Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Let's do numbers today....

…it’ll be fun…I promise.

1. I forgot my purse today. What woman on Earth forgets their entire purse? I feel like I’m missing an appendage or something. Have you guys ever done that? Does it bug you all day? Should I go buy a new one quick to appease myself? It’s completely warranted right?

2. Thank you so much for your comments yesterday. That sounds so lame to say because I say it so often but there aren’t other words. Yesterday the conversation with my mom seemed so fresh and raw and it hurt to think about and that pain and desperation came out in my writing. As of today, I still feel regret for saying anything but I think in a few days I’ll realize it was what my heart needed. And for once…I gave a voice to my feelings…and I have always believed that can never be wrong.

3. Next weekend is Easter. Today we are supposed to get 2 to 6 inches of snow. Really? Won’t Easter egg hunting in snowboots be fun? What happened to global warming Mr. Al Gore? He should be kicked in the nuts. (if I was sure he had them, I would be happy to do the kicking)

4. Rambo and I went shopping last week and I got a new D&G purse and in that same store Rambo found something I hated – and he bought it anyway. Yup – it’s a girl store. Only thing in it is purses.

While I only speak about politics on my FB wall and in real life, let’s just suffice it to say I’m a conservative Republican (though I veer off party lines on some topics) and so is everyone in my family. So you can obviously gather that I’m no fan of our current Prez…nor is anyone in my family – especially my mom.

Rambo found a purse with Ob*ma’s picture on it. He bought it – for my mother – for Mother’s Day. She will probably throw up. He thinks it’s funny. I can’t believe I spent money on such a thing. My brothers may disown me – joke or not.

Funny thing is when we bought it the guy at the counter said, “No one wants these. I can’t sell them. I will not buy anymore for my store.” I made sure he knew I wasn't happy to be buying it either.  I almost high-fived the dude but I managed to repress it.

5. Have any of you heard of Sylvia Brown? She’s a well known psychic and she’s coming to my area. I so badly want to go but I’m afraid she may tell me “my future”. Like how some day I may really learn how to fart gumdrops and be instantly hauled into famous stardom because of it and all the world will find out who Draz is. I’m sure it’ll make the news. (ego much?)

6. Rambo had to work a double shift last night and we had a Board meeting. He’s the Prez so normally runs the meeting. Imagine my anxiety knowing he couldn’t come and I’d have to run the meeting? Still - I did it. I wanted to run said meeting from under the table – but I did not. Can you believe it?

7. I went downstairs to tan last night, therefore, today I look like a lobster. Goes really good with the white *&^% snow outside. In my crazy head – tan makes my cellulite appear smaller than it really is…so being lobster-ish is totally worth it seeing as how cellulite has taken over my life lately.

8. My assistant at the full time job - had the balls to bring in Reeses eggs and fill up the candy jar. I should have her fired. I kid you not – had they been regular Reeses – I wouldn’t touch them. But because some azzhole shaped them like a godd*mn egg – I am shoving them in as fast as they’ll go. It’s sick I tell you. Sick.

9. Did you guys know that when you enter kindergarten, it is required that you walk into the classroom on your own two feet? I have a child – Banana – who gives grouchy in the mornings new definition. I wake her up and she starts in with, “I need to sleep more. I don’t want to open my eyes. I don’t want to put shoes on. I don’t want to go in the car. I hate mornings. I hate waking up. I hate moving. To the final – I hate walking.”

She stands at the top of the steps and refuses to walk. Carry me Mama….she says with her eyes half shut and Hannah Montana pajamas.

Sure – no problem – let me just first put your overnight bag in the car. And then my bag. And then my purse. Along with lunch for the day. Oh and your blanket and stuffed animals. Oh and you want to take a purse?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph….walk your cute ass into the car before I cut your legs off! Yup – mother of the year right here. Won’t next year be fun when she’s required to actually walk into school – on her own? Kill me now.

10. Nothing to say here. I just hate odd numbers so I can’t end with a 9. Rambo is off the next few days playing Elmer Fudd in the woods hunting turkeys. Wonder what turkeys think of the snow? In effing April. One week before Easter.

I bet the Easter Bunny is off kicking Old Man Winter’s ass into the ground right now for ruining his holiday. Rightly so if you ask me.

Xoxo – my Skittles…I love you all.


Dazee Dreamer said...

ok, I have to say, I'm all for the funny and think it's hilarious he bought the Obama purse for your mom. hey, she deserves it, after she's been so mean to you.

You have to go see Sylvia Brown. At least if she tells you you are the next American Wonder you will be prepared.

Justawallflower said...

1. I have left my purse more times than I could count, except its usually in a restaurant!
2. Even tho ur not feeling about it yet, I'm glad ur feeling better!
4. I think this is hilarious! I'm with u on feelings to that guy, but I think it is funny none the less!
5. My mom use to be obsessed with her when she was on montel all the time!
6. Good for u girl!

Losing It said...

1.) I forgot my purse yesterday. I felt wrong all day.

8.) I have the same affliction to Reese Eggs. I can't deny myself. I want them ALL.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Okay, well...ummm. I'm a conservative democrat and I voted for the idiot who is now screwing the country. I just thought I should get that out there in the open. You don't need to say anything else to cause me to have the deepest regret in casting that vote. I was so sick of Republicans that I felt a change was in order. Unfortunately the change I got was for the worse. Kick me now. I deserve it.

Laura Belle said...

1. I once got all the way to the liquor store (3 blocks from my house), walked inside, and figured out I had no way to pay for my beer because my purse was still sitting on the kitchen table. That sucked.
4. Obama purse for your mom is hilarious! Two thumbs up for Rambo.
10. Looks like we are both some hunting widows right now. Life's bliss durning hunting season, huh? (Note sarcasm.)

Beth Ann said...

My mom always compared tanning oneself to cooking a porkchop. The fat on a raw porkchop looks disgusting, but cook that puppy up and it looks mighty tasty!