Thursday, January 13, 2011

Um....I have no idea what to title this.

A little email I got today:

Dear God,
All I ask for in 2011 is a big, fat bank account and a slim body.
Please don’t mix these up like you did last year.
Ain’t that the truth?  I thought you guys would enjoy that.

Ah yes – TUT (Triple U Thursday) is here. And yet – no picture of a body part of mine today. Stop freaking out – I have legitimate and not so legitimate excuses reasons.

First off – I do know which body part I’m featuring next….I just can’t take a picture of it by myself and Rambo had to unexpectedly work a 16 hour shift at the prison so he wasn’t home to take the pic. Legit right?

Not so legit? Well…simply put. This is hard. When I promised Jenny I’d learn to love every part of me – part by part – I thought it would be easy. It’s not. I’m finding out there are quite a few parts of me I don’t like and don’t want to see in a picture. Add the fact that I gained weight over the holidays – and whammo! NOT in the mood to love myself.

But no worries – I will keep on it. The point is to love my body – ALL of it – at any size at every moment. And I will do that. Just not today.

I would also like to mention that I ran across Buttwad #2 yesterday and the convo went a little like this. Well wait – little back story. This convo took place with a woman who got the sleeve thingy on her stomach. She’s lost tons of weight since then. Let it be known I supported this woman daily with emails and such before she got her sleeve and after re: her weight loss and such. I have ALWAYS been in her corner.

She came into my office yesterday, looked at me and said this:

Her: You look different today. I saw you yesterday and thought the same thing. Something is different about you.
Me: Ha! Maybe I’m chubbier.
Her: Really?
Me: Yah – I gained the usual 5-10 pounds over the holidays.
Her: Yah, maybe that’s what it is.

Um a-hole – you didn’t have to agree. You could have easily said, “Oh no – that’s not it….you look as freaking thin as ever!” Ever heard of a little thing called tact?? Wow.

And lastly there’s just something I have to say about people who un-validate and un-importanize (totally made that word up) and minimize a woman who has 20 pounds or less to lose. I don’t appreciate it. I don’t like it and it makes me angry.

A girl here was complaining about how she needs to lose about 30 pounds and I, in agreement and camaraderie, said, “Oy – I know what you mean. I’ve got about 15 to go until I hit my goal.”

Immediately – I get the eye roll. The “psssh – 15 pounds – that’s nothing – you’re fine the way you are.”

I wanted to yell SCREW YOU. Really? I could say the same to her. She looks great – seriously – fashionista great. She’s probably a size 14 and knows how to dress and looks wonderful. I could have said the same to her. Stay the way you are – leave it alone – you’re crazy.

Sure – I may be down to 15 lbs left but don’t forget the 55 I lost before that. If you ran a marathon that was 70 miles long – would you stop at mile 55 and say, “Meh, that’s good enough.”? If you needed 70 therapy appointments to be fully healed from something – would you stop at appointment #55 and call it done? If you needed $70 to buy something you’ve always dreamed of…would you earn $55 and say the hell with it and give up the dream?

Yes, I admit I look okay. I could stop. But are you aware if I do, I’ll be put on cholesterol meds and high BP meds? Are you aware I get more migraines the heavier I am? Are you aware that I have heavy cancer risks on BOTH sides of my hereditary health history? Are you aware I have a goal – and I set it for a reason? Are you aware that these last 15 mean as much to me as the prior 55? Are you aware these 15 will take all I’ve got and be harder to lose than any before them? Are you aware my self-confidence falters and I feel less sexy with these extra 15 on me? Are you aware it’s not vanity pushing me through?

Please understand weight is weight. Whether 5lbs or 50lbs or 500lbs…it all hurts and feels the same and is hard to get off. When you minimize my last 15 pounds – somehow you minimize me and I’ve been working my ass off to stand out – not stand down or stand behind or stand under.

Put away your jealousy for one second because you’re angry that I’m closer to goal than you. If you knew the work I put in to get this close – you wouldn’t be jealous. Maybe you’d be impressed instead. Maybe you’d encourage me to keep going. Maybe you’d realize I have always been a strong advocate in your corner…

Would repaying that kindess really be too much to ask? If it is….at least stop rolling your eyes at me. That’d be a start.

Rant over.

BYOC tomorrow my little chicken nuggets!


Cindy said...

had to copy that email post over to my facebook... classic!

J said...

Love the email.
Can't believe that woman said that to you. People like that make me furious. Get you a good line ready for when she returns!

I love what you said about the last 15! Amen!


Karen Butler Ogle said...

Fat people getting skinny does not change their personalities. If they are mean and tactless fat, they will be mean and tactless thin. The whole "fat and jolly" thing is a completely myth. Plus, one other thing, Draz. Maybe the whole learning to love yourself thing is hard because your are focusing on loving different parts of your appearance. None of us love everything or even anything about our appearance. There is MUCH more to you than your appearance and THOSE things should define you and give you value instead of having great hair or hands etc. Do you know what I mean? Not that I'm saying that learning to love your body is wrong. I think its great, but that isn't where the important stuff is to be found. Hugs and kisses. Sunshine

Dizzy Girl said...

Girl, you know I've had this complaint many...MANY a time. To the point where I've thought about shutting down my blog. While I was home- I had 2 friends look at me after not seeing me for years and say- "Wow. Skinny." As if that is some sort of compliment. Do I say, "Wow. Fatty." to you? NO! So don't act like because you used the word "skinny", suddenly it's a compliment! I saw you look me up and down! I see the disgust in your eye...that really should be pointed inward because it is YOU (not you but them) that gained 100, not me. I've worked my ass off for this.

I went home and complained to my mother who totally agreed- she too has lost large amounts of weight and said not only would people make these kind of comments, they would try to sabotage her too and get her to just come out to eat with them and not respect her new lifestyle. I haven't had that happen yet, or else I've succumbed to it- not sure. But there DEFINITELY is a prejudice when you start getting close to goal, I know it myself.

LOVE YOU! Hope your day is fabulous.

Shannon said...

how rude! some people just dont have a filter.
Don't let people get to you about your last 15lbs. your doing this for you and no one else. next time you should tell her to roll her eyes at herself for being incensitive. you are a wonderful strong women. I can't wait to see you shed those 15lbs in style :)

~ Darla ~ said...

My hubby (thin) was trying to convince me that 20 lbs is a lot easier to lose than 100 lbs. Hmmm, I said, maybe it takes longer but both are equally difficult. When I used to work at WW other members used to roll their eyes at people who "only" had 20 lbs to lose. I was the leader of the class and I would say, "I wish I was smart enough to come in when I only had 20 lbs to lose." Not good to negate anyone's struggles or accomplishments. You always make me think, Draz.

Ms. M said...

You are totally right, weight is weight. It doesn't matter if its five pounds or 50. People need to be supported in their efforts, not minimized because in someone else's eyes they are "fine the way they are." Some people just don't get it. I'd like to scratch their rolling eyes out of their heads at times, lol.

Jess said...

Yup! I absolutely dispise when people tell me how they don't understand why I got the band in the first place. How I wasn't fat to begin with. I'm like...are you aware that I weighed 206lbs when I started and the because of my weight I have PCOS and am unable to get pregnant because of that? pounds are pounds whether it's 5 or 500!

Ice Queen said...

Well said, Drazilla. You get 'em!

I agree, weight is weight and it impacts us all on a deep emotional level. No one deserves to be marginalized because they are closer to goal. One person doesn't know that full story behind another person's reasons for what they do.

Jacquie said...

I so agree with you. I had a friend who was thin, maybe a size 6 or 8 and complained that she gained 8-10 lbs. I said "really? Thats not a lot, don't worry about it". She explained that it is a lot. 10 lbs at her size makes a difference in her jeans and she couldn't afford to buy new ones. She also pointed out that % wise, her 10 lbs at her weight is the same as someone who weighs more and has more to lose. Made sense and I learned a lesson that day.

Being overweight means different things to different people and I never minimized someones efforts again!

Sandy Lee said...

We are trying to lose the exact same 15 pounds. Well maybe they are different but same number. I wonder if I should just give up and accept the higher weight but like you, I want to avoid any more pills. We'll get there, one pound at a time!

tessierose said...

I'm guilty! I always say that to my thin friends, like 10 pounds, go poop! Sorry, I'll go better from now on!

Joey said...

people have no people skills even though they are people themselves. whatever.

amandakiska said...

I'm about 13 lbs. from goal. I've lost more than 100 so far. I'd be okay staying where I am, but I'd also like to see the goal too.

I know you'll get there!

And that sleeve lady should know better. Next time you should say something like you look different because you stuffed your bra.