Monday, June 28, 2010

Mrs. Fatass made me do it.

Weelllhellhell…hello my loverlies.


Monday Monday. Um yah, I’d rather teach my kids to go poo on the potty again than repeat this day. Nothing major going on – I just don’t have it in me to love a Monday. It seems sadistic.

Can I just say to all of you BYOC’ers out there with all the “hidden” and nipple piercings – you’re all a bunch of shameless hussies? I am shocked. Every time I read about another one of you I nearly fell off my chair (in envy). Okay and for realz…we all know since my breast reduction that my nips are at constant attention and I hate that they show through bras. Can I just ask how the hell you hide the fact that your nipples are pierced? Is that possible?

Random vent….my mother-in-law pissed me off this weekend…and she only did it cuz my husband wasn’t with me. She would have never said the things she said had he been in the room. Ever. How did the awesome man I married come from this person? This concludes my random vent. Carry on.

Wait until you guys see my June goals. I told you I would kick June’s ass and I wasn’t kidding. I went running this weekend and I swear I must look like a horse when I run. I mean I “feel” so heavy – like lifting my own body to run requires so much energy and the next time I feel as light as the wind. I was sweating like a whore, singing to my heavy metal, flipping off anyone who pointed at me and sucking water the whole time. Such a pro I am huh? Is that multi-tasking or what?

I have since realized if I’m going to run this marathon I need new shoes, new earphones, a new Ipod holder, and a new water holder. Would any of you like to donate to my marathon fund…hmmmm? Good God – I’m going to have to do my own fundraiser. What can I give as a prize? I’ve got it – Sheniqua!!! Dude – you don’t even have to give me money for her – I’ll give you her fat azz for free.

Um let’s see what else? OMG in Heaven! I tried Mrs. Fatass’s cure to bikini razor burn. I shall blog about it tomorrow. You’re going to be freaking shocked. I’m not kidding. Wowser. Just wowser.

I’m scared to walk outside to my car from work tonight…within eyeshot of every man who works here…cuz I’m wearing a dress and it’s windy….and I wanted to be a badass and forgot my skivvies – on purpose….and I’m afraid the wind is going to blow up my dress just for karma’s sake. Can you freaking imagine? My turkey necked vagizzle all out there up in the air……I’d never come back to work. But it serves me right for being such a hussy huh? Can you imagine what my mother would say? Where did this Catholic girl go wrong I ask you?

Okay – I just wanted to check in and say hey to all my followers! You guys rock….come back tomorrow for some full on vagizzle blog porn. Mrs. Fatass made me do it. Blame her if you’re offended mmkkaayy?

Be well my friends,
~Drazee

18 comments:

TracyZ said...

I have been a BYOC slacker...but just so you know I used to have some questionable piercings. But my family reads my blog so there is no f'ing way I'd be posting about that!!

And who's calling who a hussy!?! No underpants...what would your MIL say about that!?!?

kagead said...

Really. When its one billion degrees with one trillion percent humidity, going commando is just good sense.

Jess said...

Does your vagizzle hang low? does it wabble to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow? Can you throw it over your shoulder?....shit I forgot the end! Oh well! I free-ball it all the time and love it! I say rock it out, lady! Can't wait to read what happened tomorrow! lol

1reign said...

Jess that is hilarious can't remember the rest either but was tempted to google it. So Draz you are buff muffing it huh, can't say blame you here in Tampa when I leave for work at 615a is already 90 degrees.

Nella said...

TOTALL HUSSY! Love it!

Cindylew said...

Can't wait for tomorrow's post...please wear underwear as you type it.

Bonnie said...

Don't even get me STARTED on Monster-in-Laws.

Miss S. said...

Evil MIL. I bet she'd shut the hell up if she knew how big your turkey balls are walking around today without skivvies. And she'd probably be scared you'd feed them to her for Thanksgiving.

Miss S. said...

Sorry-coming off my own MIL weekend Blitz-I may have projected a little....

Joey said...

Sorry if I scared you!
Well done with the running! I want to grow up to be just like you!

MrsFatass said...

Holy Crapballs I can't wait til tomorrow. And I may never wear underwear again.

-Grace- said...

OH MAN! I felt the same way---so many nipple & tongue piercings in our frisky bunch!

Chicago better watch OUT!

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

You are so awesome. You really are!

I hear you on the dress. I sorta kinda did the same thing. Did you know I love Spanx because they're-erm-engineered to go potty in without risking the biscuit in a can explosion? Love them.

There's just the same problem that you had. It's a little uncomfortable, even when not worried.

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

Avoid sidewalk grates when you're wearing a dress and nuttin' else. That's my advice.

My MIL is a piece of work, too.

karen said...

I have had my dress blown over my head by the wind when I was commando - and I was in the gro0cery store parking lot - with my brother - who nearly died of embarassment. ah the good old days.

Vaia said...

As a proud member of the nipple-piercing club, I have to say there is NO FREAKING WAY to hide that shiznit. I swear a breeze can be on the next block and they will be at attention. I've tried the bandaid fix and the quadruple layers - nothing. Oh well. I deal.

Yum Yucky said...

Maybe these nipple-pierced chicks wear those breastfeeding pads. You know, so milk doesn't leak of out the nipple and stain the clothes. Except they don't leak milk. They just use it for extra padding and concealing. I dunno?

Sooze said...

Okay.. so the bras I wear have quite a bit of padding, but as far as I know I've never had a problem with my nipple rings showing unless I was wearing a bathing suit.. but then I don't really check out my own boobs a lot. That requires looking in a mirror and well.. you know..

I hope the wind karma didn't get you. It got me once. In the parking deck. right in front of a maintenance man... with very minimal undies - instant death mortification. Yup. Would never want you to have to deal with that. :D