Monday, December 27, 2010

Who doesn't love a top ten list?

Top Ten Reasons why I love this day:

1. Today is not Christmas.

2. Today is not Christmas Eve.

3. Today has nothing to do with Cmas and everything to do with a normal mundane Monday.

4. I’m no longer naked from the waist down after realizing I have approximately 60 other pairs of non-lost pants to choose from.

5. My hooker boots may come today.

6. Explosive Man has the day off which means I can pee at work today with no fear – sort of.

7. My diet is back on track due to the fact that I haven’t seen a single sugar cookie today.

8. I’m going to work out today.

9. Normal shows will be on TV today because – um – the holidays are over. Have I mentioned that fact already?

10. The tree is still absent from my living room….I won’t see it for another 11 months.

Top Ten Reasons why I love this day a little less:

1. Both kids are suffering from the after-holidays meltdown syndrome. Too much excitement, too many presents, too many late nights and way too much candy….so therefore before either of them even put their feet on the floor this morning there were tears and mucho whining. (Meanwhile I was on my knees thanking God I got to go to work.)

2. I had to carry the mother-in-law’s non-wanted 28 lb mixer into work this morning by myself so I could return it. Good thing it’s not glass because I whipped it on the receptionist’s desk and told her to shove it up the UPS guy’s @ss. She’s scared of me now.

3. Explosive Man #2 is IN the office today to make up for Explosive Man #1’s absence. Jesus frick.

4. The first words out of everyone’s mouths are: “How was your holiday?” When I whip coal at their eyes, tell them about the effing mixer and lost pants…they run from my office screaming.

5. My kids aren’t in school. They have the week off. I’m pretty sure that means I have to cook real meals most of the week.

6. My hooker boots may come today (see #5 above) – which means I have to find the balls to wear them. *gulp*

7. Rambo just emailed me and is working another 16 hour shift. It’s a Monday….seriously people…what’s so important on a Monday that you have to call in sick for? Nothing happens on Mondays.

8. I ran in 2 feet of snow for about 15 minutes yesterday and today my legs are sore because I’m such a wussyhead….or because I’m so out of shape. Take your pick. Could be both.

9. I gained so much weight over the holidays that I’m sure I could qualify for a second tummy tuck…or ass tuck or or leg tuck or entire body tuck. Sick I tell you. Sick.

10. There is still one piece of garland and the crib with baby Jesus in it left up at the house. Ah well…I can tolerate that….it doesn’t light up or twinkle or have sprinkles on it.

How’s that for Positive Patty? TWO lists with the words “why I love this day” in them.

I bet tomorrow will be even better!


Ice Queen said...

I am seriously tempted to start dismantling Christmas, right now. I need to wait until Wednesday. *fingers itching* This is so weird for me. I am usually the one who wants stuff to stay up longer, not rip it all down NAO!!!!

I don't miss Kiddo Christmas Hangover. Ugh! I feel for you.

~ L a y l a ~ said...

I love top ten lists ... especially funny ones. I've now added you to my blogs to read list. Come visit me sometime. I'm at the very beginning of a journey into uncharted territory.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I'm waiting around and hoping the tree and the decorations will take themselves down and put themselves away. The kids still haven't moved the rest of the their things and the mess gets more annoying everyday. I'm hiding in my room, pretending that I have a spotlessly clean house outside my bedroom door. Please don't shatter my illusions.

Liz said...

I love you, Draz.

tessierose said...

So, how was your holiday? ha ha! Funny post!!

Dizzy Girl said...

Glad to hear you're back on track and you survived!!!! I'm trying to get back on trck today...SO hard! I hate it! I keep looking for 'snacks'...and so far that has included carbs left and right. Any kind of bread I can get my hands on, etc. You know the drill. Anyway- seeing you on track gives me hope I can get back on soon too.

Hope the boots come today! XO-


Sandy Lee said...

I'm sitting with my tree all lit up. Love the lights, but it will have to go probably on Tuesday. I am so sorry you have to work. I'm off Monday and Tuesday to compensate for Christmas and Boxing Day happening on a weekend. But I am the one stuck covering the rest of the week. Which will be nice since 90% of the rest of the office is off this entire week.

Since Xmas is over it is now time to wish everyone a Happy New Year. 2011 will be a great year, I can feel it. For all of us.

And PS. This is the first day in the last week that I haven't had a drink. Too much family, too much friends, too much jerky people and too much Bailey's. Which is how I deal with the holidays. Be Well little girl and I hope Rambo gets off a bit early tonight.

Dazee Dreamer said...

Those were great. You made my day. Explosive man. I hear ya. I don't have to listen to explosive men, but omg, what is it that men digest that smells so much worse than womens poop. hey, just sayin.

Katherine said...

Christmas is done yahoo I am kinda excited I have to say.. Every bit of Christmas left my house exsactly 36 hours post Christmas day.. Time to move on! Thank you for sharing the last few post... hang in there xx

AmandaJane said...

i'm loving your blog drazil! a nice comic relief when i need to escape from the hell that is my office...:) amanda