Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Just call me Bob Vila-ette.

While I have been known to describe myself in many, many ways…I’m not sure I’ve ever told you I’m stubborn. Or maybe the word is focused. Driven? Deranged? Like a train going in one direction at top speed – unable to veer off to another track until the original trek is completed?

Yup. I get an idea in my head and my day is then 100% focus on that one idea. Nothing else matters. I draw sketches. I research. I see the outcome in my head. I can’t sleep because my hands are itching to finish the project. I am never more sure that I can complete something.

Last night – my mission was the new wood floor for our kitchen/dining room.

Now yes – let’s be clear. I whined about how exhausted I was all day. I had some more reporting to do for the State when I got home. Supper to cook, tv to watch, a Rambo Skittles bath to take and family time to spend. BUT none of that was happening until I did what I had planned.

Let’s also be clear that we hired a contractor to install our floor. Let’s be really really clear that every time I told Rambo I wanted to start the floor on my own BEFORE the contractor arrived – his first and only reaction every time was, “Didn’t we hire a contractor to do that?”

Silly boy.

I had picked four different colors of wood. I wanted a random pattern. My contractor thought I was nuts when we told him. He hates random patterns. Is afraid it’ll look dumb. And four colors? And on and on. Blah blah blah – from a man who wears Carhart jeans and cowboy boots with a hammer hanging out of his back pocket. You got the contractor thing down pat…but design and style….well, leave that to me would ya?

You are wrong buddy. And I’ll prove it.

Also note this wood floor will be going around my huge fireplace that is flanked by jagged rocks. That means quite a few pieces will have to be custom cut to go around jagged edged rocks along the bottom. It will be tedious. And then the gap will need to be painstakingly filled with black caulk. My little brain is worried my contractor will half ass this – mostly because he’s a man with no patience…not because of lack of skill.

So my plan? I’m going to start the flooring myself. Me, my boobs and my vagizzle. I’m going to do all the way out to the edge of the rocks so he doesn’t have to custom fit anything. I’m going to show him how 4 different colors in a random pattern will work.

I’m going to change my name to Bob Vila-ette too. Right about now I’m repositioning my vagina like men move their balls and I’m yelling “I am woman – hear me roar.” Now hand me the damn hammer.

Rambo insisted he remove the trim for me. I let him so as not to kill his ego. But then?

I began the floor - myself. I painstakingly cut around every jagged rock. (I’m installing adhesive wood flooring by the way) I measured so my floor was straight. I had Rambo help me chalk line. I chose the random pattern.

Rambo even left the house to go change the oil in our car. I was a woman – alone – with nothing but some wood and a plan. And I was empowered.

Rambo came back in and helped me finish a few rows and I called it done.

It’s fantastic. Don’t tell me my vision won’t work unless you can prove it Mr. Contractor man.

Said contractor showed up this morning – in love with my floor. And probably shocked that I did it. Maybe Rambo forgot to mention that part.

On to the next train ride folks. The wood floor journey has concluded.

Now I have a burr up my butt to paint a whimsical scene on another wall. I live in a split foyer ranch home so you walk in my front door and you can go up stairs or down stairs to whatever level you want. On the wall leading up to the main floor I want to paint grass along the landing and steps. A little girl blowing bubbles. A tree. Sun. Some flowers. A bird or two. Simple yet pretty.

And I refuse to pay money for stencils or wall stickers so I’m going to do it freehand like I did my cattails. We’ll see if it turns out. Today all I can do is research shapes and designs and make my sketches and imagine pictures in my mind of how it’ll be.

Stubborn-ness….yes. Focus….yes. Drive….yes.

Only one direction at a time though thank you. Any more than that and Draz’s head explodes. And me and that azzhole have become friends. We’re forming a mutany against Sheniqua soon.

Stick around ….it might be fun.


Ice Queen said...

Just a few things:

1. I am so seriously envious of your new wood floor that I am going to sneak into your house when you are at work and steal it.

2. You rocked your floor installation. Well, beginning it, anyway. If I ever need a wood floor installed around rocks, I know whom to call.

3. Where is the pic of the brilliance? I want to see!

4. Is it wrong that I feel a little sorry for Sheniqua?

Amanda said...

I like to tackle home improvement projects too, but a wood floor - now that is impressive. You definitely need to post pics!

Laura Belle said...

You always brighten my day with your posts! I love it!

I worked construction for a summer, and every 'dude' construction worker basically said, "you can't do that, you can't do this." Wanna bet? I freaking did whatever I said I was going to do and I did WAY better than they would have. It took me 3 months, but they finally recognized the TALENT!

Amanda said...

can you come one down to NC to install wood floors for me!? Seriously. It'll be like a vacation! :)

Shannon said...

I can't wait to see pictures of that floor! you have me all excited about it :)

Dazee Dreamer said...

You need to post a picture of your floor. I'm intrigued.

Also, you are going to fill your gap with some black cock huh. oops you spelled caulk. I work for a plumbing wholesaler and you wouldn't believe how many men pronounce it cock. just sayin. :)

I'll take my sick mind away now. can't wait for the picture

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

I want to see!!!You can do anything cause your a bad ass!

Jacquie said...

You just keep amazing me girl! I am in awe of your many talents....and your gorgeous too!

Sandy Lee said...

Come to my house and help me finish my reno. Love you so strap on that toolbelt and go go go. You know they now have pink tools?

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Yes, pictures please!

Food Freak said...

That's wonderful. I'm tres impressed. It sounds way cool, but if I SAW IT IN PHOTOS I'd be even more impressed, I'm sure.

Good going!

Losing It said...

Pictures? yes!

Dying to see this pattern you picked out. Creative!

Read said...

I am totally looking forward to some pictures - I bet the floor is amazing!!! And I am so the same way - I get a bee in my bonnet (as Brad says) and then come hell or high water - there are fish on the wall, or the room is repainted, or the dresser refinished, or the chair reupholstered... yadda, yadda, yadda!! You totally rock and I can't wait to see pictures of the wall either!

catherine said...

I'm inspired by your drive! Show those pee-pees who's boss!

Beth Ann said...

You are so kickass. I love that the contractor loved it. That is just awesome!