Well, actually let’s talk about sex numbers. And calm down – this isn’t going to be another triple X rated question and answer session like the BYOC that scared the crap out of everyone (including me). This is going to be a serious conversation even the most conservative hussy can enjoy.
I read an article yesterday about a sex challenge. The challenge is to have sex every day for one week. The author wasn’t too enthused. She is a busy career woman with kids and her husband has a hectic career too and they are tired and worn out and on and on and on. The thought of taking on the challenge – just saying she would try to do it – seemed daunting.
I felt myself being sad for a woman who cringed at the thought of 7 days of sex with her husband. And it wasn’t lack of love or want – it was time and exhaustion and a bazillion other things…and though I understood it…it made me sad.
That made me remember a time when I watched an Oprah show and a couple was on there who did it EVERY DAY. Every single God-forsaken day. Rain or shine. Full moon or eclipse. Messy house or bad day at work. Kids acting like the spawn of Satan or in-laws making surprise visits. Working late or the day off. Weekday or weekend. Wanting to poke his eyes out for leaving the toilet seat up or he remembered your anniversary. EVERY DAY.
Oprah – as well as everyone in the audience – was shocked. Like jaws to the floor – complete disbelief. How the hell can this be done?
The man and woman said it is who they are now. It is as normal as showering or kissing each other goodnight. It is how they both know they will end their day and they have never felt stronger or better or more connected. It is a commitment to each other they make every day…and they can’t imagine it any other way.
The author who talked about taking a 7 day challenge said she had many friends who took the challenge for a YEAR. I remember working with a girl who announced to all of us that her and her husband were going to have sex once a day for one month to improve their marriage. My co-worker didn’t have a great marriage, no connection, blah…and so making an effort to have sex every day was also an effort to “help” their marriage, “save” it, make it something it was not currently.
Does a marriage that is bliss need such a challenge? What could it possibly do for a couple like that?
The author made a good point. She said that although sex can require work before and during - *avoiding* sex is just as much work. A woman in the story kept herself busy, made herself unavailable by not going near her husband so he wouldn’t want her or get aroused, and made sure she stayed awake longer than him so that he would go to bed and fall asleep before she ever got to bed. There was a constant “tension” between them about making moves or not making moves, wanting it or being mad the other didn’t want it. Avoiding it and what avoiding it meant was as much, if not more work, than doing it.
I thought that was interesting. I think women especially go to great lengths NOT to have sex for numerous reasons. For me, if I don't wanna do it, I say that. I don't have the energy to avoid. And for me - my head always wants to do it...it's my body who thinks differently sometimes.
I’m not sure avoiding it on purpose would be possible anyway. Like I said before – I don’t do my hair or put on makeup on the weekends and I sometimes spend the whole day in Rambo’s boxers and a tank with no bra on. I am the picture of beauty and yet sex is almost a guarantee on those days. I can’t figure it out. Maybe I should try giving a damn and wearing a formal dress all day and see what happens.
Anywhoozle, being a woman I have had candid conversations with other women about how often they do it and I’ve seen other women internally flinch when they realize other people are doing it more or other women want it more. Like somehow we measure our relationships by the magic number of times we have sex or don’t have sex.
I suppose it is a pretty good indicator…but there are so many factors beyond that. I mean I knew a married couple who had sex A LOT and no lie – watched porn every night before bed like other people watch Jay Leno before they turn out the light. They were very sexual and into swinging and very vocal about the kind and amount of sex they had.
Listening to them could make a lot of other couples wonder what they were missing or what they were doing wrong or why they weren’t that interested or doing it that much or trying new things like this couple was…….
…..and then the couple divorced. A bitter, terrible, hateful divorce….the swinging went too far and emotions got involved and the sex between them had simply been sex for a long time. There wasn’t a lot of commitment or love behind it – even though there was lots of it. And today if you ask them – they regret a lot of their sexual activities.
So more doesn’t mean better, in my opinion. What do you think?
Could you take on a 7 day challenge or does the thought of it make you want to vomit? How about a year? Should we want to? Is that normal? Who dictates what is “normal”? Are you jealous or envious of people who do it often?
I’m just curious…it’s a good discussion whether you’re conservative or very open…it’s food for thought for sure.
And wouldn’t it be interesting to hear a man answer these questions? I think I might ask Rambo about a challenge. Then again, why bother asking when I already know the answer. He is male after all.