Friday, June 4, 2010

The time has come....

... to officially stop playing hard to get and be gotten I guess. I’m nervous. 20 freaking years – one man – seen me at my heaviest and bursting pregnant, big-boobed and un-tummy-tucked and everything in between and I’m nervous to put on my new VS lingerie and parade around pretending like I'm enjoying myself when all I really want is a huge sweatshirt and gym pants and more ice cream. 
I was being all sneaky teasy last night and said to my husband…wanna see my lingerie that I bought in the bag?

Do you know what he said? I’m not sure what’s worse – him doing this or me being dumb enough to think he wouldn’t do this. But I was still shocked.

He says, “I already looked. Did you get thigh-highs to go with the straps?”

HUH? WHAT? You just rained on my “dangle it in front of him but never show him” parade.

Then again – the bag has been sitting in the bedroom – did I seriously think he could resist going through it? He does have a penis after all. But man, I wanted to see his face.

So anyway – now it’s on. Tonight is the night. I plan to be standing at the top of the steps decked out like a lingerie model holding a beer with a brand new smooth whootananny.

My luck? Someone will open the door and it’ll be my mother or something. Oy.


***********
On another note – I forgot to tell you all one of the best parts of my weekend with Jenny. Those of you who read her blog already know. Guess who called us? Well first – let me set the stage. I’m downstairs on my way upstairs and I hear blood-curdling screaming. I cannot see Jenny’s face – only screaming. I think an axe murderer has broken in and stabbed her. Or someone died. Or she saw me in my bikini.

Then I realize she is smiling. Laughing. Peeing her pants.

GILLY IS ON THE PHONE. Gilly from Canada. Gilly from Something something something fat chick. We were dying. I have no idea how Gilly even heard a word we said since Jenny and I talked at the same time like usual and spent most of the time screaming and telling Gilly we loved her. After we hung up I was sure to give Jenny the proper guilt trip about how she doesn’t react that way when I call. (I hate Gilly and I’m prepared to sit on her if she tries to take Jenny from me.) My fears are unwarranted about Gilly stealing Jenny because we have reason to believe Gilly loves Joey. She might even be stalking her. Something about saving her life or something. (Joey – you’ve been warned – lock your doors.)

Okay – love bugs – BYOC is on it’s way after a bit. I’m so nervous about my lingerie episode I can’t think straight. Maybe I should get drunk for the first time in my life – would that help?

Loves to you all….


26 comments:

tessierose said...

You crack me up. Getting drunk, yeah that helps me, I totally become a lingerie model with a few cocktails!

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Congratulations on 20 years!!!! I hope you have a wonderful night and weekend with the hubs!

Stephanie said...

Good luck to you on the whole lingere reveal. I hope it goes better for you than it did for me tow years ago. I spent a freakin fortune on a corset, thigh highs, stiletto heels and garter belt and while husband was out for the evening, supposed to be home by 11:00, I got all fancied up and waited for him to come home...and waited, and waited. He came home about 2 1/2 hours later. I had gone to bed. Needless to say I never wore them again (they actually went into the trash that night left in the middle of the kitchen where he could see them in there). Men are idiots sometimes.

beautifulinsideandout said...

Um Yeah, so clearly....clearly... you all don't realize that I am Gilly's one and only love. Clearly! (like c'mon I was there first...)

*giggle* I'm glad you all are realizing really, without even meeting her, just how great of a person she is!

As for the lingerie. Let me tell you. My husband. He has a habit. It's called...EBAY. He sees something he likes on a model, or just in a picture, and he buys it... and expects me to wear it. I don't know how many times I have told him that bra sizes mean nothing, and that babydolls only look good when the girls are pointing up. This stuff needs to be tried on...

So yeah, I have a whole dresser filled with the stuff. A WHOLE DRESSER.

But not one thing from VS. Except for some lipgloss and perfume. Because not one thing they have has ever fit me. boo! So... I'm jealous! Wear it! Your husband will adore it! And yes, a couple of drinks (but not too many) may help :)

Believe me my dh is very much looking forward to when I can wear VS... I see a trip over the border coming...

River said...

I know he is your husband but I'm gonna have to say men can be the stupidest beings on earth!! You can take a look but man you don't do that to your woman. Have some brains.

Sorry I just felt disappointed in him. Hope your night goes "FINE" and you're gonna look "FINE".wink.wink.

Julie, The Accidental Fat Chick said...

Hmmm didn't I just tell you yesterday to make sure he didn't peek in the bag? Pretty sure I did, lol. But then I suppose it was too late by then... because like you said, he does have a penis which means he peeked at the very first opportunity.

Have fun tonight! :)

The Curvaceous Conundrum said...

Confidence is key my love. If you dont feel it, fake it! :)

Hope your night is spectacular!

Xo

Pamela E. Williams said...

To funny. The lingerie moment will go well. Ok now I'm thinking of all the intimate soap opera scenes I've seen. Nice going Draz.

Beth said...

Of all the rediculous things I have learned about you this one boggles me - u have never been drunk b4????????????

TracyZ said...

You seriously crack me up.

And I am with Beth...boggled by this idea that you've never been drunk.

Ice Queen said...

Don't get drunk. You need to have all of your facilities when you blow that man's socks off when he finally gets to see you in all your glory.

Congratulations on 20 years. :D

Kim said...

Draz! I now have my own smooth nether reagions - just posted my waxing story!

Sarah said...

You've never been drunk??? Wow. I'm VERY impressed. Don't do it - I'll take care of it for you. That is what friends are for, after all! Good luck!!!

T. Michelle said...

I say get drunk...but not too drunk though...getting drunk ALWAYS makes things that you wouldnt normally do much easier! (at least for me)

whootnanny...i love that word...LMAO! thats right up there with ass jingles...lol

Sumer said...

Honey...don't worry about it....the lingerie won't be on for long!
Your gonna have one happy man! Good luck and HAVE FUN!!!

LDswims said...

Ok...now...see...your man went and unearned his big reveal. I say you set him up for a major show of everything...and then wear the sweats and oversized everything. Maybe...underneath...if he can get over his "disappointment" that's where you wear all the sexy stuff...and see if he earns his way in. :)

Awesome to get to talk to Gilly!

Sylvia said...

“I already looked. Did you get thigh-highs to go with the straps?”

LMAO!!!!

Don't get drunk...do you want to get puke all over your getup? ;)

Carmen said...

lol
i'm sure the sexy stuff willl be on for about 2.2 seconds before it's on the floor! lol
have fun mama
xoxo

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

You should TELL him you wanted to see his face. I think that is terribly sexy. FYI

You're a rockstar. REally. Nothing to worry about.

McKayla said...

Haha too funny!

You need to let us know how "it" went!

Gilly said...

I'ma get you SOOOOO drunk in Chicago!

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

You are going to drive him absolutely WILD BEASTIE!

I can imagine the aftermath. He's sound asleep and you're tip-toeing down the stairs to get to your computer to write about it......

ENJOY!!!

Cindylew said...

I hope you have a great night but more importantly...I want something "drazil-like" to transpires so you make us pee ourselves reading tomorrow's blog.
Bring it home mama...bring it home.

Diz said...

OMG I hope you have the best time ever!!! Get some! For those of us who aren't getting any- get some and get it goooooood. :)

Southern Belle said...

First of all you need to get a better hiding place so you can shock the man!! Second I hope he didn't rip your new lingerie trying to get it off you faster!! Face it dear, you are hot and you are rocking the VS!! Hope last night was fun.

Girl Bandit said...

I want details!!! LOL....how the hell did Gilly get her phone number???