Monday, June 14, 2010

Can't you just pretend?

Once again I sit here wondering why on Earth I talk to anyone but you guys.

It’s my own fault…..I told a few people I am planning to do a ½ marathon.

You would think I told people I want to be impregnated with Darth Vader’s sperm. That’s the look I got. And just to clarify – I’m not getting the “you totally so cannot accomplish that” look. Nope. I’m getting the “why the hell would you want to do something so stupid?” look. And then of course the ever-endearing oh so encouraging “You are crazy” response that I love. Thanks assholes. Thanks.

Seriously – am I and you my blogger buddies the only people on this Earth who aspire to be more and do more? Doesn’t anyone else around me want to find a goal and work towards it and accomplish it and celebrate it?

YES - I know this marathon will SUCK a fat baby’s ass. How dumb do you think I am?

YES - I’m sorry I have become a fitness and health fanatic. I guess for me – it’s all or none. I can’t go back to who I was before and I can’t feel like I did before….so yah my goals have changed from “how fast can I eat the whole box of Krispi Kreme donuts” to “I wonder if I can run a marathon?”

Would it kill you to *pretend* you’re excited for me? Seriously - did you forget my husband works with hardened criminals so I know people who know people sooo at the very least you should be nice to me and blow smoke up my ass?

I know that when I was heavier and I was around athletes and they did things like marathons – things I thought I’d never do – yes – I was jealous. Of course I wanted to tie them up and shove sweet tarts in their mouths washed down with Mountain Dew. Of course I thought of running them over with my car daily.

BUT you can bet your sweet ass that when they told me they were going to run a marathon or climb a hill or hit a big weight loss number that I jumped up and down with them and said WAY TO GO and said “I knew you could do it” and told them they were worth it and I was proud of them.

Because I really was.

People think once you lose weight and are thinner – it’s over. They think you don’t struggle daily or you don’t have to exercise anymore just to maintain. They think your fitness goals stop. Some of them even think it’s easy.

It isn’t. I have to keep challenging myself. I have to be careful not to revert back to food just for pleasure.

So to the jerkoffs that I surround myself with I have this to say:

While you can’t believe I would be stupid enough to run for 13.1 miles….well…I hope you choke on your donut.

And one day when you wake up and you get healthy and you set a goal to complete your journey…I’ll still be your biggest cheerleader….because geez – it’s just the right thing to do.

Oh and you can kiss my ass too. My soon to be skinny non-jiggly marathon completing ass.

I think I might run this race wearing nothing but tight shorts and a hot sports bra just to piss you off even more.  I'll be sure to show your husband the pictures of me glistening in perspiration..... 


By the way my lovelies....this week I will surpass quite a few of my June goals - YAY me huh?  I was up at 4:30AM - that's as in before the birds are even awake - doing 3.5 miles.  Yesterday I did 9 miles. The assholes I am surrounded by each day need to keep telling me I'm crazy...cuz it just makes me run harder and longer....I'll show them all.  (insert evil laugh)

And thank you to each and every one of you who never doubted me....I needed that.  I am not only running this race for me.....I'm running it for each of you because without your encouragement I wouldn't be doing it...and I mean that.

Oh and one more thing....I answered the phone like 3 times this weekend!!!  And it wasn't Mom, husband or Jenny!  Woot!  That was Sat and Sunday's new thing. 

Friday I stopped in at a friend's house and stayed for drinks and pizza.....wowser huh?  Last night I even invited myself on a walk with two girls.....did you hear me?  I invited myself!!  Who would have thunk it? 

This morning I said HI to everyone who walked past me on my morning run/walk instead of pretending not to see them.  Look at that - birds aren't even awake and Draz is out farting gumdrops!!

Maybe I really am Moses....cuz miracles are happening all around me!


Emilia said...

Woohoo! Up before the crack of dawn to go for a run. Grats on the 1/2 marathon, keep up the hard work!

Much love~

DB said...

Wow - You got alot off your chest! I hope you feel better now & thank you for running for me :) I have complete faith in you dear girlie!

Nora said...

7th grade health provided me with many fun life lessons. The top two would be the joy of Mr. Sketch scented markers and the second would be, "Don't blow out my candle to make yours shine brighter.".

A half-marathon will be nothing for you! I bet by next year your tiny behind, minus one Sheniqua, will be owning full marathons - because, why couldn't you!?

-Grace- said...

Draz, can I just say how immensely proud I am to call you my friend? Seriously. You are amazing!

I know you will finish the half marathon and I also know that you will finish with a great time! How's that for encouragement??

Screw all those people who can't give you encouragement or at least act happy for you! You will totally show them---use their doubt to light a fire under your ass, just as you have done!!

Lastly, kudos for picking up the phone--baby steps! I'm proud of you, honey!

Love you mucho! ***Hugs***

Flabby McGee said...

you are awesome!!! completely! Being into health and fitness is so much better than, say - being a fan of Dunkin Donuts. You should pat yourself on the back for setting some great goals for yourself. Way to go!!!!!

Sandy Lee said...

Go for the Gold! Yeah for running (well you, not me). If you did 9 miles yesterday, the half marathon will be a walk in the park. If I could, I would be there to cheer you past the finish line. Go Draz!

rskmom said...

You can SO do anything you put your mind to!!!

Beth said...

To anyone who does not support you or encourage you: SCREW THEM. They just don't get it, but in 10 years when they are getting their vains unclogged they will be wishing they had had your will to be healthier and accomplish your goals. GO YOU DRAZ!!!

~ Katie ~ said...

You rock Draz!

Jennifer said...

I couldn't be prouder of you!!!!!

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

People looked at me the same way every time I told them about Around the World... it just made me more determined. SCREW THEM ALL!

Have to tell you, we have Sheniqua lady on one of our local news channels. She just started I think, but everytime see her or hear say her name I start giggling... and think of you. :)

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Damn, I'm jealous! I would love to run 3 miles even! Someday, I know I will. I think you are a kick ass girl! You show them how it's done, mama!

karen said...

Okay where would we be if no one set goals to improve the thinggs around them or themselves - probably extinct. And what's thsi answering the phone and going out- Shit girl you're just breaking through all the boundaries. You go for that 1/2 in your tight ass shorts - Hell I can see ya doing a whole marathon next year as determined as you are. I myself would just be happy to be able to run past 2 minutes but I'll get there.

Gen said...

Well of course I think its awesome! And I am totally jealous, but not for the typical reasons....I did my half marathons at 199 lbs and about 189, respectively....and I can only imagine how much easier it would be in the 160s....

It is totally worth it. My first half marathon was the most amazing feeling of accomplishment. (To be honest, the first half felt way cooler than actually doing an entire marathon! Something about the first time....)

Meanwhile, I have the exact opposite problem. The friends and people I am around think a marathon is no big deal, just a part of life! So I am the weird one for not doing marathons all the time! And when I do finally get around to running that 17 mile mountain race, it will be "oh, finally. What took you so long? I've done it 6 times already!"

So screw them all, strap on your cute running bra and GO FOR IT!

Carmen said...

F them. They just had big old glasses of HATERADE! :-)

BTW When I read about the marathon I too thought "Is she crazy?!?!" But only because I think anyone who willingly runs without something chasing them is crazy, there is no doubt in my mind that you can and will do it! :-)

Band-Babe said...

Running in a half marathon doesn't sound stupid or horrible at all. I think you'll actually have fun, especially if you're already up to nine miles. Making everyone jealous will just be the cherry on top!

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

If you don't wanna be teased like that maybe you should use some that info in that email I sent ya. You know you love me. :)

Cindylew said...

The people who can't muster up well wishes or words of encouragement are simply mad at themselves for requiring so little of themselves in their own lives.
Now if only you can spread some of those gumdrop farts my way...if only they were contagious...I want to feel the joy you so clearly feel right now...I miss "joy".

Jenny said...

For the record, I totally think you're crazy but it has nothing to do with the marathon! jk!!! :P

People just suck sometimes. They're just jealous because you are doing something awesome!

Nella said...


Bonnie said...

Some people like to put you in a box and get uncomfortable when you want to break out. You go for it, girl.

Derek and Mary said...

I give you props for getting up at 4:30!! Way to go! I'm jealous that you're running a half marathon, what an accomplishment!

TrippyTexan said...

Digging through your archives as I type-- I hope you'll forgive me for commenting before I've read EVERY LAST DROP but I just wanted to tell you that I love what you've done here. I'm sure your 1/2 marathon will go great. Don't let the naysayers get you down.

Southern Belle said...

Yay runner barbie!!! I am so proud of you!

Girl Bandit said...

I LOVE talking to strangers....what is wrong with me...I KNOW you can do it and I would be even more determined to proe those unbelievers wrong....I am with you...just pretend...stop being mean...and especially stop being mean to Drazie!!!!

Dirttrackdiva said...

i say way to go girl! and fuck them. what the hell do they know? all they know is the work you. and no one, NO ONE, is the same person at work than they are at home with the friends. which is what we all are when we blog.
at home, with our friends.