Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Day 2 with no makeup and little ponies.

Okay Skittles – I survived yesterday – without makeup. I swear to you I saw some people gagging and pointing in my direction….but I stood tall and I pretended that this red eyed, blotchy faced, pale as Rambo’s butt cheeks look was totally on purpose.

I almost tried to pretend I was hungover but I’ve been here too long and everyone here knows I’ve never even been drunk – much less hungover. If anyone thinks to ask me why I look like I’ve been crying – I’m going to lie and tell them Martha Stewart across the hall kicked me when she thought I wasn’t looking.


So today is Day 2 without makeup. I also don’t have on any socks, underwear or a bra. I’m kicking up this whole “less is more” thing a notch. I mean if no one notices when I don’t wear makeup – why waste the time applying it? Same goes for underwear, socks and bras. I bet no one even notices. Wanna bet me?

Tomorrow I might go pant-less and shirt-less. We’ll see.

Lastly I would like to just point out something that is soooo incredibly wrong in my life that I have to put up with EVERY day. It has to do with Explosive Man. If you’re a new reader – he’s the guy in my office who – no lie – no exaggeration – blows up EVERY time he goes in the bathroom…which just happens to be right outside my office…and happens to be about 16 times a damn day.

Anywhoozle….this man also is a photographer in his spare time – which can’t be a lot considering how much he’s in the bathroom. He’s really good at it…BUT there’s one tiny little issue I have with his hobby.

A blog I read made me think of it because she found a spider in her corner and had the literal balls to get close enough to take a picture of it and put it on her blog. I had to cover my eyes so I could keep reading and not see the picture.

So….Explosive Man is also the VP of the company I work for. He’s very busy and when he doesn’t want to be disturbed – he shuts his office door and do you know what he puts on it?

A picture.

Big deal you say. Well yes – when said picture is of a spider. And not just any spider. This is a picture of a spider magnified with a serious professional type camera. I can count the hairs on the spider’s legs – if I ever got that close that is. He also blew up the picture so it is the full size of an 8 ½ by 11 sheet of paper.

What kind of sicko would do such a thing?

He puts this up and you know not to knock or go in.

And it works. I stay far away from his door.

Except one day it just pissed me off more than normal that I had to see that damn spider every time I walked by his office.

So? I replaced it with an 8.5 x 11 picture of a pink Little Pony flitting in the afternoon sun.
I enlarged and printed it out and pasted it over the spider.

Clearly – my idea of “do not disturb” is MUCH better. He wandered around the office asking everyone who did it for days…

I never did confess.

I’m already going to Hell…there’s no point in confessing.

18 comments:

Laura Belle said...

You are THE coolest chick I know.

But seriously. A SPIDER! Ok, we've got another thing in common. I absolutely, positively, HATE more than anything on this planet....Spiders!

I'm cringing even typing the dreaded word.

I think the pony picture is perfect. What's wrong with a little pony? It's so less threatening than a hairy, eight-legged freak of nature. And really, the work place shouldn't be threatening. That's what causes mental breakdowns in employees.

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

LOL!

Dazee Dreamer said...

do you see me standing and applauding? well, I am. good for you putting the pony picture over the spider. too bad you didn't snap a picture of it. you are my hero. you know that, right?

Dawnya said...

You always give me a good laugh. I love reading your blog. I swear...something needs to be done about explosive man. I would just die. LOL...can you imagine what that office must smell like when he is closed up inside all that time. ROFLMAO.

I love the little pony picture. You are good girl.

PN said...

Reading bathroom and photographer ... I was worried what he was taking pics of!

I love that you put a pic of a pony! Pure genius.

FitBy40 said...

I love it! Next week you should print out a picture of Sunshine Bear from the Care Bears!

Angela Pea said...

"Tomorrow I might go pant-less and shirt-less. We’ll see.'

HA!

rskmom said...

ROFLOl!!!! Love, love, love the pony pix!

Jess said...

Too funny! hahahaha

Karen Butler Ogle said...

You crack me up, Drazil. Never ever confess to that. He needs to wonder about that for the rest of his days. LOL. It sounds like something I would do. :)

Tina said...

Too funny! I am actually braless today and shirtless (although i do have a tank top on for modestly sake)..my problem is laundry :) How the heck did it get away from me!!

So while I was reading this and I have heard of explosive man so many times...but i wonder. Did the guy have gastric bypass surgery? I hear they use the bathroom a lot if they ride the grease and sugar train? or perhaps he has irritable bowel syndrome? just thinking...outside the..umm box? outhouse?

I like spiders..they eat mosquitoes.

Nikki said...

Explosive Man must drink Castor Oil like water...I had 3 tablespoons the other night (Trying to make myself go into labor...dont judge me...I am over being preggers) and I swear I crapped like 11 times in a night...So as long as you buy out the towns Castor Oil supply...the world will be alright! :)

As for the pony...hehehe I like that one! :) Evil dude sticking a spider up there...no wonder he has issues...he must've not been hugged as a kid. =/

Debi said...

That is fantastic. Ponies are WAY better than hairy icky spiders any day of the week. :)

Ice Queen said...

Bwahahaha! Draz you are da woman! Replacing his ugly old spider with a pink pony is fabulous. (Too bad you couldn't find one that was explosively shitting. :P)

I have to give it to you, going to work without makeup. You have bigger balls than I do, my friend. If I had to go without makeup for a few days, my ass would be on sick leave until I could paint up and return. No joke.

MrsFatass said...

You're so bad. I want to be your co worker. Or your co-pilot. Or your partner in crime. Or all of the above.

Cat's Chic Chat said...

Hi Drazil! I just found you (after you visited my blog and left a comment...see I'm a detective!) I just read your first page of recent posts and was laughing so hard tears slid down my cheeks. I love laughter through tears (to quote Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias). Anyway, I had Lasik surgery several years back, had to go two weeks with no contacts and no makeup. The horror! I'm with ya sista. You can do it though.

Dizzy Girl said...

I hate Explosive Man. He sickens me- seriously.

Clumsy said...

Oh Drazil, you make me want to toss my make-up and print pink ponies til I puke and then run around totally naked pinning them on every bullitin board in every Wal-Mart! As I scare the little children that stare!