Wednesday, September 15, 2010

*I Wish Wednesday*

Hello my popsicles. The shoe debacle is over…so I’m back in CareBear Land, farting gumdrops, pooping strawberry taffy and taking baths in rainbow Skittles. Shitaki – now I’m hungry. God, I miss sugar. Time for “I Wish Wednesday”….are you going to join me today?


• I wish (and desperately hope) – that my little shoe solution works. It seems I am not able to give up my “vision” of my shoes with my dress soooooo I have shoved cottonballs in the toes and put gel liners in the back and today I’m wearing them to work. I also purchased 4 other pairs of heels online yesterday in my panic so if the whole cottonball thing doesn’t work….let’s all pray to the shoe Gods that one of the pairs I ordered does. Seriously – is there a man on this Earth that has had to devote this much time to shoes…..unless he’s a cross dresser – I think not! I’m about ready to stick a penis to my leg because it seems once you have one of those – life is simpler. It’s like magic.

• OMG – I wish I could invent a magic penis. It’d have a little suction cup on it and women by the thousands would want them. Having a bad hair day? Get the magic penis and your hair problems will be over. Don’t know what to wear? Want to eat 5 pizzas and not gain weight? Want to not try to lose weight and watch it magically come off? Want to never have Aunt Flo visit? Get the magic penis. It attaches anywhere. Stick it to your leg, your arm, your foot. (Yah, yah, clearly I’ve lost it.  We established that about 50 posts ago.)

• I wish everyone had a Rambo like mine. When my shoe catastrophe happened, I called him. He never once told me I was being irrational – though he should have. He said, “Baby, order other pairs and if they don’t fit I’ll take you shopping until we find you some shoes. It’s going to be okay. You and your black hair are gonna look hot….even if you have to wear socks with your heels to make them fit.” I didn’t find that last part funny until much later in the day but I loved him for trying.

• This next wish is pure evil and selfish – and I can admit that. I wish that Rambo doesn’t get promoted. It means I sleep alone again and we see less of him and I’ve been there and done that and I’m over it. I don’t care about the money it would mean – and I even shock myself when I say that. He deserves this and wants this though he doesn’t want to be apart from us either….so in theory I am whipping up his documents and supporting and good lucking….but my heart isn’t in it.

• I wish you guys knew what I did Monday night. You might fall off your chairs. Wanna know? Do you?

Okay fine – here it is. Lest you think I can’t make a big deal out of everything on Earth – I’m gonna prove I can. I played volleyball!!!! Okay – first let me say I never played in high school – so I don’t know the rules and such. All other 5 members did. I left the house on a week night. I had fun. I was just as good as the others. I survived. I got home and Rambo said they needed me to sub….I said “nope – not going – don’t want to” and felt the familiar stomach churning. He said, “Go. I want you to go. You need to go. It’s good for you. Go.” After he said that 50 more times I went. I was so close to not going – I had good excuses lined up. My stomach was in knots. But I got in the van. I laughed, I played….I lived to make another memory. I’ve come a long way girls. Another first for me – in the record books.

• I wish my 4 year old Banana knew how cute she was. She has the personality of a fairy tale unicorn….always happy, never worries….she got that from Rambo. The other day I looked back at her singing in the car and I almost lost my breath at her perfect-ness. Once upon a time I was her – 4 – singing – with no other worries….and I looked just like her. It was like stepping back in time watching myself. And then she said, “Mama, when can we go see the neighbor’s bow-chica-wow-wow?” For a moment I was stumped – thinking what the hell is a bow-chica-wow-wow (besides the intro to a porno video?) Then it came to me….she meant the neighbor’s chihauhau. Nice. That’s my girl. Only my kid would mix up a dog’s name with porn music. Ima so proud.

What do you wish for today?

18 comments:

Lucas said...

I wish a greedy wish for a bazillion comments on my blogs....yes, I have more than one. I have THREE!!! Crazy, yes?

And I wish for another solid day logged on my challenge.

And this is more of a hope than a wish, but I hope you know how dang adorable you are. Who else in the entire world farts gumdrops and poops strawberry taffy? No one that I know of! You rock Draz!

Angela Pea said...

LOL!! Bow-chica-wow-wow! Now I'm seeing a chihuahua wearing pasties with tassels and a g-string in my head....

Gen said...

The Bow chica wow wow is too cute. I wish my 4 year old would stay exactly the way she is right now.

Praying to the Shoe Gods for us both...I need some Divine Intervention too!

Pamela E. Williams said...

Ok my mind is really dirty because the first thing I thought was that Banana was talking about a porn movie when she asked about seeing the neighbor's bow-chica-wow-wow!!! OMG!! She is so cute!!

I'm so proud of you going to play volleyball!! I bet you was spiking on that other team like no tomorrow. YOU GO DRAZ!!!!

Carmen said...

love. you.
must see picture of the black hair!

MandaPanda said...

My mind went straight to the gutter with that one! Nice work on the volleyball thing...very proud of you. You're coming out of your shell nicely.

Genie @ Diet of 51 said...

I'm going shoe shopping today! No matter how tempting the fashionable ones appear, I must find those that do not torture my feet. Must wear them to new job. Face distorted in pain due to feet in agony is not a good look for me.

Volleyball good! Fun sport; I'm glad you gave it--and the whole being social thing--a chance. I'm sure your teammates will be calling you to sub again soon.

That is so precious! Just the idea of Banana wanting to visit the neighbor's dog is enough cuteness. The rest is the cherry of ultra-cuteness on top.

Happy Wednesday! I hope you get your secret wish for Rambo......

Ice Queen said...

*Dragging my dirty mind out of the gutter, shaking off the slime before I touch my keyboard...*

Your four year old is too adorable for colour TV. <3

When I read Rambo's remark about wearing socks with your fabulous heels I had a bad flashback to ZZ Top's "Legs" video and the socks with heels trend that resulted. *shudders*

tessierose said...

You kill me! I'm sure you'll be fab even if you have to wear socks!

The Ninja said...

I wished alot today, but all of my wishes were very boring and uninteresting, I need sunshine and rum so I can wish for something cool, like strawberry taffy poo! Cause damn, who doesn't want that? DO you get your bath skittles wholesale cause buying them retail must cost a fortune!

Sherry said...

That is too freakin' cute about your daughter. Love that.

Maria said...

Love the bow-chica-wow-wow!

Just Me said...

LOL, I love it all...even the magic penis (I'll take one, please). My g-daughter calls dogs Wow-wows...close to your daughter...hmmm, shall I teach her the bow-chica part?

Sarah said...

Absolutely love the bow-chica-wow-wow comment... if we ever get a chihuahua, I think I'm naming it that!

Anonymous said...

I wish for the magic penis!

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

I wish....

to sleep for twelve hours.

Or until I wake up

All by myself.

Kristin said...

You are going to have enough shoes to distribute them to all of us as party favors. Which of course is why we love you.

MrsFatass said...

Dirty little dog.

And I wish that my kid would resume sleeping through the night.

And I wish the weekend would get here already.