Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Giving a damn...minus M&Ms.

M&Ms and Mountain Dew. The breakfast of champions right?


I’m not sure why I choose to take baths in Skittles. The truth is I like M&Ms more. I mean come on – chocolate covered by a crunchy candy shell. And the colors? They make my heart sing. They might make my ass huge but still – my heart sings so today we’re going to focus on the singing heart and not the expanding ass mmkkaayy?

You know what else makes me happy? Crackers. Saltine crackers. Plain, white little squares of perfect carbs. With butter on top. That, my friends, was my supper. An entire row of crackers. Washed down by a box of Whoppers. Again, crunchy chocolate. It’s pretty much an orgasm in a box. Really – does life get any better?

Well it could be better. I mean if you want me to be honest I could tell you that I had a big enough migraine yesterday that it took two triptan pills and finally a hydrocodone narcotic and an anti-nausea pill and ibuprofen before it was gone. I could tell you it kept me up most of the night and therefore, I could admit to you that it was incredibly hard not to fall asleep while driving to work today.

I could tell you the moment I got home from work yesterday I laid on the couch and didn’t move – until I got up to eat crackers. The girls were playing outside all night so I didn’t have to be a mom and Rambo was home. I only got up to eat – and pee. (shit – I’m starting to sound and act like my mother-in-law)


I could admit to you that I fell asleep at my desk three times. I could tell you I don’t feel like myself. I have no energy. The thought of working out sounds so intriguing but the actual doing it seems elusive to me.

I could tell you I’m afraid to try on my cute summer clothes – cuz they probably won’t fit and I’ll have to really admit that my ass and my muffin top are having a competition to see who can get bigger faster.

Sheniqua is in paradise. She’s wracking up friends faster than shit attracts flies. She is having fat parties daily. It’s good times on Fat Avenue.

Draz is pretty happy too. He’s chanting, “I knew you couldn’t get to goal. You suck. I knew you’d give up. I knew you’d gain the weight back. You don’t value yourself enough to kick Sheniqua’s ass once and for all. And that’s good cuz I like Sheniqua…that girl is ffiiiiinnnnneee.”

April took away my spirit – and yes – I allowed it. I didn’t have the energy to fight when Banana was in the hospital and all of us were sick. It’s not an excuse – like I said – I let it happen. I mean we all have things in life that happen that are out of our control and we either deal with it or fold under the pressure.

I folded. I don’t regret that because at the moment I did what I could to hang on. Period. I got through it. Years ago – I probably would have ended up in the hospital next to Banana so it’s a success that I didn’t.

And now it’s May. Now it’s about 20 weeks until the marathon. It’s nearly summer when I love nothing more than to run around in a bikini and ride on the back of the Harley in skimpy tanks.

It’s time. To take me back. To be worth the fight.

To kick Draz in the lizard balls and drag Sheniqua off my hips by her ears.

I have to reclaim my identity – as a healthy person who gives a damn.

Anyone got any tips on how to go about giving a damn again?

15 comments:

Cat's Chic Chat said...

Hi you. I don't have any advice other than to just roll your eyes at Draz and Shaniqua both and put your hand up in a "talk to the hand" type gesture. What's done in April is now done. Now it's May - April is gone and it's now May. Yes, I just repeated that - but the thing is, you cannot repeat April. Now it's May and time to move forward again. Just begin by getting in your protein again. Just one start. Then the next day get in a walk. Just one step at a time and Shaniqua will be dropping off and Draz won't have anything to say. : )

Dazee Dreamer said...

First of all, omg, its a party in the mouth when you have saltine crackers with butter on them. FO for sure. Of course, in my case, I have to have a big ole glass of milk on ice. Just a minute, I'm having a moment............

Ok, back. April was hell month for a lot of people. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I wish I did, Drazil. I am having trouble giving a damn myself at the moment. I was so up for Julie's bicycle challenge and I haven't been on it for one day yet. I'm folding under the pressure of school too. I guess the only tip I have is to get Rambo involved and let him help you give a damn. Dail is helping me out with my class and his encouragement is worth its weight in gold to me right now. Find someone who gives a damn for you. I give a damn, Draz so get off your ass and join in this bicycle challenge with me. I love you, dear and you can do this.

Clumsy said...

Ok so I will admit, I also did butter and saltine crackers...They is nothing like the feel of your arteries slamming shut from the sodium overdose as I lick the salt off the top of those babies! Yum! I too seem to lack motivation at this time and feel myself sinking....c'mon Draz, we are gonna do this!

Catherine55 said...

Yup. Every time you go to eat something you know you shouldn't, visualize Draz and Shenequa rubbing their hands together gleefully... then get something else instead, and visualize them pouting and stomping their feet. Could help! Hang in there!

Beth Ann said...

I wish I liked Saltine crackers. Those are practically healthy when compared to the Club crackers I like!

The way I find to give a damn again, is to keep pretending I give a damn until lo and behold...one day I actually give a damn. I have been fighting the funk for a little while, but I kept faking it until I made it and today I finally feel a little worthy. I don't think today is any different, but it feels different to me. You will get there too!

Sarah Williams said...

I think April kicked a lot of our butts to be honest. It kicked my ass royally. Huge wake up call lately! Sorry you are having a rough time, you know you can kick ass!

Laurie said...

You rock. I want to want it.

♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥ said...

Okay, so sometimes I just have to workout when I don't give a damn. I envision myself and how I'll feel post workout. And if that doesn't work, I do it anyway...

It's not great advice, I know..but sometimes we have to decided to do it anyway. Go do it lady..

FitBy40 said...

I ate a handful of M&M's while reading this. Must be something in the air!

Building Blocks said...

Yes, look to the right of your blog and repeat your mantra 3 times!

Find your balance...

then kick ass!

muah!

Ice Queen said...

Crackers and butter... *drools and shorts out keyboard*

I just read about your eyes. OMG, girl. I am so glad that you are going to be okay and it can be fixed. I had a horrid shock of fear for you until you said that all would be well.

You didn't do anything to deserve what happened. It wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for it. It was random. It was time for it to happen and you were in the wrong place at the right time. Not your fault. So stop beating yourself up.

I wish I could tell you how to get your give a damn back. I can tell you that it seems to me that you have it, because otherwise you wouldn't be worried about it, knowwhatImean?

Time to kick Sheniqua's ass and send Drazil on vacation. The two of them need some quality time away together. *nods wisely*

Dizzy Girl said...

I've been inhaling saltines all day...never occurred to me to add butter, but now that you mention it..

Dizzy Girl said...

Just want you to know, I literally got up, tried the butter on the saltine...inhaled 5 of them immediately- then came back to write a follow up comment. Look at the time difference on my two comments. I have just decided that saltines with butter will be my second dinner tonight. :)

Ali said...

I could soooo relate to this post. (I know, I am WAY behind with my response. I've been gone awhile)....I've felt this way for the past 2 months...I hear that voice of Draz in my head too, telling me I won't (can't) make goal. Working on tell him to shut up. Thanks for putting this out here in words.