Thursday, July 22, 2010

Pubes, Lubes and Dubes....

Hello love muffins!

So how many of you perverts are only reading this because of my enticing title? Ha – I know you all so well.

First off – I puffy glittery sparkley heart today. It’s raining…like big donkey balls of rain. And thunder and lightening. God, I love rain. I laid in bed extra minutes today just listening…the only thing that would have made it better would have been Rambo….and a bag of Milky Ways maybe.

Oh and someone asked yesterday from my blog what a cheesecurd was. OH MY GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN – it’s a cheese orgasm in your mouth. A tiny piece of squeaky yellow or white cheese breaded and deep fried. Nearly impossible to resist….so just having one is quite a feat I must say. People eat them plain too – not breaded – and cold….I should bring a bag to Chicago. You’ll eat one and then you’ll stalk me for more. Around here we deep fry anything – seriously anything. This year at the fair they are serving deep fried cheesecake, deep fried oreos and deep fried butter. Wowser huh? It’s a heart attack on a stick – all for $4.99….and all your friends can watch.

Let’s move on to pubes. Acky poo – I’m pretty sure I need to add this to the list of words and things in general I hate. I feel like a creep just saying the word. Anywhoozle, I just have one thing to ask. How many freaking pube hairs do you lose in a day? Me? Well, not many – in fact I’d be inclined to say NONE. Certainly not 3 or say 4 or 5. Certainly not enough to fall onto a toilet seat on both sides. Certainly not enough to make someone barf (another word I hate) before they sit down and go pee. I only lose them when I shave the suckers off. What the holy hell? Now as if holding my nose and my breath before I go pee isn’t bad enough – I have to bend down and act like the Big Bad Wolf and chant….”and I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow all the pubes off the ring” – before I sit down. Where are these pubes all coming from? How do they get all over the seat? Do you stand and shake? Oh the nightmares….

Lubes? Um, how about my car needs an oil change?

Dubes? Um….I got nothing. Never tried one…

Oh oh oh – guess what? Operation Detox Draz is going strong…well maybe not strong but going. If you recall, Day 1 had me down 3 and Rambo down 2. No cheats, no sugar, no caffeine. Day 2 was tougher. Yes, we’ve already noted I have the will power of an ant. I don’t think going cold turkey on caffeine is smart when I’m prone to migraines so I’m cutting back slowing – weaning if you will. So yesterday I had one Pepsi for 150 cals and I had a bite size Milky Way…..so there you go. Sugar and caffeine on Day 2 – even with that I was under 650 cals so not too bad. Rambo had a few drinks of my Pepsi and had an apple fiber bar. He was under 650 cals too. And the result???

Rambo down 3 lbs today, Draz down 2.5. So in 2 days we’ve lost 5.5 each.

Now onto the good stuff. Yes, yes, you all get to point your little skinny fingers at me and say “I told you so Draz, you idiot, what were you thinking?”…and gloat like any good friend would. I’ll say it – this detox is HARD. Not like I want to pull out my own fingernails hard but tough. Then again, my head seems clearer, I feel less “puffy” and leaner and it’s working. I don’t feel as fluffy – even though I know it’s only 5.5 lbs. I am drinking ½ my body weight in water and that’s a huge thing and a habit I’ll be happy to keep.

We won’t be doing this for 30 days though. God, do I suck or what? But really it wasn’t realistic – considering the magnitude of picnics and outings we have where food is literally not in our control. We are going to continue low cal – 1000 or less – for 7 full days. After that – are you ready? Oh my God – half of you are going to unfollow me I know it. We’re going to do the 14 day induction phase of Atkins. NO – we aren’t going to eat bacon all day followed up by 6 t-bone steaks. We ARE going to eat good protein with massive amounts of veggies netting under 20 carbs a day. We ARE still cutting white flour, white bread, white pastas, sweets and chips. We ARE going to get healthier. We ARE going to be able to go back to major workouts due to upping our calories. We don’t like not working out – we do it as a family and we want our girls to continue to be a part of that but on 500 calories it’s not smart.

Rambo is actually surprising me. He keeps stopping me in the hall as I pass or starts talking when I think he’s asleep and says, “Baby, this is it. We’re going to have a new healthy life. We’re going to do this. Our girls will see us both healthy.” And a part of me really wants to hope….that he’s right.

So there you have it. Bring out the stones. Start whipping them at me.

Or better yet – whip them at Sheniqua….she has lots of cushioning – she can take it.

23 comments:

Pamela E. Williams said...

You keep me laughing. Have you considered stand up comedy?? Just a thought. Anyway, because I'm from the south the "fried everything" is something I know all to well here. Lord help me. that will be one of the things I will surely miss once I'm banded (although I like butter, I just refuse to try the fried version - now fried twinkies....OMG)

Congrats on the WL to you and to Mr. Rambo!!

Jennifer said...

First you and Stephanie ruined white cheese sauce for me - NOW you ruin cheese curds?!!! Ahhh...my eyes - it's too early to read cheese orgasm (in your mouth) and not get sick! Blecky.

I *am* going to whip you for the Pepsi and milky way. (Which was all started by that 1/2 a little bitty cheese curd) QUIT IT! Gewt the junk out of the house & office It needs not be around. There are other ways to get caffeine right? What about iced tea with spenda? Try that for me.
It's not as hard as a 14 day ALL LIQUID diet..is it? lol - If I can do it you can too. Problem is, if you make up your mind to do it - you have to just do it otherwise you loose credibility with YOURSELF. And that's the worst person to lose credibility with, I think.

I'm glad you are switching to the 14 day induction phase. Watch your veggies though - you're not allowed that much - many of them have lots of carbs. The first week sucks but the 2nd week you have tons of energy. You'll not be hungry either - which is always a bonus in my opinion. It is also where I learned in immense dislike for any 'fake' foods. Low-fat (chemical & sugar laden) and the like. I like real food. Butter, milk, cream, fats, proteins and good veggies. mmmmmMMMMM! But then again, I'm your fat friend - so what do I know? hahahaha! :)

tessierose said...

Seriously, what an awful name for something that sounds sinful, cheese "CURD" oooo. You can do whatever you want to do, but I'm with Jen on this one, just step away from the Pepsi and Chocolate!

TracyZ said...

You and Rambo have inspired me. Well, you usually inspire me (that's why I follow you, duh), but this time you inspired me to DO something.

Today I am starting a detox of my own. A detox from slider foods and all the shit I know I am not supposed to eat.

It's not easy. I remember doing this once recently...oh right, it was that whole surgery bit I went through in December. Time to get back to it!

I am shooting for 7 days of no sliders (except my morning greek yogurt). :) Love to you!

Leah said...

Congrats on the 5.5 pound weight loss Drazil!! I don't blame you on the pepsi or milkyway... I haven't had soda in a while, and sometimes I still need one here and there. Milky Way... well, I'm more of a Reese's girl, but hey, chocolate is chocolate and every girl needs her fix!! Even though you had them, you controlled them to just one and resisted the urge to get more for the day, so HEY! I think that is a HUGE accomplishment! I had a crystal light pop last night, only 15 calories, but it was SO GOOD! With a side of chocolate milk (what can I say, chocolate milk has to be one of my favorite drinks of all time... besides milk! lol) Good luck on the Atkins diet!! I've never been a fan of any of those EXCEPT weight watchers, so I don't really know how to do it or anything... but GOOD LUCK!! :) And you guys can do it!! Rambo is 100% right!! Y'all are going to do it!! I can whip Sheniqua still for you if you want though... lol Have a good day Draz! :)

Kerri said...

We just bought 2 pounds of cheese curds while we were in Wisconsin over the weekend. No the fried ones. I like these better. Squeaky, cheesy heaven!!!

Barbara said...

The fact that you got through 2 days of detox is a miracle to me..
If you want to go to a real interesting website on clean eating go to deflame.com.

Or better yet take a peak at that new book Toxic Fat.. some good scientific stuff about inflammation and the impact on our bodies and fat.

hugs.

Ice Queen said...

Congrats on the 5.5 pounds. That is great. And fast! e careful in your really lo cal phase, especially while driving.

Honestly, I don't see the need to dump caffeine from your life, unless you are sensitive to it and it does bad things to you. But it is your thing to do. Just sayin... ;)

Stay away from the candy bars and deep fried cheese, tho. Those are not detox foods. lol I love cheese and Milky Ways make me float like Scooby Doo after he gets a Scooby Snack.

Oh and yeah... I lose a pube, now and then. But I don't lose them all over my frakking bathroom or all over a public bathroom. You would think, since it belongs to that person, they wouldn't be too good to pick it up and dispose of it. Yuk.

I can't use my spell check in this tiny reply box! Waaahhh!

Nella said...

Oh my, I love love fried foods ! Soo bad and taste soo good!

amandakiska said...

Fried butter? YUCK! That sounds really, really gross. Your diet sounds tough too! I wouldn't mind losing 5.5 lbs. in 2 days, though! You are a super star!

Sooze said...

Ok, now I've heard of cheese curds - my dad always brings them back when he goes to Wisconsin.. and they're tasty.. but FRIED? YUM! Never had them fried!! I have had a fried twinkie, and a fried oreo, at one time we even had a local restaurant with fried oreos on the desert menu.

5.5 pounds is awesome!! Keep it up girl! You'll be all kinds of "less fluffy"! ;)

THE DASH! said...

Those cheese curds sound deadly! Positively DONT EAT THEM deadly - cos you won't be able to stop lol.
Hey, congrats on the great weight loss this month. Doing so great still. Great post.

Marie said...

Thanks...now I want a milky way....
I'll blame you for no weight loss this week!

DiZneDiVa said...

Wow! 5.5 pounds in 2 days... amazing! You are gonna turn heads on your vacation.... that's for sure. *Maria*-Blogger from "This one time at Band Camp..." Check out my blogs at mybigfatbandgeeklife.blogspot.com

Sandy Lee said...

Those up here in Quebec have their mainstay with cheesecurds. A real heart attack on a plate. Pile a bunch of French Fries on a plate, cover with cheese curds then ladel on a ton of gravy. Call it something cool, Poutine (pronounced Poo-teen) and everyone wants it. Even McDonald's serves it in their Quebec stores. I don't like it but then I'm not french!

Here is a technique to keep you on the straight and narrow. Everytime you want to eat something you shouldn't, have sex. Rambo will love me for that suggestion, but think of the calories you will burn. Send the kids out to play.

Cindylew said...

It's a mystery to me how I made it to this point in my life without having heard of cheesecurd. Now I'm on a mission to find me some curd.

Joey said...

Awwwwwww. Your husband is sweet.

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

Sold battered and fried Snicker bars and Twinkies as a fundraiser at a community fair last summer. (Not my idea; just a volunteer.) What a load of calories! Definitely not on a detox or low-carb diet.

It's great that your husband is so into the program. Keep up the good work!

Jacquie said...

Your comment on my blog this morning stopped me in my tracks and brought tears (i am not blowing smoke up your ass) to my eyes.

As soon as Steve woke up I asked him to take me for a ride later in the day. Unfortunately, some freakin ass person decided they wanted to buy a condo today so my whole days plans changed in the blink of an eye and i didn't go for the ride. We now have plans for a ride on Saturday.

Your words just hit me like a ton of bricks. There was nothing that my Dad loved more than to ride his Harley and I know it would kill him to know that I wasn't riding with Steve because of the accident. So, you've done it again Draz...you've helped me see the light and I thank you for it more than i can say. I will let you know how the ride goes Saturday.

Love ya!

Carmen said...

hmmmm i never had a FRIED cheese curd....i was talking about the naked ones lol

Bonnie said...

You've lost more in 2 days than I did the week after my surgery. I'm not jealous or anything. Oh, hell, yes I am. :-)

Kristin said...

Good work sticking with the detox (and moderating it a bit - smart move). I'm proud of you!!

Lucas said...

Deep Fried BUTTER???

SHUTTHEFRONTDOOR!!!!

I live in Minnesota where the state fair is all about the deep fried foods and it's ALL on a STICK! Deep Fried Spaghetti and Meatballs on a Stick? Yeah, we got that! But BUTTER? That's a new one, even for us, deep-fried-foods-on-a-stick freaks that we are!