Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I Wish Wednesday...

It’s time for I Wish Wednesday….

First and foremost I wish you all knew how talented my BFF is. Not only has she made headers for half of blog land, but look at my sassy title fonts and check out my Skittles at the end of every post! OMG – they are to die for cute, yes? She rocks…she has a knack and an eye for this stuff and one day she’s going to be rich and famous for all her fun, blog creations and you guys can all say….”I knew Jennifer back when…..” Thanks BFF!

I wish you all also knew that my wonderful BFF has put restrictions on how many things I can pack to take to Chicago. I am only allowed 14 curling irons and have a 5lb weight limit on makeup. Um, I’m an overpacker in a big way. Um, clearly Jenny knows this. I fear being unprepared….and I need shoes for every outfit. I told her if she continued to put restrictions on my packing, that I’d rent a large cargo van and make her drive that to Chicago. LOL!

I wish with everything in me that the bastard who made the shoes I wore yesterday would die a slow, painful, torturous death and that I could pull out his eyelashes one by one. Oh I know it was a man. My feet still hurt an entire day later. Black, sassy pumps….cute as ever…..should have known they suck cuz they were only $12.99. Seriously in all of my 25 years of life I have never worn a pair that hurt so bad – I didn’t even walk to the kitchen to refill my water cuz walking would hurt too much. They hurt even when I was sitting down without my weight on them!!! What the fuh? And if all of you blessed souls completely just missed the fact that I said I am only 25 – well then – remind me to kiss you extra in Chicago. I have redeemed myself – today I’m sporting zebra heels. Take that jackhole - who has clearly never worn a heel in your life. Go back to the drawing board!

I wish I didn’t dream – at all – period. I don’t have good dreams. I’m a worry wart and when I sleep my subconscious goes nuts. Last night I dreamed I was living with my parents again somehow but I was still with Rambo and I got in an argument with my dad and finally – he said the words I knew he felt all his life. He looked at me point blank and said, “I never loved you….ever.” Now yes, I know it’s a dream and isn’t true but I can’t tell you how many times in my life I felt it was true. And it stung – even in dream land. And it hurt even more – in awake land. *sigh*

I wish I didn’t love to read trashy, smutty, romance novels because my God in heaven no man on Earth talks like that or acts like that or “devours a woman’s heart and soul with one plunge of his manhood”….but I’d like him to. I want Rambo to be the guy on the cover of the trashy novel and then “claim dominance over his woman with a fire in his eyes while his loincloth sways in the breeze barely covering his enormous shaft.” Yup, I should probably go back to reading self-help books – Rambo hates loincloths and he uses words of complete romance like “porking” and “railing”. And like I told Jenny, when we went dress shopping every time he zipped up my dresses he completely felt it was necessary to grab my ass before smacking it on my way to the dressing room. Now I admit it wasn’t very nice to not wear underwear and taunt him with that but still…..romance buddy – romance!

I wish I was a better mom….one that loved noise and the word “Mommy” being repeated 25x before I even get my shoes off and one that didn’t drown myself and the day’s stresses in my blogs and PT jobs. I wish I was what they needed me to be. I wish I wasn’t so self-centered so I could give it to them. Instead the word Mommy 25x before I even enter the kitchen after a long day of work is like nails on a chalkboard and I find myself wondering if I’m cut out to be a parent. I am closed off – not available – I’m protective of giving all of myself for fear there’ll be nothing left for me. I am knowingly not giving 110% and claiming exhaustion and fear. And while I may be truly exhausted and scared – it is wrong, they deserve better and I’ll regret this one day if I don’t fix it. I’ve got to find a way to let go of corporate me who feels important and worthy and sought out in a different way – and embrace the parent in me who is wanted and needed in a whole other way….because dammit I knowingly signed up for this….and my girls had no choice. To continue this pattern – is shameful really….and I mention it so maybe none of you will be tempted to do the same. Corporate me isn’t really worth a shit if the non-corporate me continues to be an asshole you know?

Lastly – I wish it was September 23rd – I’d be on my way to Jenny’s with a car full of Joey’s wine, soon to see the BOOBS t-shirts, and my 16 bags and 14 curling irons and Doritoes. Soon my little Skittles – soon!

What do YOU wish today?


Beth said...

wait ... men dont act like romance novel characters??? maybe thats where im going wrong he he

MandaPanda said...

If you didn't steal those lines directly from a trashy romance novel, then you should write one! You can basically just write the same book over and over and change the names and era and bam! You're the next Nora Roberts. I feel you on the "mommy" thing. I love my kids (of course) but I'm not nearly as patient as I should be...especially lately.

Maria said...

I think our hubbies must be long lost brothers... favorite words in our house are "boning" and "banging".

Pamela E. Williams said...

I love Beverly Jenkins and Francis Ray romance novels. I just let myself fall into their world. I always wonder where they get their characters because I don't think there is any man in the world that says or does the romantic and devilish things to a woman that they do.

I wish I didn't miss my son so much.

I wish in my mind I could get out of this empty nest type of mentality

I wish I could eat a hot dog, with relish and mustard and onions or with slaw and chili. Man that sounds good.

I wish I had enough content for Jenny to make me a banner for my blog. Shoot I wish I knew Jenny well enough to ask her, LOL.

Blossom said...

Zebra pumps sound hot. I've decided to not buy myself cheap shoes anymore (heels, anyways). You really can feel the difference. You guys are going to have such fun in Chicago....I'm jealous. Do you need an invite to these things?

DB said...

I wish I was going with you :(

I wish could figure out how to post my Vlog so you can really meet me.

I wosh you knew that you are a great Mom - no matter what you think.

Food Addict said...

Love the new look!!!
I'm not a mom... but it seems to me all of the moms I know are too hard on themselves. And I've never known a mom that likes 'mommy' yelled all day long... and NO moms like noise!! hahaha!

Nella said...

I love the new I am craving skittles! I wish happiness for you!

LauraLynne said...

I wish my blog were as cute as yours!! And I wish I could pull off heels of any sort - I still feel a bit like the fat lady on stilts...and I wobble. eek!!
I am fortunate in the hubby department - he's got moments of romance in him, just the right amount - I can't imagine full time goosh. :)

Jess said... boo, I must say, I too am cursed in dreamland. It sucks. Our worry wart nature sucks too! I always dream that the hubby is having an affair or that he tells me that I never meant anything to him and he faked it all for convenience. And the last couple of months all I dream about is my granny. Not bad dreams really but just waking up realizing it wasn't real is the sucky part. I am not a fan of dreams! Why can't we dream of skittles??? Why???

Cindylew said...

I wish you would stop being so darn hard on yourself concerning your parenting skills. Somehow I just KNOW you are a fantastic mom and that your daughters are two lucky little girls. There's no way you could be such a great BFF to Jenny or such a great supportive friend to all of us you've never met before and NOT be a great mom.
Sorry snow cone...when you're wrong, you're wrong. And you know what Dale Carnegie said..."when you're wrong admit it quickly and emphatically."

Jenny said...

Love it! I know how you feel about the mommy thing, but I think we are better than we give ourselves credit for.

Lucas said...

Cute new look to the blog and hawt zebra heels! But I too think you are better than you give yourself credit for when it comes to your girls! You were brave to lay that all out there and I'm proud of you, but I think all mommies struggle with some version of this. Of course, you'll probably feel differently (better) once you are out of your 20's! :)

AmeyinIdaho said...

I'm so sorry you had that dream. My heart cries for you. You are such a fabulous person I can't imagine anyone not loving you down to the core!

Diz said...

I LOVE THE NEW LOOK!!!! Tell BFF Jenny that she rocks my socks. :) Can't wait to hear everything about BOOBS and Chi-town. XO!

Stephanie F. said...

I guess great men are hard to come by (pun intended)! Glad I snagged an awesome man!

They all seem to have a different idea of what "romance" is. To MANY guys, the talk of boning & hot rods are their way of romancing us into giving them what they want.

I'm so appreciative that my hubby is a "flowers just because" kind of guy.

:o) Stephanie F.

MrsFatass said...

I've often wished I didn't dream either. And you know I'm with you on the being a better mom thing. And I'm jealous that you have a bff AND that you're going to chicago. there. I said it.