Saturday, April 9, 2011

My good God in heaven....

....what the holy hell just happened?

Life happened. 

Shit happened.

Lots and lots of shit people. 

I mean remember me?  I'm the biggest poop and puke hater of ALL TIME.  Typing the words makes me sick.  Seeing either of them makes me gag.  Both of them together in my sight is enough to make me pass out or run screaming.

And yet - the Karma Queen has decided that the last week of my life should revolve around puke and poop.  Even after Banana was released from the hospital, we were sent home with a toilet hat.

A toilet hat?  Who the hell invents something like that?  And who claims that?  Can you imagine writing "inventor of the toilet hat" on your resume?

For those of you who don't know - it catches poop and pee.  Jesus, Joseph and Mary.

Newsflash...those things are not meant to be "caught"....unless of course your 5 yr old can't stop pooping and is in the hospital.  Ugh.

Fine.  I'll catch the damn poop.

It's over people.  Banana is okay now. 

Interestingly enough - typing those four words just brought tears to rolling down my cheeks. 

It is over.  The drama, the hospital stay, the anxiety, the stress, the chaos.  All of it I didn't think I'd survive.

It's bad enough on its own but add in my social anxieties and my need for routine and I was close to losing my marbles. 

Thank God for Rambo - he never left my side...and we never left Banana's side.  The nurses all loved our little girl in her little purple hospital gown in that huge bed. 

I loved- and hated - the visitors.  At one point I was alone with Rambo's brother and I texted Jenny and said, "HELP - what am I supposed to do with this?  I need sleep and rest - why won't he leave?"

Jenny replied?  Tell him you need to go change your tampon - he'll leave immediately. 

So yah - thank God for Jenny too.  I was texting her non-stop and she was always with me.

In the middle of the hospital stay, I got another migraine and was given a pain shot in each of my ample butt cheeks.  You should see the bruise.  I've lost all my dignity officially now.

And now Rambo and I have what Banana had....and the toilet is where we live.  Cuz yes...it's my favorite place you know.  Wow.

Watermelon has remained unscathed - thank God.  Mentally she missed us and being home terribly.  She refused to come to the hospital because she couldn't see her little sister like that...which broke my heart.

Many people visited and sent flowers and all of you sent prayers and love and my co-workers called and on and on.  My Dad never came....for me or for Banana.  I never once thought he would.  He sent love from afar...and that has to be enough.

Regarding the situation with Watermelon and that lovely teacher's aide....the night we got home was parent-teacher conferences and the actual teacher finally said, "Mrs. B. said she told W she had no self-discipline and it was only a 30 second conversation and she didn't think the hallway was an appropriate place for the talk."

And you know what?  Rambo and I looked at each other and neither of us said a word.  Days of no sleep and not eating and worrying and feeling like shit ourselves - we had no fight left in us.  We probably failed Watermelon in that moment.  I'll always be sorry for that.

As of tonight I've caught up on what I missed for the 2 part time jobs.  I have cleaned the entire house with Rambo's help.  I have balanced our budget that hasn't been touched since this happened.  Tomorrow I plan to go into work for about 5 hours to catch up on what I missed all week.  Once that is done - I'll feel mentally better.  I'll feel "normal".  Like it's really and truly over.

The kitchen remodel is done.  Cleaned up.  Re-decorated.  Done.  Pictures will come when I have time to breathe again.

In the last week or so, there have been so many times I felt like I was hanging on by a thread and then I'd read one of your comments and feel your prayers.  Or a new visitor would come in.  Or a new text or phone call. 

Or I'd hear that an old friend's boyfriend was diagnosed with liver cancer....

And I'd realize this is temporary and I am blessed beyond words and nothing beyond love and people really matter.  With or without me - all 3 of my jobs went on.  My house stayed standing.  Other people's lives never stopped.  Life kept going.  The world kept turning.

This moment - the one right now - is really all we ever have.  The rest is just window dressing.  And that whole balance thing I sought out as a New Year's resolution is still completely foreign and out of my grasp right now.

One thing I do know is that soon -

I will fart gumdrops again.
I will have time for a Skittles bath.
I will find my way back to Care Bear Land.

And I will find balance.  I promise you that.

Thank you - from the bottom of Rambo's and my hearts - for your prayers last week. 
Just.
Thank.
You.

29 comments:

Barbara said...

So Glad to read this Draz.. my heart goes out to you and I know that anxiety all too well.. It turns your world upside down.. So glad that your daughter got good care and is home now.. I know about the toilet hat.. all too well. Thank goodness prayers were answered.. so worry with no real update. Hugs to you, bless you.. be well sweetie

Gilly said...

So so SO relieved that she's ok, sweetie! I can't imagine...don't even want to try to imagine...what you have gone through this week. xoxo

Gilly said...

So...I didn't know what a toilet hat was...and I decided to google it. Do NOT google it and look at the images! Just don't.

I still don't know what a toilet hat is.

xo

Darlin1 said...

Amen Sista!

Tina said...

Goodness I missed LOT..I am glad your daughter is better but sorry you now have the condition!! That is the last thing you need on top of all of this. I hope things get better for you all soon!! and normalcy (really calm, warm and happy normalcy) quickly.

xxxooo

Linda said...

So glad she is feeling better! I was worried...
I hope things start to settle down this week. Xoxo

Dazee Dreamer said...

I am so glad to hear that banana is feeling better and is home. Scary times.

Now you and rambo get feeling better. geez

Annie said...

So glad and relived to hear your little girl is okay. We missed you, and your family is in my prayers!

Sam said...

I am so glad you are back and Watermelon is feeling better. Look after yourself, we miss you when you are gone.

Food Freak said...

I'm relieved she's that much better. I'll admit it now. A friend of mine's kind--her only child due to infertility--developed meningitis, which made him lose his hearing in one ear, and partly lose it in the other. I'm so relieved my worst fear didn't happen and that she's fine.

You and Rambo get well, and I hope Watermelon stays healthy.

mommykinz said...

What a wonderfully uplifting post to read this morning. So glad she's better. And you really are superwoman. Take time to rest and recuperate mentally and physically.

Amy said...

Sorry to hear you are now $hitting, but I'm glad to hear that things are getting back to normal. XOXOXO

Sandy Lee said...

Just wanted to add that you all did "survive" the entire week. Big hugs going out to all of you. Just remember when you fill the toilet hat, don't try to put it on your head (I know what those molded plastic thingy's are). At least you didn't have to just use a tupperware container like in the old days. Luv's ya all and it is true you'll be back to the same ol' Draz in a fingersnap.

Jacquie said...

Isn't it amazing what we will do for our children? You were able to put aside all your fears and be there for your daughter and family, like you always do! I am so happy that banana is home and doing well!

Lyla said...

I'm glad Banana is ok, and you guys are getting back to real life.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I"m glad you are home and that you and Banana are okay. I know what an ordeal it can be when a child is in the hospital. I'm so glad that everything is okay now. HUgs.

Amanda said...

I'm so glad everyone's doing better. Bless your hearts, you've had so much going on :(

And the kitchen remodel is done! That can't be overlooked. Whew.

You'll make it back to normal. You already know that :)

Erin said...

So glad your little one is better! I know my daughter is getting over the stomach flu, and all I could think about was what your family was going through and how thankful I am my daughter's bug wasn't as severe.

Justawallflower said...

I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to see your little girl in the hospital like that! I am so glad she is feeling better, as well as the two of you. Take care!

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Thank goodness your home. I know life will go back and eventually all things will balance...

Joy said...

Very, very glad to hear that your little one is better, and that you made it through everything, relatively unscathed. I wanted to tell you thank-you for some very uplifting comments you have left for me on my blog. You really seem to have a knack for saying just the right thing :) Take care, and many good thoughts going out for you and yours!

Read said...

Oh God, I'm so very, very glad all of you are on the mend or all better by now!! And so proud you survived it all!! What a totally horrible ordeal for your whole family!!! I'm still sending all kinds of positive vibes your way for your continued health!

Amanda said...

I've been waiting to hear that you all are on the mend! So glad to hear it. Poor positive vibes sent your way!

Laurie said...

So glad all is going back to gumdrops and skittles. Be gentle with you.

Cindylew said...

Thank God you all survived...you will stay in my prayers.

Sarah Williams said...

Glad Watermelon is ok! Hopefully this week is a little easier on all you guys, sounds like you deserve it!

Pamela E. Williams said...

So glad Watermelon is better. I hope all gets better with you and Rambo. Being sick is no fun, but watching your child being sick is excruciating.

Amanda Kiska said...

Thank God she's better and things are getting back to normal!

MandaPanda said...

I'm a little late but am just so glad to hear she's OK. I said many prayers for that little girl over the weekend adn am just so happy to hear she's home and well. Now I hop eyou and Rambo feel better soon!