Thursday, March 24, 2011

The next moment.

Normally one of my big mantras is “stay in the moment”…because usually I live in the past or future so much that I miss the moments that happen now.

This week I’m throwing that entire mantra out the freaking window and I hope it gets run over by a semi carrying a load of hogs. That’s how I feel about staying in the damn moment.

I cannot. I refuse to. Let the “stay in the moment” Gods curse me. Drazil can take it – he’s a fire breathing dragon now remember?

This week is all about the future. The “next” moment. It seems thinking about the next moment is the only way I can get through the now moment.

On Monday it was – “if you can make it to Wednesday – you’re home free.” Then on Wednesday it became “if you can make it to Thursday you’re good as gold”. Today – Thursday – it’s become “if you can make it to the weekend without admitting yourself into a mental institution you’re gonna make it.”

All I can do each day it seems is think about what’s next? Move all your furniture – your contractor is arriving tomorrow. More training at night – no time to eat or sit down – suck it up and put on your Superwoman panties so you can get past it to the next day. Barely any sleep for days…maybe there’ll be sleep tomorrow. Remember your couch? Maybe soon you’ll get to sit on it again.

It’s fun being dramatic no?

Oh and in case you’re wondering…Rambo is fine. I’m not sure if I mentioned that a portion of the prison he works in has become general population so that means these men are NOT in solitary. Yesterday Rambo saw an inmate walk in from rec and saw him wipe his face and thought the inmate was sweating at first glance. Upon a closer second look – he realized the inmate was full of blood and wiping it off his face. Someone beat the crap out of him. All hell breaks loose then. It still amazes me the difference between a busy day for Rambo and a busy day for me. Honestly I try not to think about it.

Also – the Principal did not talk to or ask W any questions yesterday. We have not heard from anyone yet. I know they are busy but in my world – this is a top priority. I guess it’s not in theirs.

I got home from my second night of 4 hours of training and was met by Banana telling me that while in the bath when Rambo turned his back for a second she decided to try out one of my razors. She cut herself a little and scared the crap out of herself. I told her “you shouldn’t play with Mommy’s razors.”

Her reply? “Someone should have telled me that before Mama.”

Yes – indeed. My fault. So sorry. Cuz I’m sure she wouldn’t have done it had I told her that (she forgets I’ve told her 100 times in the past.) This from the same child who when I went to wake her up this morning I found her standing on top of her tallest dresser – trying to reach a stuffed animal on a shelf. Lovely.

Oh and news flash. I now pee Mountain Dew. I think if I cut myself I’d bleed Mountain Dew. I don’t think it’s helping though. I look like donkey caca because I’m so tired. I may have to crush up some sweet-tarts and mix it in the Mountain Dew. It’s like the legal version of meth.

So there you have it. Wednesday complete. W got to her meeting. I trained for 4 hours. Even painted my nails somewhere in there. Furniture moved in less than an hour. Banana went to the dentist and nearly cut her leg off. Rambo survived a bloody mess. And I even managed to comment and read some blogs.

Now the only thing I want to know today is - where the hell is Friday?


Karen Butler Ogle said...

Just one more day, Draz. One more day until Friday. I'm right there with you wishing and hoping and praying that Friday bring sweet relief and peace and CALM. Hang in there and remember you have friend here who know how you are feeling and are cheering you on through the tough stuff. Hugs. :)

Laura Belle said...

I hear ya sista. Although, the beginning of my week was farely uneventful, today a manager just dropped off a project that would normally take me a month and he wants it like yesterday.

All I wanted to say was: Fuck you very much.

Now, instead of having a relaxing week, it's going to be chaotic, and the chaos isn't starting till the end of the week. That's just total bullshit.

But keep your head up, it will get better, at some point.

Maybe you should consider buying Mt. Dew in bulk. And 'bulk' meaning a semi-truck delivering a pallet on your front lawn. Just an idea.

JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

Honey. THat IS living in the moment. No?

Food Freak said...

Gee, kiddo. I don't know how you're not in a 24/7 panic attack. You're doing really well even through the craziness. A word of caution--don't be the one causing all of the anxiety. You have enough pressure from outside. You don't need it to come from you.

That said, you have friends here. As Karen said, we're rooting you on.

Dawnya said...

OMG!! I'm calling the intervention people for you so that we can get you off that damn mountain dew. Back away from it Draz.

Banana is a superkid, because her mom is a SuperShero. She is just trying to show you her stuff. Did she get that stuffed animal?

I need you to lock yourself in the closet with a pillow and blanket and get some sleep woman.

DiZneDiVa said...

I get exhausted just reading about your life... I can't imagine living it. You do more before 9 am than I do all day... LOL Stay Strong!

Beth Ann said...

Friday's coming! Hold on just a little bit longer. :)

LDswims said...

It'll be over before you know it - and then I'm sure my superwoman will go looking for more stuff to occupy her time.

MandaPanda said...

1 day to go! You can make it!

Amanda said...

Weekend's coming. Hang on to that thought. I've done the "just let me make it through insert-day-here" thing... and usually it ends out about how it's going for you.

Bleah. Oh well. There's still chocolate.

Joey said...

I also have trouble living in the it a perfectionist thing?

Barbara said...

I need to eat some M&M's to get through your post, whew!.. Friday is right around the corner and then you can BYOC.. and your home free.
Don't forget to exhale in between all of demands.. I mean even Draz needs to catch a break every now and then.. hugs! thanks for thinking about me.. you are the best..

Kristin said...

Hang in there, girl. You can do it.

Gen said...

Your Banana is the cutest thing! So sweet. Those kind of stories really are living in the moment. So you are doing it after all! It will get better, hang in there. :)

Miz said...

and it's here.
hope you are feeling better and get a longassbreak this weekend.

Ronnie said...

Screw living in the moment sometimes, every once in a while you just need the weekend to be here quickly!