Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Get me off this porch.

Hello my tulips!

I realize that in the past I’ve given you cause to worry when I drop off the Earth…so though I wasn’t going to blog today…here I am…to allay your fears. And well, let’s face it. For me, a day without writing is like a day without breathing.

The truth is – I’m busy. Dare I say too busy?

Ack…I hate admitting that. I take a lot of pride in being a pretty accomplished ball juggler. Lately though – I find myself surviving instead of thriving…and drowning just a little. Still – it’s laughable really. I’m so busy – yet I *am* here blogging and just a minute ago I read Dr. Phil online.

My full time job is CHAOTIC. This year we have opened 4 new offices and now we’re on to a fifth and a sixth. Literally sometimes we hire one person a day. For those of us in Accounting, it’s a nightmare of paperwork. For those of us in Purchasing – oh wait – that’s just me – it’s a logistical nightmare to set up offices sometimes in days – from cords to computers to pens to chairs to toilet paper to electricity to plumbing. Top to bottom – it’s up to me to get everything needed to have a fully functioning office where there wasn’t…while I do the rest of my job too. We are literally out of space for bodies. Success has its price I guess.

It doesn’t help that my part time jobs are picking up speed since it’s year end. The PT jobs are for the community I live in and can I just say some people suck? I mean people who live here know damn well that beyond these jobs I work full time and have kids and such. They *know* this is part time, that I give 100%, that I can’t babysit them, etc. And yet, you’ll always have your troublemakers. This week I’m dealing with the big dogs…and it ain’t fun. You know the saying “If you can’t run with the big dogs…get off the porch.”

Well dudes – I never wanted on the porch. I’m not a fan of porches. Okay that’s a lie – but seriously – THIS porch? I want off.

I’m dealing with the PSC, FEMA and the DNR specifically and let me tell you – they don’t mess around. And they don’t take violations lightly. Funny thing is I’m not that upset. I mean I didn’t cause the violations though I’m charged with fixing them. Literally – I can only do what I can do. If you think you can do it better – have at it – there’s a vacated spot on the porch I left just for you.

These part time community jobs are quite an experience I tell you. Rambo works right alongside me on both – actually he holds positions over my head. Thank God. Without him – I wouldn’t do it. My social anxiety would never allow me to talk to this many people on the phone or in person or attend meetings on weeknights. Sounds ridiculous but no way would I be leaving the house if he wasn’t going first pulling me by the hand the whole way. If he’s going – I can find the courage. And did I mention that in both of these jobs – I am the ONLY woman? I do my work like I’ve got something to prove because I want these men to see my value…and so far they do. There is pressure though – self-induced maybe – but pressure just the same.

And on top of these three jobs – Rambo has been working tons of overtime. That means he gets up at 4am and doesn’t get home until 11pm that evening and then does it again. Why they let anyone guard criminals on that little of sleep is beyond me but he does it….and I keep the torches burning at home and listen to Banana and Watermelon tell me 60 times a day they miss their Daddy. I can’t quite figure out if it’s good or bad that we barely function without him…but it is what it is.

Overtime caused Rambo to miss trick or treating for the first time since our girls were born and he wasn’t happy about it. I want you to know that this girl – this woman typing this today – would not have taken my kids last year without him. I would have made an excuse and sulked and not even have flinched when the kids were sad about it. I just wouldn’t have been able to take them. I know my limits and that’s one of them. This year? I went – two days in a row – without Rambo. I went one day with my sister and once with my mom – but I went. Major victory for me.

So yah – I’m just busy….as everyone is. I’m not complaining…I think I’m just throwing it all out there. Not a lot has changed. Oh – other than I’m back on my plan and I pre-planned/pre-cooked my entire week’s meals and am journaling and back on the treadmill too.

I’m drowning a little – unable to breathe a little – and tired a lot.

But…my head is in a pretty good spot. So no worries about this Skittle. I still see glimpses of Care Bear Land now and again. I plan to take a bath in Skittles tonight with Rambo. Explosive Man just lost a limb in the bathroom and Martha Stewart next door is still matching her panties to her napkins.

If and when I find the energy to pull myself up out of the deep waters…I’m pretty sure I’ll fart a gumdrop. For now I’m peeing in the water and hoping no one notices cuz there isn’t even time for bathroom breaks.


amandakiska said...

I'm tired just reading this!

Good for you holding down the fort while Rambo is busy. Amazing really cuz it sounds like you are twice as busy!

Pamela E. Williams said...

Wow you ARE busy! Again you are inspiration because yet you are still holding the fam down. Being able to take the girls trick or treating is such a NSVs. You have risen above all the things you didn't think you could do and DID them! I'm so proud to know you and to be here to share this with you. Yes you are tired and feel like you are going to go under at any moment, but somehow I see you with your head above water and lets face it that's all you need to breathe....your head above water.

Scuttleboose said...

Wow ... you are quite a woman to be able to handle all of that (and the Crank). Just remember to breathe :)

Ms. M said...

You may feel a bit like you're drowning, but I see a woman who is becoming one heck of a swimmer. You are doing an amazing amount of stuff & trick or treating without Rambo is HUGE my dear. :)

Annie said...

Congratulations on taking the kiddies trick or treating without Rambo! That is the most important nugget of your post! Excellent!!!!! Proud of you!!!!!

MrsFatass said...

All of this, and you have time to hold my hand, too?

(You know what I heard in this post? Hopefullness)

Happy Skittle-bathing.

Jess said...

This stresses me out!

Nora said...

Tell us more about this accomplished ball juggling? haha. Yes. I went there. Mind went straight to the gutter!

Dizzy Girl said...

mmm...I wish I was taking a bath with MY rambo tonight. *JEALOUS*

Better to be too busy than to be bored, right?

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Draz your amazing! and ditto on the jelous of having a personal rambo

Miss S. said...

Your hubby sounds like a great man D. I am proud you are branching out & being the rock in his absence-it teaches your girls they can be strong & independent.

Amaris said...

So proud of you! I've been in the can't-leave-the-house space, and it ain't fun! So, I doubly appreciate that you were able to take the kids trick or treating. And, even though you feel like you are drowning a bit, it sounds as though you are handling things marvelously (swimmingly?). GOOD FOR YOU! You rock!

Ice Queen said...

You aren't just busy. You are run off your feet.

I hope that you and Rambo had a lovely bath. Try to take a moment to breathe, every now and then. <3

Jess said...


Gilly said...

What Jess said. <3 <3 <3

DB said...