Thursday, November 25, 2010

What's on the menu? Dread or excitement?

Here in CareBear's a little of both.

Greetings my lovely is Rambo's birthday AND Thanksgiving AND my parent's anniversary.  Isn't that cool?  The day Rambo was being born into this world, my parents were getting married and saying their vows.  The exact same day and year.  What a coinky-dink huh?  I love's a cool story to tell.

And Thanksgiving.  Meh.  I can take it or leave it.  I have two Thanksgivings and one Christmas to go to over the next three days.  There will be enough food to feed two nations.  And remember me? The hog who can eat massive quantities?  Well not this time.  Really it shouldn't be a problem.  I'm such a picky eater that I usually only eat turkey, potatoes and a bun.  I don't like pies or cranberry thingys or salads or deviled eggs or any of that. 

But let it be known - it is possible to overstuff yourself with just turkey, potatoes and buns.  Again, not for me.  Not this year.  I'm determined to end the year stronger than ever.

It's a big day here for yours truly the anxiety ridden mama.  Rambo is at work.  Which means today I go to the in-laws Thanksgiving without him.  I've been in this family for 20 years but still - it will be hard to go without him.  Normally I'd wait until he got home but this year I'm forcing myself to go early - without him - for my girls.  I'll be a ball of nerves and a mess inside but once I get there I'll be okay.  I think. 

Pretty monumental huh?  Lunch with the mother-in-law and his whole family without the husband.  Probably a first.  But it's good.  (never mind that typing that just made me want to throw up and hives are appearing all of a sudden)

For many, holidays like this are amazing.  Something you look forward to all year.  For me, that's still true BUT they are hard and if I'm not careful I can even let myself dread them.  Yes, though I hate that it's true - my social fears make it hard for me to even leave the house for people I've known all my life.  My fears aren't about being scared of just strangers...I fear every social situation.  I get nervous.  Scared.  Obsess over how I look and what to wear.  I sweat.  My stomach hurts.  I start to devise excuses to stay home.  I look for ways to get out of it. 

It's pretty sad that I'd rather pretend to be sick or something rather than eat scrumptious food with people I love.  But it's the truth.  It's so painful to go out sometimes that I contemplate staying home more than I'd like to admit.  And usually Rambo is here to hold my hand on the way out...except for today.  But I'll go anyway.  I've come too far not to.  Once I get'll be fine.  I know this.  I depend on this.

So yah..this Thanksgiving I'm not really about the holiday or the food.  To me - the best thing about these 4 days is that I don't have to work and after today Rambo is off too.  I miss him on a deep level.  We've been so busy with our jobs and life and his overtime that we've only connected through emails and a few hours here and there.  I need more than that.  And this weekend I'll get it.

If I'm lucky I'll only work about an hour in 4 days for any of my jobs.  I'll put up a tree at my mom's house.  I'll go to a comedy show with friends one night.  I'll dress up for a Christmas and see people I haven't seen in a year one night.  I may even go out to the bars one night.  I'll have hives the whole damn time but I'll do it and I'll be glad I did.

And every moment, right beside me will be Rambo (after he's done working today).  The Harley-owning birthday boy and me. And Watermelon and Banana.

Though I'm aware this entire post makes you want to barf....for's what I need.  To me...that's what this Thanksgiving is about. 

My hope for you is that you get exactly what you need this holiday too.  Oh and some turkey, potatoes and buns would be good too.

Me?  Well, I'm going to be busy choosing excitement and happy anticipation the whole weekend - rather than dread and stomach ulcers.

Cuz can't eat turkey if you have stomach ulcers.


Read said...

Good luck to you. I hope your hives are short lived (I get them too in exactly the same types of situations). I'm so proud of you for going early before he gets home - you go, you strong and powerful sex-christened-hog owning woman! I hope every bit of your weekend is love and family and Rambo filled (oops - I didn't really mean that pun - but that too) :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Justawallflower said...

Girl, I so feel ya! I have had mixed emotions over the last several days. Even some tears. We have done just the three of us the last couple years for thanksgiving. And it has been wonderful! But I got a little sad reading everyone's blogs about family coming in, or going to them, and the excitement and dread that goes along with it. I miss doing that, but I would rather be at home. My anxiety gets worse every year, and being in a cooped up home with dozens of people, even if they are family, is more than I can handle. One on one I'm fine, but the groups? no thanks. I have faked my share of illness myself, so again, I know what you are going through! I know you will get through it, and I know you will have a good time.

Nella said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ice Queen said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Drazmatazz!

I'm sorry that your love must work, today and that you have to brave a family outing without him. But, girl, you are so strong and I am proud of you for not hiding. Just press a cool washcloth to the hives, powder your pretty nose and sail forth. Your friends are with you, surrounding you in spirit.

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Drazil I cannot believe you are going with out Rambo! Go girl! Your daughters have such an amazingly strong Mom!

Raegun said...

Wow - a triple threat holiday! Sounds like you have the right attitude. Enjoy!

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

I hope everything went well today and that your Thanksgiving was all you wanted it to be! I'm so proud of YOUR strength! Now that Rambo is home, ENJOY the rest of your weekend!!

Dizzy Girl said...

I know you rocked this day- and I can't wait to hear all about it. ILYGTD!!!

Joia said...

I'm so proud of you - I love following your blog and hearing about the grand steps you're taking. Although I'm a complete extrovert, and always have been, it's so neat to read about your experiences as someone who doesn't have the luxury of being shameless and out there. I admire you!

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

Brave, brave woman. I've got hives for you the day after. And butterflies.

Good grief.

Cindylew said...

Happy Thanksgiving.
Proud of you as always.

MrsFatass said...

Um, I couldn't focus on anything that came after you telling us you went to your inlaws without your husband. I still feel like I must pass out. No way. Nuh uh. Never. Gonna. Happen.

You must have balls of steel underneath all those hives.