Sunday, January 2, 2011

Who needs a calendar anyway?

Well holy shit on a brick and call me a fairy.  You could live under a rock and have no calendar or watch or phone or any way of knowing what day of the year it is - yet if you watched TV for about an hour...you'd know it's January. 

Why?  Because every other commerical is Jenny Cr*ig, Nutr*system or some idiot from Jers*y Shore saying the reason he is built like the Incredible Hulk is due to some fat destroying pill.  Good God - today I even saw Suzanne S*mers talking about getting thin after 40...there has got to be about 5 lbs in her lips alone! 

What plastice surgeon did that to her anyway?  I just don't think you can make commercials for losing weight the "right way" when it's damn obvious your plastic surgeon is the #1 contact in your rolodex.

That's like me going on TV saying "You too can have flat abs like me if you never ate sugar again."  Um - or have a freaking tummy tuck and eat sugar like it's water....cuz that's what I really did.

Folks - I'm breaking my no weekend blog rule to say one thing.  I lost my damn mojo.  It ran off with the sweatpants that are GONE forever.  Yup, that's right...the pants are still missing for those of you who were worried. 

Next week is my work's Cmas party AND our last family Cmas function of the year.  I'm as scared as a long tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.  I have plans to rock my leopard shoes and even knee high boots - which will look like hell with fat rolls hanging out of them. 

Okay fine - I don't have fat rolls on my feet but it feels like it. 

On a serious note - things really aren't funny.  I've gained weight - all my own doing.  No one shoved french fries down my throat.  I'm not happy.  I don't feel like myself.  I don't feel sexy.  I've had a shitload of migraines and a nasty cold which hasn't helped. 

No excuses.  I have plans for blogging, staying accountable, detoxing, working out, marathon training, rewinding a bit, and learning to love myself every single effing day.  If I have to start taking baths filled with Skittles AND sweetarts - I'm willing to do it.  There's nothing I won't do to get to goal in 2011.  Period.

And making that statement is worth blogging on Sunday. 

Back to the Jerseylicious marathon.  MY GOD - those are my kind of girls. BIG hair, BLING out the ass and 5 inch heels EVERY day.  I want to move there.........no lie.

13 comments:

Justawallflower said...

so sorry it's hard for you right now. hope it gets better for you. go enjoy your skittle and sweettart bath.

~ Darla ~ said...

You're so right, Draz. I use FF through commercials, but even on the NY eve programs there were a lot of weight loss commercials. I'm glad you have plans to turn yourself around. I'm going to be interested in reading and celebrating your successes with you. My thanks to you for all the calories I've burned off laughing at your blog writings. You are good.

~ Darla ~ said...

I meant to say usually FF -- arggh.

Jacquie said...

Hang in there Draz! I think a lot of us can relate to what you are feeling right now. Tuck those imagined fat rolls in those boots and have a good time at the function with the family. We will all be with you in spirit. We will also be with you7 "for realz" working our butts off on the treadmill or whatever our poison is!

I just sent a text to my trainer telling her we have a lot of work to do if I am going to have Michelle Obama's arms by my daughters wedding on 3/25....wish me luck.

Gules said...

I'm with ya. I've been in a carbohydrate coma for the last week. Eating anything I wanted just because I "felt" like it...yeah, good idea eh? But I'm excited about my goals this year and so I know this is only temporary. Hang in there, you'll make it out just fine.

Read said...

Man Draz, when are those dang blamit (my own new word) holidays going to be over for you? No wonder your mojo is in hiding! I have faith in you! You can and will suck it up and make it through your last couple (I hope it's only 2 more) holiday things and then you can take a deep breath or 17 and get yourself back on the straight and narrow. Don't be too hard on yourself in the meantime. We've all been there and we'll all be there again from time to time.

Don't forget - You rock!!

Band-Babe said...

I want to move there with you!!! THAT should have been my phrase for the year... GTL! Oh, and DTF. That's the life for ME.

Band-Babe said...

Oh wait, I want Jersey Shore, not Jerseylicious, although Olivia is so darned cute, I hope she gets her new boobs soon.

Ice Queen said...

Just don't fake bake until you look like an OOmpa-Loompa. :P

My mojo came skedaddling back, just recently It was out sniffing flowers, chasing clouds and making snowmen. Stupid mojo. I locked it up. It isn't allowed to go anywhere, now. When yours comes home, toss it in the basement and seal the door shut until it learns it's lesson.

Miz said...

NO EXCUSES but lots and lots of us here for you to lean on.
we've ALL BEEN THERE.

xo

Lanie Painie said...

Oh yeah, anything endorsed by Suzanne Summers has GOT to be legit! Now where'd I put my thigh-master?

MrsFatass said...

Is THAT how the saying goes? A long haired cat in a room full of rockers?

This year has OUR name on it. And I'm with you on Jersey. Let's go.

~ Darla ~ said...

LOL @ Lanie