Thursday, March 17, 2011

I just can't title this post.

There will be absolutely no rhyme or reason or flow within this blog post. There – I said it. I feel better now that you’ve been warned.

• I was watching that show “Heavy” the other night and a therapist had two people dig a hole in the dirt and then throw donuts, pizza, candy, and everything bad for you into the hole. Burying the food was the metaphor. Burying who they used to be and what they used to put in their bodies before they changed. They did it. They literally threw brownies in the dirt - and pizza and donuts and everything. And they yelled at the food and screamed, “Goodbye!” They said they didn’t want the food anymore.

Well, I’m just here to tell you that I’m crazy because even 5 years into becoming healthy I still would not and could not throw pizza into anything unless it was a bigger pizza I could fold it up into. If say a pizza or candy bar or chip is in my hands and my fingers are wrapped around it – the only place it’s then going is in my mouth. It’s not leaving my hands for any other reason.

I never don’t want junk. I’m losing weight and working out but you can bet your sweet ass that my still cellulite-y ass still had a Milky Way for breakfast today. If someone asked me to throw a Milky Way into a hole I’d take off running – with the Milky Way. That’s just sacrilege. Wasteful. Crazy. And mean to the Milky Way. I mean it’s not the candy bar’s fault is it? I couldn’t believe they did it. I cried – for the food. Never, ever have I stopped wanting the crap stuff that got me to 226 pounds…and I doubt I ever will. I mean, yes, I crave healthy food but I sure as hell crave bad food just the same as I did when I started this journey. Do you?

• My sister graduates from college in May. Anyone have any creative, meaningful graduation gift ideas I could steal? A long time ago, I had an artist sketch a tattoo for her and I that we were both going to get some day but then she decided she doesn’t want any tattoos. There’s a lot of meaning in the picture and I thought about having Joey make it into a piece of artwork and framing it but I’m not sure if that’s something that she’d even like….so I’m torn…and need more ideas.

• All of you runners out there – which now includes my best friend Jenny …do any of you have a favorite runner’s drinky thingy? I have decided I do not want a waist band that carries a water bottle. I want one that your hand grasps around and straps to the back of your hand so it stays on and you don’t really even have to grasp it. There are so many online – anyone have any they LOVE and would recommend for long distance running? I have to have one when the real marathon training begins.

• There’s a good chance I may try a Zumba class Sunday. Now…you’re all probably saying, “Woot – Draz is finally going to join the rest of the mobs who’ve been doing Zumba for eons now and get on board.” Well yes, and thank you BUT the more pressing matter in all of this is – Draz doesn’t do public exericising.

Public is scary enough – add exercising and it’s downright puke-worthy. I may throw up before I even get there. The good thing is I’m not going alone – I mean duh. Isn’t that a given? I could never do something so fear and anxiety provoking alone. I may or may not go. It may be too much and Zumba and hives may not mix. Zumba and Xanax however – I have heard – are great together.

• Another exercise question for you pros out there. I know some of you are jump roping. Quick, convenient, easy and effective for toning. My question is – is one way of jumping better? I mean when you jump do you do the “hop up and down using your front tippy toes” or do you do the “one foot over, then the other foot follows” kind of jump. I would think the first would be more of a workout. Does it matter? Yes – yes – yes – I’m anal. We’ve established that already, haven’t we?

• Do any of you do real sprint intervals when you interval train? By this I mean when you are on the treadmill or running and you do intervals – (like 2 minutes at a high speed which makes you run back to a low speed where you either walk or jog slow) - do you ever literally sprint – like all out dead run as fast as you can no breathing I might trip and fall I’m running so fast and my boobs are slapping me in the face for 20 seconds and then recover? I’ve never done that kind of interval training – the all out sprinting like I’m running the 100m dash in track back in high school kind. I’m going to start though. It could be a heck of an endorphine rush. 20 seconds is the max sprint on the treadmill or just a short distance if I’m running the halls or outside. I’ll keep you posted on how I like it.

• I would just like to say I have so many deadlines for my part time jobs that I’m going to try to fly up a witch’s butt so I can ignore all of it. I have a 16 hour day coming up because of it. Though I’m technically unable to whine about this – because Rambo does 16 hour shifts at a prison constantly – Ima gonna….cuz I’m a girl…and it’s whine-worthy don’t you think?

• Speaking of my upcoming 16 hour day – would you all like to know what Rambo will be doing that day while his wife slaves away? Moshing. Screaming. Devil-horning. If you don’t know what any of those are – well – you’re not missing much.

Moshing is when a bunch of – usually high and drunk – MEN (women aren’t that dumb) – form a circle and then randomly people fly into the middle of the circle head on to each other – slamming their bodies into someone they’ve never met until they are pushed back out to the outer circle. Rambo loves moshing. Probably because it’s dangerous. I have watched him do it and he usually comes out bloody. And he’s usually the only one not high or drunk….which makes it worse. At least the other men have an excuse as to why they’d do something so dumb. Jesus. Anyway – Rambo loves this event so much he’s going to a heavy metal concert alone the night I work. (clearly this man does not share my social anxieties) It is good I work – or I’d just worry. Good God.

• Lastly – anyone got any BYOC questions for me tomorrow so I can redeem myself after the XXX rated ones? If you do – lemme know via my email and I’ll do my best to include them. It can be anything your little mind is dying to know about your fellow bloggers (if there’s anything left to know after last week).

Love to you all!


Dawnya said...

I so love when you have random thoughts. They are always so interesting.

I'm no pro at exercising. But when I do my jump rope...I do it like I did when I was a kid. I just do it. It's such fun. I even bought a small rope for my kids...they don't really jump yet...but it's fun to watch them chase each other with the rope.

Men are idiots!!! Moshing is so insane!!

You and Zumba...or you zumba and xanax. I think you can do it!! You've been doing great lately...this is just one new step you can accomplish.

Graduation gifts....hmm...what does she love? If you can't think of anything from the here and now...go back to something she enjoyed as a child or as a young lady and try to bring that joy back to her.

amandakiska said...

I've pretty much given up on Heavy. I just think it is completely wrong and irresponsible that weight loss surgery isn't included in the plan for some of them. I mean, many have BMI's over 50 and statistically the chance of them losing the weight and keeping it off for more than 5 years is less than 3%. Also I believe that ALL foods are okay as part of a healthy diet when eaten in moderation. Things like throwing pizza and brownies into a hole is just...wrong, not realistic, setting them up for a deprevation-induced binge?

I have no input on the running as I'm more of a walker/cyclist myself. I'm always in awe of those who can run, though!

Ginger aka Gidget said...

I have not watched Heavy because I'm still trying to get over not wanting to strangle everyone on The Biggest Loser. But, to throw away my junk food? Are you kidding? NO WAY IN HELL!

Cindy said...

I didn't realize they still "did" mosh pits...

have to say that is pretty cool though. frightening, but cool.

Kristin said...

omg this is so long I kept thinking 'oh, i know the answer to that one!' and then by the time i hit the end of the post i forgot all the questions.

i seriously wonder if i should be evaluated by a neurologist. no one should have this many memory issues at 38, should they?

anyway, enough about me:

if someone threw brownies into a pit i would jump in after them. if they were frosted, i would stay in the pit forever and ever.

i've only done one zumba class but it was super fun and the whole class had a fun vibe. hopefully that'll help you with the public exercise anxiety. and xanax is the best thing ever.

i am a terrible rope jumper, but the way boxers do it, on the balls of their feet, is the best cardio workout. one downside is it can really bulk up your calves. but you get such a heart rate boost it's worthwhile.


Kristin said...

oh, and realllllly hardcore sprints are supposed to be the best way to improve your performance, especially if you already have great stamina (as you do). i've never done them because i am incredibly clumsy and the idea of smacking into the pavement face-first scares the bejeezus out of me every time i try to run.

Amanda said...

I do Tabata sprints, which are 20-seconds of "kill me now" followed by 10 seconds of walking, repeat 8x/ 4 minutes.

They're brutal. And effective. And I'm ruler of the universe when I'm done.

Of course, I also can't breathe, but that's a small price to pay.

Amanda said...

I still watch Heavy but I hate it. Don't ask. Anyway, you would think a nutritionist or therapist would realize that giving up everything you have liked to eat in the past forever wouldn't be helpful. Moderation people!

Wendy said...

A copy of oh the places you will go? I believe they even have fancy graduation editions available.
If she had a kindergarten graduation do a double matted pic of it and have before under it and after under a blanc space for a pic from this graduation.
A beautiful print or figurine of the world inscribe with it is all yours.
And yeah.....I would have been digging their own graves or some such. That is like breaking a pen or pencil because the user can't spell.

Laura Belle said...

Ok, here I go:

-don't watch Heavy, but burying perfectly good chocolate or pizza is beyond ridiculous.

-When I graduated from college, I really wanted a frame that I could put my little 'graduated from college piece of paper thingy' in it. I can't think of the name. But at my college they had really nice frames with the logo of the university on it. Don't know if your sis went to a big or small college, but you could always have it matted and framed for her.

-Never done Zumba. I know, i'm like the last person on the planet, besides you of course.


-I was actually on a traveling jump rope team that did tricks and flips while jumping rope when I was in 3rd grade. I was and am such a nerd. Anyway, I don't think it matters which way you do it. But on all the boxer movies, they jump rope with one foot then the other.

-BTW: Happy St. Patty's Day.

Angelia said...

I don't watch Heavy. While I'm no where near that big, lots of the crap they talk about hits home. I don't wanna hear it, to be honest.

Dizzy Girl said...

Doing interval training/sprints will make you a faster, more agile runner. Do them. Do them often. Do them til you want to puke, and then do one more.

Jumping rope- do not do one foot follow the other. It's pansy and you are stronger than that. Both feet together, no bouncing, just jump the shit out of that rope. I started with 100 jumps, took a break while my friend jumped 100 jumps, then took my turn again. Now we're up to 700 jumps and it's easy. I'm adding more than 100- I'm doing like, 110- 125 just to switch things up. Toning those arms and legs girl (and that freaking jiggly ass of mine). It works!!!



Shannon said...

your rambo and my DH should get together. DH loves to mosh too. It scares the poop out of me!

Here are some questions for your BYOC! You must post it early to so I dont have to wait to read them :) I know im impatient lol

1.What is the one thing you regret doing so far in your life?
2.What is your worst fear?

Twix said...

The food in a pit being buried. Might as well have put it in a coffin and gave it a proper funeral and burial. Would have been more entertaining anyways. But... it won't work, in the long run. I'd rather find ways to either incorporate into life in moderation or find a new way to recreate the food in less calorie stricken fashion. It depends on the food. You can't make eveything lower because some stuff is just yuck when you do. Good lord - gave me an idea. Perhaps we/someone should do a food makeover day on their blog/s. Hee,hee..

Art sounds unique. I'd like it because it wouldn't be your standard fare of ooh lookie you graduated. That stuff would make me nauseas. It just screams I'm here, glad you graduated, but you're so not worth of my time or effort to celebrate. Ya, I think a unique piece of art would be great.

Hot peppers is fun (sprint roping). :) My daughter does that sprint, slow down, sprint again (running, not roping). She seems to enjoy it. Zumba and Xanax..hee. Is it possible? I'm like you. I'd throw up before I got to the class. Lucky just to drive there. I've been trying to convince myself for weeks to go to one. Not there yet. The hand drink thingy (?!), I want one!!

16 hour day, doesn't sound like fun, busy yes. I think in reality as women, our work day truly never ends. I have some symphathy for those of us who work and do the normal wife/mom stuff in addition. Has to be frustrating.

Then you mention mosh pit. And I go back to thinking about all those goodies Heavy threw into the pit. I wonder if any of them would come out alive. ;-)

BYOC questions...

What is the dirtiest thing you ever cleaned?
Do you ever say never? Or do you believe that you shouldn't because? And why?

All I could come up with. :D

Your food comments drew me in. Happy Thursday... I know last time wasn't tuesday but I wanted to pretend it was. :D

bandedchick said...

your first few paragraphs killed me...especially about throwing the pizza. thanks for brightening my afternoon :)

Ice Queen said...

I don't know from sprinting. I do know all about being slapped in the face by my boobs.

Anyone who would mosh needs their head examined. Seriously. lol

Sorry I can't think of any good BYOC questions. I are an idiot, that way. ;P

Beth Ann said...

I like Heavy, but burying food is just not right. There are other ways to act out that metaphor!

Good luck with your 16 hour day!

Laurie said...

My head is spinning from all of your words, but
1. thinking about pizza now
2. you really think being up a witch's butt beats 16 hours of work? it could be pretty prickly up there

Jen from Oregon said...

Xanax & Zumba! That's the only way I could try it.

Food Freak said...

Brownies, candy bars . . .can't see much use for them, but pizza is a food, when it's made right. I couldn't throw food away in good conscience, even brownies and candy bars.

"Do you think there really are differences between ethnic groups (French, Chinese, Saudi Arabian, Danish)? If so, give some examples." Bound to start something going.

My father was a professional boxer and jumped rope into his 80's. He did three kinds of jumps. The long, aerobic part was hopping on the balls of his feet, both feet together. The sprinting/anaerobic part Was speed-jumping each turn of the rope at about a second a jump for a while, like a sprint. The resting part was putting one foot in front of the other and alternating feet with each jump. I hope you can make that out. It can be very hypnotic and meditative.

Xanax is goddess' gift to people with social anxiety. Moshing is god's gift to people without it.

Maria said...

I've actually never seen Heavy. That kind of stuff, the burying of the food, just seems gimmicky to me. I get it from a psychological standpoint, I guess, but it's just annoying on a tv show. And, like you said, I'm still constantly craving junk. I even ate a brownie last night right before I went to bed, and then I had to sit up for another twenty minutes so the damn thing didn't get stuck in my band. Ugh.

Jump roping sounds good. I may have to add that to my routine!

Amanda said...

I think I will focus on two bullets!

-I will never throw pizza any where except the microwave or oven for a reheat. I may not always be able to eat it but I will always try it. I effing love pizza. Love it.

-heavy metal. Cool. My husband is a heavy metal drummer! He has the long hair to go along with it. Strange. So very strange because he is this 6ft6 gentle giant too. He moshed back in the day but now he stands back and takes it all in. I go with him to shows and I am more likely to get in there and bang people around. But I don't...I'd be safe though. One look at him and people wouldn't touch me! lol.

I went to a show with him a few months back. (see I've been reading a while just not posting on your blog) I love the band..they aren't so "hard" any more, anyway...I wore a pink shirt and some cute earings..some skinny jeans. He is wearing a black tshirt and pants (his typical) let me just say that wearing a pink shirt was stupid. I am by far the weirdest looking girl in there singing along to some swedish metal. Next time I am going to have a costume and see if I can get my nose ring back in. A spike! That'll work.

Reminds me of the post about your husband getting his truck out in the snow. My husband has a big ole truck. We live in a "redneck" town..and he now deals chain saws. A long way from a proper English man I married 4 years ago who drove a car smaller then my kitchen (and I've got a really small kitchen)