Thursday, September 16, 2010

Yes or no. Stay or go. Do or don’t.

Hello Skittles. Just one week from today and I’ll be doing something I’ve never done before. Driving to my BFF, Jenny’s house, by myself. Lola, the GPS will be with me but seriously – this is a HUGE step for me. The most I’ve ever driven alone is about 20 minutes away. It’s a big, big deal and I’ll probably pee my pants before I get there AND then do the happy peepee dance when I get there. I’ve warned Jenny she may have to talk to me the entire time (she thinks I’m kidding – wait til she finds out I’m not)….but the thought of pulling up to her house, Jenny running out, hugging my BFF – and knowing I did it….is enough to make me know I can do it. Sounds like a long lost love story huh? Yup – that’s our shelationsip as Jenny calls it.

Oh oh and guess what? Remember the pedometer/walking challenge we had at work 8 weeks ago? My team won 2nd place so I got a $50 card to a sports store. Looks like I’ll be getting a new Nike outfit to wear home from Chicago!

I was thinking of you all yesterday – thinking of how hard this whole weight loss game is. Thinking about how really it’s an individual choice and not one that’s easy. Yesterday I felt like I was at a high school kegger – and the only one without a cup of beer in my hand. Let me explain. I had a meeting with about 15 people. We raise money for 3 months to adopt families at Christmas time. We give them presents and a full holiday meal and it’s a ton of hard work – so we had to have a planning meeting. We ordered in dinner. Chinese and another restaurant with anything you’d like on the menu. AND the company paid for it. So add that up – carb-laden, calorie-ridden, unhealthy food for FREE – and you get Drazil all over that like shit on a stick.

Well, not the new Draz. Early on I didn’t reply to the email asking what we wanted to order. I had chicken breast and lettuce in my fridge in my office – I had a plan. I made a choice. The plan was good. Why stray? Why regret? I even had someone walk back to me and say, “are you sure you aren’t ordering?” Nope.

I get to the meeting. Chinese and scrumptious pita pizzas, philly steak and cheese and fried potato chips hit my nostrils. Every single person in there was eating. Except me. I was the non-drinker at the keg party. A guy next to me said, “Aren’t you eating?” I sheepishly said, “No – I brought my own healthy meal today.” He said, “Wow, that’s great. I’m proud of you.”… he dug into his ooey-gooey pita pizza. I nearly stabbed him with his fork and stole it and ran.

Actually it wasn’t even that hard because hours ago I had made up my mind. The truth was I wasn’t hungry yet. I focused on the agenda – not the food. And I realized it can be done. I made a choice. I owed it to myself to stick to that choice. I actually never ate until 2 hours later – when I was hungry. When my body told me I should. I survived the kegger. A few times this week I’ve turned down free ice cream. I walked past powdered donuts. I’m committed to me. Sometimes life is simple. Yes or no. Stay or go. Do or don’t. Believe in yourself. Trust the process. Change forever. I am worth this. It is my individual choice and I intend to keep making it.

In less than a few weeks I have my annual appt and lest some of you think this is all vanity-inspired….rest assured – it is not. I have a thin mother and father – active and young. Both have cholesterol and blood pressure off the charts – even on meds. It is hereditary and my weight loss is about preventing this in me if possible. For me, weight loss has always been about this at the core. Bikini confidence is just a bonus.

Lastly, I went to another meeting last night. Rambo and I joined another school group. We host events for elementary students. We are going to do a Trunk and Treat for October. People pull their cars up, decorate their trunks and kids go to each trunk and get candy. How fun! So yes, if you are counting – that makes two nights this week I left the house after work….and lived to tell about it. I am never telling any of you this to brag….I’m documenting how far I’ve come so on nights when I feel disappointed in my progress I can go back and read about my successes. I will fight this social anxiety…I am convinced it is not who I am. I can’t give to anyone if I never leave the house. And giving makes me happy.

And let’s not forget I have a daughter who is showing my social tendencies and she watches everything I do and everywhere I go. At the age of 9, I’ve forced her out of her box more times than I can count….because she is scared. I don’t want that for her. I refuse to hand this down to her.

I will continue to step out of my self-imprisoned proverbial box. The box just doesn’t suit me – it’s brown and drab…and that ain’t my style.

What choices have you made lately – to improve your health, to give more, to step out of the box?


DB said...

DH bought me a GPS a few years ago for Christmas. I constantly tell him it is the best gift he ever got me. Like you - I drove myself NO WHERE. Now with Sally (my GPS), I am confident to go places & even met my BFF in Delaware (2hr drive) last year. Oh the freedom!!! You will do great!

Lucas said...

LOOKIT YOU!!! Wilpower Wilma! Way to go Draz. I swear to all that is holy that it is like frickin' HALLOWEEN in my office today, there is candy EVERYWHERE. But I shall NOT partake! Yes, you are worth it. So am I. And way to go on getting out of the house. I'm VERY proud of you!!! Patting you on the back big time! :)

amandakiska said...

We've done Trunk or Treat at my church for a couple years. It is fun! I decorated my trunk last year. I did a Teddy Bear Halloween Party theme.

Diz said...

I'm so proud of you Draz, more than you'll ever know. :) You're kicking trash left and RIGHT! You've inspired me to turn down more crap. The dinner thing is huge to me- you're right- it's EXACTLY like being at a kegger with no cup. I don't know why that's so hard for me, but it is. But seeing that someone else can do it inspires me that maybe I can do it too. :) I love you for it!

Have fun with the Bestie- I know you guys will have a blast! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


Cindylew said...

This road trip with you and Jen should freakin' be televised...just like Oprah's trip with Gail. I'd pay for a ticket.

Bonnie said...

Congrats on 2nd place and not stabbing that guy in the eye.