Friday, March 25, 2011

BYOC Friday!!!!! ♥♪ Bring Your Own Crazy ♥♪

In case it has escaped your notice….it is indeed Friday. And with Friday comes BYOC…Bring Your Own Crazy. Five little questions you can paste into your blog and answer in order to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blog brain a break.


1. How do you handle criticism?

In a word…I don’t. (I guess that was two words) I mean honestly – have you seen how I react when I get a bazillion good comments from a posting and one nasty one from an anonymous poster? I forget the bazillion good and focus on the one bad and begin to think they could be right. I guess in reality – I set my standards high and over-achieve constantly – just to avoid criticism because I can’t take it. THAT my friends – I did not say was healthy – I’m just being honest. And in all honesty – until I typed that sentence I never thought of it before like that. Holy epiphany. And not a good one.

I get stellar job reviews so I don’t have to hear criticism. I take on too much and never say no. I excel – to protect myself. Wow.

That’s really not excelling at all is it? Or at least not excelling for the right reasons.

2. Who had or has had the greatest impact on your life?

Rambo. He’s been #1 in my life since I was 15 and has literally saved my life when I was a suicidal teen. Without him – I wouldn’t be here typing this today. When I felt I was unlovable and better off dead….he loved me anyway and vowed to prove me wrong.

3. If you had a friend that spoke to you the way YOU speak to yourself – would you keep them as a friend and for how long?

Good God – these are serious today huh?

Um…I’m really not sure. I don’t think I’ve ever had a human being in my life that was as cruel to me as I have been to myself in the past. I would love to say I’d kick them to the curb but at some points in my life I would have believed their every word so I’m not sure. Today I can say no way. I do not surround myself with people who are toxic to my mental or physical health.

4. Do you think crying is a form or weakness or a form of strength?

In my heart – I know it’s a strength BUT with that being said – I was taught NOT to cry. Ever. If I ever did – I was told to stop. That it helped nothing and solved nothing. So I learned to cry in solitude – a lot. And hide it – a lot. In present life – I’m not a person who cries. I work with women who cry weekly due to hormones and stress and general life and I think that’s completely normal and even physically good for you and I actually envy it. BUT the meds I’m on make crying difficult. The tears do not come. I do feel sadness and stress BUT it rarely brings me to tears. They just don’t come. Something has to be really really emotion provoking and wrong for my body to cry. I actually miss crying – it’s a good release and relieves sadness and stress but I can’t make it happen. I actually find it easier to cry in happiness than sadness but I think that’s due to becoming sappy with age.

But with that being said – I do not feel it’s weakness. Especially in men – it takes a man with big balls and a huge heart to let tears fall with no shame. I respect the act of crying immensely.

And I have vowed never to tell my children it’s not okay to do. I will not strip them of that validation…because it rips your heart out.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Real life? Um – I’ve been complaining every day in my posts. It’s rather sickening and I fear the trend may continue. Rambo will be working two double shifts, I have walls and ceilings to paint and more PT work to do. And my house is a mess from the kitchen remodel that began. It is not a place of sanctuary like usual and it makes my heart panic. That being said – I have two days that do not require makeup, my hair being done or fake smiles to be plastered on my face. THAT my friends is priceless – even if I’m covered in paint.

Oh and not one word from the Principal yet.

Blog life? I know we all say thank you all the time…but the comments I received on the school situation mean more than you can ever imagine to me. To say I’ve conquered some difficult things and hours this week is an understatement – and everything I do is ten fold because of my severe social anxieties. Without your advice and your cheering me on and lending me your dragons – I wouldn’t be healing and growing. And W wouldn’t have the mother I am today.

Many of you asked friends and relatives in your lives for advice and passed it on to me – and each time – I was humbled by that effort. I will never forget the significance of your time and prayers and advice.

So thank you…again. For those of you going to Chicago – when I squeeze you extra tight – this week is the reason why. I will not forget.


Food Freak said...

Good questions, but even better open, honest, authentic answers. You seem to have people-pleasing disease. So many ED people have it . . . our need to be perfect, too. You recognize it and can overcome it, I'm sure. You're a tough cookie; hang in there.

I'm disturbed that the principal hasn't called or contacted you somehow after all this time. What's your deadline for him/her before you or Rambo start kicking ass (civilly, of course)?

S/he'd better get on the stick before that stick is shoved a place where the sun don't shine.

MandaPanda said...

Great questions! Especially #3. I definitely wouldn't have a friend who talks to me that way. Seriously rude and diserspectful. Shouldn't be that way, huh?

Ice Queen said...

Okay, where is Watermelon's school? It is time to round up a posse and go kick some Principal ass. Then find B and...

Oh! I have a properly working button, now, if you would like to change the one you have now. *blush*

Anonymous said...

The anonymous poster apologized profusely. Apologizing again.

Read said...

2. I hope Rambo has succeeded in proving you wrong!!

Seriously!!! You were in a serious mood today, weren't you! Great questions and great answers!

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Girl, some serious stuff today, but great aswers!

Jess said...

I love the way you and Rambo are so in love. It is heart warming....hopeful. I love that you have someone so great in your life that makes you "feel". We are both lucky in that sense.

Great BYOC.

Lee Ann said...

Great questions. I'm not sure I've ever posted answers to any of your questions but I enjoy reading people's answers and thinking about them myself. These really struck a nerve, especially #1 & 3. In your answer to #1 I totally see myself and it never occurred to me that my overachiever-ness is related to my inability to handle criticism but I guess it is. And #3, b/c no, hell no, I would not be friends with anyone who criticized me as much as I criticize myself. Wow, so thanks for pointing that out. I need to have my head fixed.

Band Geek said...

This is the first time I've visited your page, so I just wanted to say hi and let you know I will be visiting again! (following) :-) Have a good rest of the weekend!

Beth Ann said...

Great questions, Drazil! I love that you never hold back and give us (and yourself) complete honesty. It inspires!