Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I'm a hog.

Well wait...that's not right.  I'm not a hog.  Well then again...I am.  Did you guys know that I'm a HUGE quantity eater? 

I'm not kidding.  I can eat more than Rambo probably any day of the week.  An entire frozen pizza.  Done.  With soda.  And probably an ice cream sandwich to top it off. 

Give me an hour and I'd be ready to eat again.  It's ridick but true.  I've never understood my bottomless pit.  I don't know if I'm truly physically hungry or it's mental and I'm playing the "There was never enough because we were so poor so now I'm going to eat tons to make sure I never go hungry again" game. 

I have siblings with the same appetities so some part of me thinks it's a hereditary thing.  I have brothers who literally eat almost every hour and something like 3 to 4 Snickers bars a day.  Their calorie levels are in the thousands and if they do NOT sustain those calorie levels they lose weight.  We are a hungry bunch. 

Trouble is - they eat like that and maintain or lose.  I eat like that and I gain 3 lbs. a day.  Sickening.

So yes....I am a hog. 

AND guess what?  I OWN A HOG NOW TOO!

Yes, yes...there was a point to my hog-ness.

Tis true - after years of drooling and longing and envy and sneaking into people's garages to sit on their Harleys in the dark (I'm kidding)....we have our very own Harley and it's a full blown hog.  It's got a back seat like a recliner with speakers right by both my butt cheeks.

I mean really?  Is there anything better than your favorite music blaring into your ass with the wind blowing in your hair and your arms wrapped around your biker man?

Well there is.  It's wearing assless chaps with your favorite music blaring into your ass with the wind blowing in your hair and your arms wrapped around your biker man.

Assless leather chaps make the world go around.

Cross this goal off the list folks.  We own a Harley. 

You wanna know what Rambo said to me 5 minutes after it was in our garage?

"Baby doll.....wanna have sex on the hog?"

Romantic biker man isn't he?


MrsFatass said...

Oh my lawd, girl, how are you even able to let that man leave the house. Sex on a Harley? YOU are my hero.

Jacquie said...

I am so JEALOUS! I keep begging steve to buy a comfortable Harley for me....he can ride whatever he wants when I am not with him! You know what my romantic guy tells me? Sell more houses and buy us what you want!

So, what was your answer to Rambo's question? Inquiring minds want to know!

Have a Happy Turkey Day you Hog woman! (I will have to send Rambo a shirt that says "If you can read this, the Bitch fell off!" Nice, right? Love you girl!

Justawallflower said...

hahaha! that is AWESOME! We just recently bought a new bike, and it was a toss up between a hog and a gold wing. Know who won out? neither! we went with a Victory Vision! But don't worry your pretty little head, I too have music baring into my butt! My nice toasty butt, when the heat is turned on! YAY!!!!!

tessierose said...

Awesome, do post pics in the assless chaps! Happy Turkey day Hog!

Ice Queen said...

I've always wanted to know how it feels to have music blaring into my ass. :P

*is afraid of motorcycles*

Don't feel bad, I am a volume eater, too. I just can't subsist on bird-like portions and rabbit food. In the words of the immortal and oh-so-fabulous Mammy, I "Eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog". And I plan my food to get maximum volume for minimum calories. Hogettes, unite! :D

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Congrats on the new bike, Drazil. My brother used to have one and I loved to ride with him. I would love to have a 3 wheeler. I'm not good at balancing on a heavy bike.

LDswims said...

That's awesome! Congrats on the new bike! Enjoy it and stay safe!!

I miss my bike. I am more the sport bike person than the hog or cruiser person. But I wound up not riding my bike (a Suzuki SV-650S) for six months when I went on my world cruise back in the day and when I returned, was too scared to ride. I miss it, though. I sold it (and made money on it!) but I still wish I had it, at times. It was a me...and SOOOO MUCH FUN TO RIDE!

And when people saw my (then) long hair hanging out of my helmet and realized the rider was a girl, I used to get honks and hoots all the time. Still brings a smile to my face....


But you guys already had a bike, right? Just an upgrade here? A dream come true??

No matter what, that's awesome!!!

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

Congrats to YOU!!! I'm so thrilled for YOU!

Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Dizzy Girl said...

OMG!!! Did I ever tell you I used to work in a biker bar? For years...I was a cocktail waitress. I am a hog lover to the death. I just might jump in on you and Rambo's little sex fantasy on the Hog and make it a trio type thing. :) J/K!

Congrats on the bike love- I'm super jealous and happy for you all at the same time.

Pamela E. Williams said...

Oh my I can't even imagine getting a Harley!!

Happy Thanksgiving to you, Rambo, Banana and Watermelon!!!!

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Thats so awesome! Enjoy it Draz!

Brooke said...

Love it! I hope there's some toght jean action happening over there to go along with your harley!

Am a volume eater, too. The band is so weird in that it stops me from volumizing but I still THINK like a volume eater.

Sandy Lee said...

That is so cool. Hope you get riding before the snow hits. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Don't eat too much :-)