves his whole head) and they did NOT work at all - remember even irritated his skin badly sooooo let me just say - it took me a few weeks before I decided to put that on MY realllllyyyy sensitive highly coveted lady parts.  But I did.  And it worked pretty well so tonight I tried it again.

I still have questions though.  Those of you who didn't use it - let's pretend you did - and answer them how you think you would had you tried it.

Do you do this standing up or sitting down?
In the tub or just in the bathroom in general?
If in the tub - do you just not run water - you just lay there naked like a dumbass who can't work the water? 
Don't you feel like an idiot?
I'm a do-er - not a rest-er - so sitting for 9 minutes like this seems like torture.  I need to multi-task...maybe this is why Jenny said to get a People magazine.
Okay - how do you get it off?  Really with the credit card?  I'm been using a razor and then I think well this defeats the purpose....I could have just shaved it all and saved 9 minutes.
Is there some position where this magically feels normal - easy - smart?
Do you slather the coochie with lotion when you're done or leave it dry?

Ugh - I just feel like a complete nimrod when I do this process and it's still so weird to be done and then see "it".  I mean really see "it".  I haven't seen "it" for so long - because my eyes NEVER went below the stomach skin I detested.  And "it" looks so dumb - so barren - so freaking turkey-like.

I'm not making any sense am I?  What the hell is wrong with me - I'm all panic-attacking over hair on a vagina for God's sake?  The whole time I'm doing it I'm second guessing and doubting and thinking I have got to ask my bloggie girls about this.  Sick I tell you  - sick.

Wanna know the real kicker - I wrote this whole blog sober.  Remember me?  Never ever even been drunk - no lie.

Holy shit - maybe that's the key - I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS DRUNK!

Okay - yah - you don't have to answer any of my questions.  I mean really - could we all just pretend I never hit the "publish post" button - just this once?  I'll owe you one if we can just forget this ever happened......

I want to be Drazil - I'm pretty sure lizards don't have to deal with hairy crotches.

♥ Smooches & Hugs ♥

♪ Life isn't as serious as my mind makes it out to be. ♪

♣ Everything always passes, and everything is already okay. Stay in the place where you can see that & nothing will resist you. ♣


Gilly said...

k...first of all...let's get you drunk! My godliness! Someone get this woman some red wine!

Second of all, here's what I'd have done - since I stood in front of this product at the local Walmart (although did not purchase, because I'm just that handy with a razor). I would hold my huge gunt out of the way, and then I would slather my hoo with the goo...and then I would sit my ample arse on the edge of the tub and wait. THEN I would take something LARGER than a Barbie's foot, and I would scrape the goo off while wondering why I was doing this instead of hacking away with a razor.

THAT'S what I would do!

WonderWoman said...

Veet or maybe Nair makes this product that sounds similar to what you are using, but it also includes a razor like tool that has no blade but a straight edge with a razor handle. Maybe head to your local Walmartino's or Tarjay and see if you can find it? It would be easy to use and keep your credit card from being violated.

BanderificBeauty said...

Ya the product she is talking about is Veet Razara Bladeless. Thats what I use. I have learned I must not be too sensative because I burned my friends whootananny with it. When I do it I feel real special lol I go in the bathroom and slather it on praying I got it all over (im fat and cant see the whoo haa but I dont want it patchy like some poor dog with mange) So I make it thick ;) Then I sit on the edge of the tub like an insane person singing to myself and timing it with my cell phone. Then I do the fake razor they send with it. BAM smooth as a babies butt. And stays soft so no need for after lotion. You just have to do it a couple times and figure out what is right for you :) If you wash your hands good afterward bring in the cell and labtop and multitask girl. Or you can read a book or mag. I like to flip through the mags while Im doing it cause if I get something on it big deal :D

Debi said...

I've gotta tell you, you gal's are much more adventurous than I!!! LOL

I would never/could never do this to myself! I have enough trouble just shaving the normal areas!!!

I gotta hand it to you though, at least you try! My claim to adventure right now, is going for my Motorcycle license at age 54/55!!!

But I do love to read all of your exploits! I will live vicariously through you! :)

Nikki said...

OOOO boy...I am getting curious. I may have to go find this stuff...and uh...try it out...It seems like it may be a pain in the ass tho...I mean, I like my lady areas to be neat and purdy...but...I dont have that kinda patience...

I currently own one of those Gillette Trim Style thingys...its got a handy dandy end that looks like clippers (you know...the things guys get their hair cut with)it comes with a guard and all!...I am just getting the hang of that! I have learned to go WITH the hair...against It may not be all bald eagle...but its low enough!

Southern Belle said...

ok, I have purchased the MSP but not yet used it but I am going to give it a whirl tomorrow. I plan to slather, sit on the edge of the tub with a book and then remove the cream with a spatula..that's right a small metal spatula..I will give full report to let you know how it turns out.

tessierose said...

Listen to Gilly for crying out loud, she saves lives! Get a razor and be consistent, girl all that chemical should not be mingling in the lady station!

LauraLynne said...

make an appointment and get waxed already!! Don't make me come to where you are...waxing for the win!!

Smooth cootchie, gets to areas you don't even think of (if you're brave grab a mirror and check out where the hair extends to!!) and you don't have to worry about anything for 6+ more weeks!!'s just not for me :(

Sandy Lee said...

I think you should listen to Laura Lynne and just get it waxed at the salon with a lady who does this for a living. A few posts in the last couple of days say it doesn't hurt (OMG-how could it not!). Or just wait until you are old, and it all falls out anyway. Myself, I would go with the wine and then say Whoo-gives-a-tananny.

Dinnerland said...

Always a funny girl-- even when in hoo-hoo distress! If I read your post right, you're also talking about being surprised about what things "look like" down there after hair removal. The one time I went completely 'naked' there I felt like I looked like a 10 year old. Never again, not my style. But I doubt anything looks really weird or off with you-- it is just unexpected when you expose yourself that way after years of looking different.
Just my thoughts for ya'.

Dirttrackdiva said...

i'm with vanessa, waxing is not my deal. looks too young. however, after years of not being able to see mine, due to large boobs/belly i'm kinda new to the hoo ha shaving gig myself.
the bladeless thingy sounds like the way to go for me. less chance of the ouch factor. and waxing effin hurts! i wax my eyebrows and that's enough for me. lol
good luck my friend. keep us posted.

Butterfly/Amy said...

Girl, I just don't know what to say. I'm so worried about products like that because my skin in general is so sensitive, so I stick to shaving with a razor. I have seen the Nair product with the bladeless thing, that sounds like it would work well.

Carmen said...

i think lizard cooters are scaly..i prefer hair over scales :-)
i cannot even begin to imagine you drunk...i'm pretty sure something would get blown up!!
and just so you know the word verification was "munshi" i let your imagination take care of that one... :-)

Bella said...

LMAO @ all these helpful replies!

Hair removal really is a problem for the ages, isn't it?

Just wanted to say how lucky all you gals are to be able to get away with shaving/hair removal cream, coz my hairy spadger just goes all crazy on both of them!!! And you don't want a crazy spadger, believe me!

I used to get waxed back when ... but face it, who wants to go into a salon with a gorgeous young blemishless hottie pulling around at your who-ha, whilst you (or maybe just I) feel the constant need to apologise for how atrocious it all looks 'down there'?

Then I took to waxing myself... one word "OUCH".... and my inner contortionist got tired of firstly trying to get the wax into the unmentionable places, then secondly trying to get into a position where said places were stretched tight enough not to rip of all my freekin' skin along with the wax!!! (maybe I lay on my back on the bed with my legs up around my ears...but don't quote me on that!)

Have also had laser hair removal a few months ago and it did reduce the hair dramatically, but byjingo that little zapper gets VERY VERY noticable when it gets close to your pink bits, and all I could think of at the time was 'I paid good money for this torture?'

Now I just have one of those machines with little tweezers that spin around so fast that they rip the hair out at the root... sounds nice doesn't it? So I still have to get into some interestingly contortionistic positions, but I just close my eyes and mow on in there until it feels hairless enough to get me by for another month...

Oh, and as for that creature known as the bald badger? Tried it, was far too itchy and weird feeling, never went back...

Not sure that any of this was helpful, just wanted to contribute as it was a subject that I have A WHOLE LOT of experience at.

NOW FOR A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Don't remove hair drunk!!!! I've heard far too many war stories of injured winky's to even consider it... after all, it is your most valuable asset ;)

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

Seriously, I'm gonna have to go searching for the MSP & try it myself now. But if its all the same to you, I'm thinking it may require a bit of intoxication to actually get the job done, lol.