Thursday, October 21, 2010

Happy Birthday to me...courtesy of Mrs. Fatass...

Well it's here.  Today is my birthday.  And the big MF and I had an agreement...I fill her birthday suckhole and in return she'd fill mine.  Lemme just say - it was so worth the wait. 

Sooo here it is...Mrs. Fatass guest posting for me on my big day.  And let me just say MF is more than my very own Mother Effer...more than just my birthday suckhole filler...she's become my friend.  A real one.  The kind you don't sell even when you're offered a good price. 

Enjoy my friends....


The First Time

I don’t really remember when I started reading It’s Just Me, Drazil, and Sheniqua.

There’s been a lot of back and forth between Drazil and I, what with all of the hoohah shaving, and the phone calling, and the general mutual admiration society. But I don’t remember the first time I came here. You’re supposed to remember your first, but what can I say? I don’t.

I do, however, remember the time that she fell ker-splunk right into my heart. And it wasn’t when I realized I finally found someone who was trapped in the same mind I am. It wasn’t when she told us about the flood. Or her uncle. Or her strong aversion to oh so many bodily fluids.

Nope. The day I realized that this Drazil person was a kindred spirit? Was the first time I read about her friendship with Jenny. I sat and read that post with tears running down my face. Equal parts excited for her, and envious, I read it and somehow understood the magnitude of that whole story.

See, I had my own BFF story to tell, and after reading that post I tried over and over to write it. But I couldn’t make it come out the way I wanted it to. It just didn’t belong on my blog, because there it seemed venty and one sided and mean. But as soon as I was asked to write the Official Birthday Post for Drazil, I knew immediately that it was time to get the story out. And I’ll start it that day I read the Jenny post.

I had a best friend once, but we broke up. And it was a bad breakup. One of those where we both tried to be polite and forgiving, because underneath all the need for the split, there was still a lot of love there. But the plain truth is that it sucked. And it hurt. And it didn’t happen in a very nice way. It happened in a gross, public, nothing being held back, can’t take my eyes off of the trainwreck kind of way. That reverberates. That comes back over me in waves.

For a long long time, I pretended that I was okay with it all. In fact, my first words when the breakup happened were something to the effect of “It’s okay. I forgive you. I understand.”

Thing is, it wasn’t okay and I didn’t understand. And it cut me way down deep. Like, so deep it made me not want to make any new friends here. It made me not want to keep in touch with my old ones back home. It made me distrust just about everyone who I wasn’t related to. It made me distant. It made me feel bad about parts of me that I used to really like. It made me want to hide. I just wanted to let people go all together.

I checked out of lots of real life relationships for a while. Threw myself into writing. And reading. And escaping.

Then that day came that I read about Drazil and Jenny. The way they found each other and fell into a friendship. The story was sweet and hopeful and full of love. And? I cried. It’s so much easier to hold on to baggage and excuses than it is to let it go and just put yourself out there again. I was pretty comfortable with the baggage. Lonely. But comfortable.

I don’t know if she knows this or not, but Drazil helped me be okay with putting myself back out there because she told us about the way SHE put herself back out there. Drazil helped me rediscover some of the confidence that was lost the day my old BFF broke up with me. Yes, I’m a handful. Yes, I’m different. But even so, I didn’t deserve what I got that day.

Drazil helped me be able to say that out loud.

Those tears that I cried while reading about Jenny really helped me let go of the shame and embarrassment of my ‘breakup’, and remember that I am a good friend. A GOOD friend.

That post helped me heal.

So, my dear Drazil, my partner in crime, my whootenany sister, my dessert-loving, always remembering to lock the door hussy, often covered in hives colleague, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. This? Has been the start to a very beautiful, albeit phone-challenged friendship.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.


Love,

MF

39 comments:

Liz said...

Beautiful....so glad to see you two girls have such a lovely realtionship. Happy birthday Drazil!! I hope your day is a happy one and that things are ok.

Barbara said...

What a wonderful toast to Ms.Draz.. well done! And Draz Baby.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. make it special..

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

I love you both...that's almost all I have to say.

That and, you are BOTH amazing.

Tara said...

I had a BFF and we too had a bad bad bad falling out. I've tried reaching out to her to mend what once was the most important relationship to me but it has never been reciprocated.

I miss her.

Thanks MF for this post. Thanks Drazil for being an awesomegumdrop farter!

MizFit said...

happy happy HAPPY!!!!

Results Not Typical Girl said...

((big butt happy dance for girl power))

Gen said...

Love it! Happy Birthday!!!!

Laurie said...

Happy Birthday Drazil.
Happy friendship, FA!
FA I love your writing.
D I love your artistic flair, it shows all over the colors and fonts.

Gules said...

Reminds me of a past BFF who hurt me deeply, still trying to mend so many years later. I do believe I'm a good friend so thanks MF for that post. Drazil, you're strong, beautiful and brave. Happy Birthday :)

Amy W. said...

That was super sweet! Happy Birthday my funsized friend! Loves you!

~ Katie ~ said...

What a beautiful post! Happy Birthday Draz!

Angela said...

Happy Birthday!

Friends are great!

tessierose said...

Such a nice tribute to such a nice little gum drop! Happy Birthday Draz!!! Hope you are feeling much better!!

Blossom said...

Lovely guest post. Drazil, I hope you have a lovely birthday, filled with love and some smiles. I read your post yesterday and I understand, I've been feeling like that lately too. All we can do is keep going forward for the important people in our lives and remember things can only get better. I hope you get all that you deserve and more today. xo

Liz said...

Amazing! Happy Birthday, Draz!

Jen said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Ginger aka Gidget said...

Happy Birthday and what an amazing post! :)

Read said...

What a fantastic post from a wonderful woman to a wonderful woman. Circles of friendship are amazing. I hope your birthday, Draz, is full of love and happy!!

Dizzy Girl said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MOST BEAUTIFUL FRIEND!!!!

MF- they do have a unique and special friendship- don't they. It gives us all hope...it reminds me of my first friendships when I was little- friendships filled with hope and excitement and trust- not the friendships we make now- REAL friendships. I love it!

xoxoxo

D

-Grace- said...

Love you so much, Draz! So much!


Happy birthday, hun!

Ice Queen said...

What a lovely post.

Happy, happy Birthday, Draz. May your special day be filled with love, kisses, hugs, presents, friends, rainbow skittles and gumdrops. *muah!*

Nella said...

Happy Happy Day!

Katie J said...

Happy Birthday Sweetheart! May your day be filled with love and lots of skittles and gumdrops.

P.S. I love me some MF!

Lisa said...

Happy Birthday Draz!

Such a nice tribute from Mrs. Fatass on your special day.

Nikki said...

Happy Birfday!!! =)

DB said...

Happy Birthday my friend!

Betsy said...

"It’s so much easier to hold on to baggage and excuses than it is to let it go and just put yourself out there again." That was my truth for a long time too. Glad you found Drazil's story and friendship. Drazil, this is my first visit to your blog but I'll be back. Happy Birthday!

Mary H. said...

Happy Birthday, Drazil! I hope you have a great day! :)

Jess said...

Happy Birthday Draz!!!! Hope your day kick ass!

Amanda said...

That? Was awesome. And happy birthday, Draz... :D

amandakiska said...

Have a wonderful birthday!

SeattleRunnerGirl said...

Happy happy birthday! And MF, thanks for sharing your story. AMEN to putting yourself out there again, despite the risk of pain and hurt and general discomfort. It's SO worth it!

Sandy Lee said...

Have I come too late to the party? My baby boy turned 25 yesterday on Oct 20th. And now another Birthday. Be well. And we will be here waiting for your Fireworks! Hope you had an uplifting day. You are so deserving.

Juli's Journey said...

What a beautiful post. Happy Birthday, Drazil.

Cindylew said...

Happy Birthday sweetie pie.

Jen from Oregon said...

Happy Birthday wishes from Oregon!

Becky Johns said...

Love it.

Roxie said...

Happy Birthday Draz!

Merri said...

Oh no I always mean to read and comment on your blog dazil, but ive been very negligent..ill try and fix that in the future. Happy birthday!
And sue, yes, I know what you mean, ive had best friends too and ive broken up with them, which seems weird to use that phrase but I'm glad you did because I do, breaking up a friendship is just like breaking up any relationship. And after a run of bad best friends, who I could never talk to again, I really really had a super hard time trusting people again. I think I even wrote about it in my blog. Im still working on it, but ive at least got it down pat for my own best friend, if not maybe for all of my regular friends, and I definitely need work on that trusty part for romantic relationships but every bit counts! Reading your blog im sure you are a great person to have as a best friend!!