Friday, December 10, 2010

Back to BYOC....sort of....

It’s Friday. I’m telling you this because yes, I’m sure you didn’t know. It’s been a helluva week. Detoxing, de-caffeinateing, hand picture-taking, self-loving, a little family drama, tattoo-care-taking, and shitloads of snow here. I need a bath of Skittles STAT. I have also decided that I’d like said Skittles to be infused with doses of pure serotonin that automatically come out when put in my bathtub. Screw anti-depressants and carbs – I want to get my serotonin from bathing in it.

Oh and I’d like it to smell like vanilla too. Smelling like Skittles is not a good thing. Children always want to lick my legs and follow me around in the stores.

I’m going to sort of do a BYOC today. Cuz I miss them and I miss seeing your answers. I say sort of because a few of my questions aren’t about you or anyone like past BYOCs have been…but I need answers and this is my way of sneaking around to get them. So if you’re new here and you’ve never done BYOC…it stands for Bring Your Own Crazy and it’s 5 little questions you can paste to your blog and answer if you like. To give your brain a blog break, to get to know each other better and well, just because.

1. It is negative degrees here. Today I drove 35 all the way to work because I followed a snowplow who was also salting the roads. It’s too cold to even go sledding or ice skating. The weather is downright nasty. It’s freaking Winter alright? Why then – may I ask – when driving home last night did I see not one, but two MEN – driving big “I’m a man with a small penis so I drive this HUGE truck with deer antlers on the front and playboy mud flaps and mufflers coming out of the box” trucks with their windows OPEN? Why do men do that?

They are bundled up like Eskimoes, I can see their snot forming icicles and I can see their breath inside their truck. Shut the damn window and you’d be warmer. Is the window broke? Does the car not move if the windows are up? Someone tell me why? It can’t seriously be just because they have a penis. Though I’m starting to wonder – I have never seen a woman drive around in negative 10 degree weather with her window down. Have you?

2. Is Richard Simmons gay? Is he straight?  Has he ever come out? Does he have a lover? No, I have no idea why I thought of this but it crossed my mind and now I want to know. I love that little man. I want to get my fingers tangled in that hornet’s nest of hair he has. I think I’d feel better about life if I knew Richard wasn’t alone. But then again – who on Earth could tolerate that voice every day of their lives? So tell me – does anyone know Richard’s situation? I must know. I could google it but thought this would be more fun.

3. What’s your favorite Cmas song?

• Is it wrong that mine is either the one by Alvin and The Chipmunks or the 12 days of Cmas by the Muppets or the one called “Have an Ozzy Cmas” where one line says, “let the F word fly”. No seriously – I love them ALL. Especially any that Bon Jovi sings. (I’m a child of the 80s – back off!) There’s a station here that plays Cmas music all day every day until Cmas day and it’s blaring in my office all day every day. People just walk by and shake their heads and secretly want to be me. I just know it.

4. What is your most favorite and your least favorite Cmas movie?

• Again with me and my immaturity – um – I like The Grinch – the cartoon one. When his heart grows so big it’s about to explode out of his chest…classic. And the new ones like Shrek the Halls and Happy Madagascar. Apparently I’m a 10 year old trapped in a 36 year old’s body.

Least? Rudoph. I know, I know…it’s a classic and how can I hate it? I just do. Hate me if you must but I can’t help it. OMG and that Ralphy movie. The one with the gun and the lamp with the leg. My mother-in-law loves it – which could be why I hate it. I’m just sayin.

5. To all my corporate buddies out there….I have an important question. My brother is interviewing for jobs in the corporate world. He has an impeccable resume and good, long, stable job history with many impressive accomplishments. However – no bites after he interviews. He’s convinced they are checking his credit record – which is not great. Now I’ve heard places do that…but really how common is it? I mean I work in a place where our work is completely for the government and classified and export-controlled and deals with citizenship and such and we do NOT check credit scores. How prevalent is this – especially when the jobs he’s applying for are not even in the financial industry?

Thanks all – I swear – next week back to normal all about you guys BYOC!


Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

I think Richard Simmons is asexual (at least I hope he is...).

Weight loss is NO FAIRY TALE said...

ROTFLMAO!!!! I totally agree with the whole Ralphy comment. I can't stand that movie!

Jen said...


(jk - i still love you!)

Richard Simmons?? Great question!
Men? Who the hell knows? They are strange.

Liz said...

I work for a Fortune 40 company, and while they do an extensive background check, and I do believe check credit scores, they still hired me and mine's in the shitter :)

cody said...

They aren't checking his credit. If they did, he'd know. They have to have authorization from him to check his credit score. He has to fill out a form. Usually offers are contingent upon a credit check.

He might just not interview well. How is his appearance? Is he dressed professionally? Does he do well with the behavioral questions?

I love "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas!" Is that a guy or girl that sings that???

Angela Pea said...

1. Men - there is no answer, none at all, other than they have way too much testosterone coursing through their bodies and it somehow effects brain function.

2. Hmmmm. I love Richard, think he's adorable and admire his enthusiasm and committement. I hope he has someone in his life, too.

3. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

4. Christmas Vacation is the favorite, because it's just too snarkily hilarious. I'm with you on Rudolph! That movie is just creepy, a little bit off center, and what is WITH the misfit toys? Eeeew!

5. Yeah. We do credit checks, because a lot of our work is funded with government grants. Some sort of rule.

tessierose said...

Good one, I'm going to do, I never thought I'd say it....but I missed BYOC!

amandakiska said...

I went ahead and googled if Richard Simmons was gay or just really, really enthusiastic and it appears he has denied being gay many times. So who knows?

I love Ralphie and A Christmas Story. I also love It's a Wonderful Life.

I love Christmas music too and have been playing it in my office since before Thanksgiving.

rskmom said...

I agree with OP, is your brother prepped for an interview? He can practice with someone for the more common questions.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

These are hilarious, Drazil. I spread it over to my blog and you can see my answers there. Thanks for providing something to make this boring day a little more amusing. :)

Sandy Lee said...

I hate the Ralphy movie. Only saw about 3/4 of it when I decided it was so very very stupid. My sis and her kids love it. Give me Chevy in Christmas Vacation and I'm happy. Will post some more on my blog this weekend. Off to a Christmas party now.

Dizzy Girl said...

I'll BYOC right now!

Lonicera said...

Picking up on Cody's remark - I was born in 1953 when "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas" was released, and my parents played it to us at Christmas till I was about 10! It was sung by a Gayla Peevey who was 10 years old when it was recorded. The flip side was "Are my ears on straight?", which I liked even better because it was about a doll, and I loved dolls. Thanks for reminding me.

Band-Babe said...

So, now that I have zero restriction, I may be joining you in your detox plan. Or I at least need to have some sort of action plan. Work/candy hell... someone thought it was a fab idea to put up stockings for each of us, and then everyone is supposed to get candy enough to put a piece in everyone elses stocking- that's 30 pieces of candy (and I'm assuming they will be small, but I'm sure there will be some do-gooder holiday cheer b-hole who will do full size or worse). Anyway, the person who thought of this delightful plan is a size 2... who of course keeps a full bowl of candy on her desk at all times... WTH? So my action plan so far- get rid of it the second it hits the stocking. I'm not sure who I'm going to give it to- but I never know when my awesome willpower will fail, so I've got to be proactive and on the offensive in my approach. Sigh. Meryy (f-ing) Christmas. ;)

Lisa said...

Draz, I've been in human resources for 20 years and none of the companies for which I've worked looks at an applicant's credit score. Also, Cody is right. They would need his signed authorization to check his score. Privacy and all that.

WRT Richard Simmons? Damn you for making me google it! According to Wikipedia:

"Aside from his three Dalmatians and two maids, Simmons lives alone in the Hollywood Hills. Although there has been frequent speculation about his sexual orientation Simmons has never publicly discussed his sexuality."

Makes me kind of sad for him. Where is that seratonin bath when I need it?!

Sarah said...

Draz - I work in HR... it is pretty common for a lot of jobs to check that, but people have to sign a release AND provide their SSN's first... Happy to give you more info if you want to email me!!!

MizFit said...

FLIPSIDE of the weekend.

how you feelin' now?!

Rachel said...

Skittles have real fruit juice...don't minimize their importance in the food chain. One of the MD's I worked with said it should definitley be aded to the fruit food group!!! You are always funny and fun.