Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I confess.....with a side order of "extra fun"....

I confess that last Wednesday’s confessional booth was so much fun to be in that I’m doing it again this Wednesday! Feel free to “confess” your transgressions on your own blog today – it’s seriously addicting (almost as much as bathing in Skittles is).


I confess that last night at the spaghetti supper I saw Rose (the girl bullying my daughter) and I secretly wanted to shake the mean-ness out of her. Do you wanna know that little girl had the nerve to stare me down? I’ve never spoken to her but she obviously knows I’m Watermelon’s mother. Apparently, she apologized to Watermelon yesterday. That’s it. Another incident done with a talk and "I’m sorry". Apparently there’s no escalation of consequences whether it’s the first time you get caught bullying or the 16th. The Principal never talked to Watermelon at all.

I confess that although this sounds like bragging – it is not. But without Rambo and I at the supper last night – it wouldn’t have happened. We were the set up crew, the serving crew, the dishwashing crew and yup – the clean-up after crew. Other people came and went through the whole thing but we were there from start to finish and let me just say – we pulled our weight and then some. While it was good to help out – and we will do it again as we belong to the club that put it on…it left us feeling exhausted and a little annoyed. It’s a once a year fundraiser – and some in the club didn’t even show. It was frustrating – but successful...and that's what matters.

I confess that though it is totally and completely unnecessary…I am having another tattoo consult today for another tattoo on my left calf. Rambo’s back piece if finally finished after more than 6 sittings and 15 hours so now it is MY turn.

I confess that I am addicted to reading Dr. Phil’s shows every day online in the same way that I am addicted to Jerseylicious. Dudes – I’m not kidding. I want to dress like that and do my hair that high and use that much AquaNet and relive my glory days in neon clothing.

I confess that today I stayed in bed an extra half hour and it still wasn’t enough. It was raining. Windows open. Chilly. And Rambo is home so I was wrapped up in his arms and I refused to get up. I just said the hell with it. Life is short and that moment was perfect. I could have stayed in that spot all day and been one content woman. Funny thing is – I got to work the same time as always. I may be high maintenance but this girl can get ready in a hurry I tell you.

I confess that I bought a fake Co@ch purse online the other night. It’s not even because I don’t want to spend the money on a real Co@ch purse – it’s just that I really love this fake one’s design AND I don’t think Co@ch makes it for real. It’s coming from China – big surprise. I confess I’m secretly scared that any minute now my card company will call and say there’s $10,000.00 worth of fraudulent charges for rice and chopsticks on my Visa from some little guy in China who was restocking his store inventory.

I confess that I’m secretly pissed my new shoes have NOT arrived yet.

I confess that my evil-ness has backfired on me and I’m not nearly as smart as I think I am. The other night when Rambo wouldn’t shut up about wanting dessert later I stupidly said, “I’m going to work out now. If you work out too, then we can have dessert later.” Um yes. He worked out.

And me thinking that this was just a fluke win on my part said I’ll make you that deal daily – you work out and I’m in for dessert. How about we see if you can work out 7 days in a row and if you do you can have extra fun dessert on the 8th day? Talk about motivation right? (and NO – I have no idea what “extra” fun dessert means – I was bluffing people) Rambo is a busy guy with his three jobs and overtime and working at spaghetti suppers and all and working out every day is not in his schedule…until you dangle something extra fun in front of him.

I momentarily forget that his penis is the part of his body that enters into deals his stupid wife makes off the cuff without thinking. Let’s just say I’m in trouble. And I’ve got about 5 days to come up with a definition for “extra fun”. I have figured out the key to motivating him to work out. But I’m pretty sure I was the loser in this deal. Extra fun?

What the holy hell is that?

So yes – I confess – I am a whore. I have used my “wiles” to make a bargain. You can’t call me a slut though because no money is being exchanged. Yes, let’s go with that mmkkaayy?

Oh and I would ask for suggestions on what some "extra fun" could be but I have to admit I'm scared of what your "suggestions" might be.  LOL

Lastly, I confess that in the time it took me to write this – Explosive Man has gone to the bathroom twice. By now I realize he could have a medical condition but the evil twin inside of me that is named Satan – doesn’t give a damn. It remains G with a side order of ROSS (that spells gross for those of you who haven’t had your morning coffee yet). Ack and double ack.

16 comments:

Karen Butler Ogle said...

My husband would consider extra fun to be some thing special like a BJ. I can't believe I just typed that. Or maybe some new sexy lingerie. My husband loves that kind of thing.

Amanda said...

Yeah, what she said. Mine seems perfectly content with garden variety vanilla, so just about anything that moves outside the norm would probably be cause for peeling him off the ceiling.

Dammit Draz, now you've got me thinking...

Cat's Chic Chat said...

I've heard of something called a reverse cowgirl. It involves you on top and turned away from him so he can see your hrrrmm backside... Extra Special dessert. :)

I confess I also am upset about not getting to see sneak peeks of your new shoes. Also - post a pic of the new co@ach bag please!! : )

Laura Belle said...

I confess that I freaking want to give you a big smooch because you're so kick ass.

And i don't think you should be 'secretly' angry about anything that has to deal with shoes...especially not getting them! You better be callin' up that UPS dude every two minutes until he gets that package to your door! Cause that's what I would do. HeHeHe.

MandaPanda said...

I think your normal fun is probably more exciting than my "extra" fun but I'll throw some ideas out there (even though you specifically said you didn't want to ask) - BJ's, shower scene, a little role playing, a new location in the house, fun with toys, fun with food, fun with handcuffs (he works in a prison so he probably doesn't appreciate the novelty of handcuffs, huh?). OK...that's all I got this early in the morning.

P.S. I'd love to give that Rose a swift kick in the...

Stephanie said...

Extra fun...I think we have all used our feminine wiles to get what we want. We're no whores, just easy at manipulation!! :) How do you think I have 6 Coach purses and 3 trips to Hawaii in the last 5 years...LOL

Wendy said...

Mwwahaha...love the confessions.
I confess the reverse cowgirl makes me wonder how ...um the joy stick doesn't get broken off in the effort.

I also confess I would have eyed that child down a la jack byrnes. I may have even have made the hand gestures to give her the idea i would spread her between the garlic bread and toast her if she didn't watch out. But that is me and I am mean that way;) sometimes anyway.


OOhh...last thought you should show him an advertisment for those sex swings! i would love to see his face! like work out daily for so many weeks and you earn...

Joanna said...

LOVE the confessions!!

Reverse cowgirl?? Hmm...I'm also wondering how painful that would be.

I think you've got some great ideas - even though you didn't want them.. HA!!

I now feel like I have such a boring sex life - "extra fun" for him is a bj..that's it. Everything else is just...well...normal.

Maybe I should write some of these responses down!!

Shabby Chic Mom- Susie said...

I am a jerseylicious fanatic! Team Olivia!! and I so want to be a jersian? for a day!
I love the confessions!

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

I nominated you for an award on my page, check it out when you have time :)

Bringing Pretty Back said...

You kill me! Extra fun... hmmmm...
my hubby would be happy with a baked good. warm choc chip cookies out of the oven. hahha!
Have a pretty day!
Kristin

Dazee Dreamer said...

and now I want some homemade spaghetti. damn you woman.

Kerri said...

I just want to call you a SLUT!! Aren't all women whores? HA!!! Offer sex and men will do what we want!! ;)

Ice Queen said...

I think that you can handle the extra fun dessert just fine. And, since it's been so long since I had dessert, I have no ideas for you.

I do think that the next time that little skunk Rose tries to stare you down, you need to serve it right back to her with a heaping side order of "if looks could kill" daggers. That child needs to be taken down a peg or two. Rapidly. And she needs to learn very quickly that not only is in unacceptable for her to bully your daughter is as equally unacceptable for her to attempt to bully you. (Which is what her little stare down was all about.)

Can't wait to see your new shoes and bag. :D

Raven said...

I confess that I once met Bill Nye the Science Guy so I am SOOOO cool in your eyes, right??

Samanatha said...

hehe. I confess that there are many and frequent bargains in my house of dessert and extra fun dessert in my house. >.>