Monday, May 24, 2010

Jiggly parts, assless chaps and pee holding...

Hello my lovely little turkey bones!


It’s another list-y day!

1. I, Draz, am completely aware that May is almost over and at the beginning of May I was all “Bring on May, I’ll kick its ass, etc etc.”…..and I am also completely aware that I singlehandedly pissed another 20 or so days away before I got my ass in gear BUT it’s in gear. That’s what matters right? On Friday I did a 5k and some kickboxing, on Saturday I did the treadmill and on Sunday I did 3.5 miles outside in 90 degree weather. I haven’t worked out in over a month and my “jiggly parts” are bigger to prove it…but not for long.

2. Since I started working out again on Friday – which is only 1 – 2 – 3 days ago I have gained 6 pounds. Yup – scale is up 6 pounds. It makes me laugh and throw a temper tantrum at the same time. No way on earth did I gain that much in 3 days so it’s not fat but I thought I’d include this to prove to everyone that when you start working out your muscles burst and then they retain water to heal themselves. AND to prove that when I say I still swell 2 years after my tummy tuck – I’m not lying. My stomach is totally swelled today…I could pass for a couple months pregnant if my clothes weren’t hiding it so well. It sure does come in handy at the supermarket though….everyone is opening doors for me and lifting things….for the poor pregnant lady who is waddling you know.

3. I got up at the buttcrack of dawn today – no lie – 4:45AM my little bloggers – TO EXERCISE. Did you read that? I said 4:45AM!? Like morning. Like not at night. Like still dark out morning. Like carry my cell phone with me cuz the boogie man could still be out it’s so early.

I did another 3.5 miles and already at 5am it was 80 degrees. I plan to do another 3.5 tonight for a 7 mile day – even though right now it’s close to 100 degrees. I LOVE heat and love running in it. If I’m going to exercise I want to sweat and today that’ll happen no problem. Sexy I know.

4. I went to a Harley store this weekend and have only proven to myself once again that I love leather and men and tattoos and motorcyles and tattooed men in leather on motorcycles. I went home and got out my assless chaps – it is riding weather and I’m never happier than on the back of our motorcycle with my arms around my husband!

5. I get to see Jennifer my best friend this weekend and I’m super excited. Let the laughter begin I tell you! Jenny - are you ready?

6. Now that I’m back to being healthy I’m also back to drinking water like a fish. It is 2pm – I have held in my pee until now. All day long I have heard Explosive Man followed by Man that takes so long in there people think he’s dead followed by Martha Stewart whose poo smells like the perfume she bathes in – and so I have squeezed my little muscles so tight in trying to hold my pee in that I have a headache and the makings of a 6 pack vagina…..

I can no longer do it. I must put on my warrior outfit and enter the bathroom. It must be done. Wish me luck. If you never hear from me again you know what happened. Do not come looking for me. You will not survive. Please just put a hit out on Explosive Man.

Thank you.



21 comments:

Kristin said...

Now THAT's how we kick off a new week, Bloggers. Once again, Drazil shows us how it's done.

Go you on the exercise. I'm still waiting for someone to come into my room and kick my ass out of bed to make me exercise. That could seriously be a good idea for a business, couldn't it? People would hire you to come get their butts out of bed to go to the gym/run/whatever.

May isn't over yet, so you have ample time to kick its ass and you are on your way!

tessierose said...

LMAO! six pack va-jay-jay!

Jennifer said...

LMAO! You better make it back out of the restroom (or torture chamber) because we have THINGS TO DO!! Can't WAIT for the weekend!

Ramona said...

Could you pass some of your love of excercise my way please? My keg vagina is jealous of your six pack btw.

Carmen said...

6 pack vagina...assless chaps....wonderful!!!
will we see a draz & jen vlog? you could wear a mardi gras mask!

Barbara said...

I will take a 6-pack of what you got going on girl!!

Bonnie said...

4:45 AM? 7 MILES? 5K AND Kickboxing? Sounds like you are kicking ass and taking names. You go girl.

Nora said...

Damn... its 95 here and I was thinking that's way too hot to run in after work tonight, and I've already worked out this morning - then BAM. There you go with your two runs in one day, even in sweltering heat.

Pamela E. Williams said...

Two things:

No# 2....passing for a pregnant lady LMBO!!

and

Buttcrack of dawn....I so have to use that!

amandakiska said...

Good luck in the toilet! You are a super-stud with exercise!

Diz said...

Ummm...yeah, you're my hero. I just read this post and then committed to a run myself. IF you can do it, so can I. Two times in one day???? Yeah, you're my hero. I'm on it.

Sandy Lee said...

Well, I'm lazing around home on my DAY OFF! Glad that good old Queen Vickie decided we should celebrate her birthday. Anyway, drinking wine and enjoying my fill which hopefully will kick the weight loss. I guess we will have to kick you to get some weight loss going. Don't forget Chicago is ONLY 4 months away and we all have to look spiffy (that's an old fashioned word from the past). I am wondering-do you only have 1 toilet where you work. I would die as I visit at least 4 times a day with all the water I take in. You should demand a personal toilet for you.

Cindylew said...

Draz...can you do another 3.5 for me??? Sounds like you're in the freakin' zone girlfriend...good for you.
Me, I celebrated too soon with the whole "my port pain is gone" and since the day after I posted that, its been back. I haven't gained but exercise is still unthinkable. Appt. for 1st fill is next week so I plan on having a serious discussion with the Doc.

Crystal said...

congrats on getting back into exercising with such ferocity! at this rate the first part of may won't make a single bit of difference... and oooo - assless chaps... those can be fun ;)

btw, you have an award at my blog :)

Gwen said...

Assless Chaps? Ow ow!

Bella said...

:)

Jess said...

I love the pregnant sweaty assless chapped bitch on the back of a tattoo'd biker visual. Thanks.

Nella said...

Hail to the WORKOUT QUEEN! Way to go sunshine!

THE DASH! said...

Where's the thermometer? You must be sick - who the HELL gets up at 4.45 to exercise?... lmao. Love that you did though.

Amy W. said...

OH MAN! I just had the most brilliant idea! When you see Jenny you guys can make a vlog and you can wear a brown paper sack over your head with eye holes cut out.

That would be funny.

Or a halloween mask of some kind?

Dont hold your pee. Its bad for you.

I want assless chaps. I would totally wear them on Traceys bike with bikini bottoms on. And chaps.

karen said...

ROFLMAO