Thursday, May 26, 2011

Skin and scars...and the journey.

I have a question. How the heck are you guys able to comment on my blog when I can’t comment on yours? Not being able to comment feels like I’ve lost my left arm! Whenever the commenting thing is fixed – I’m so going back and commenting and I wanted you all to know that.


Now – onto the good stuff. I’m so “worked up” about this – I can’t even type fast enough. Remember how I said I read Dr. Phil’s show every day online? OMG – do any of you do that? (Just go to his website and click on shows and videos and then click on shows this week and go to today’s show)

Today there is a woman on there who had gastric bypass surgery and lost over 150 pounds. She was originally 300 lbs.

She’s in love with her best friend and he was in love with her UNTIL they were going to have sex and he saw her naked and then he outright told her he can’t be in love with her, can’t have sex with her and will date other women who he is not disgusted by. He says if not for her skin she’d be almost perfect for him…that he’s never connected with another woman mentally like he does her.

Of course, she has looked into plastic surgery and the cost is high but this guy is worried about giving her the money for it. (Big surprise) Why? Oh because once the skin is gone – he’s afraid he’ll find the scars disgusting. OR – he’s afraid the surgery will work too good and she’ll leave him for someone hotter.

Wowser. Now let me say this. I do appreciate his honesty and his ability to outright tell her the truth about how he feels BUT I do not appreciate the fact that even with the skin gone – he’d still not love her like she deserves. He already is finding something else to not love her about – BEFORE the surgery is even done.

I can’t really say how bad scars are from plastic surgery because the scars from my breast reduction and tummy tuck are pretty much nonexistent. My tummy tuck cut was right along my c-section cut so no matter what I had a tiny line there. My breast reduction scars are barely visible and you’d never know I had surgery.

What I want to ask this guy is what if he falls in love with a Barbie and they have kids and she has a c-section and a scar from that? Will he leave her because his eyes find that disgusting? What if she cuts her leg open in an accident and gets a nasty scar? Or God forbid was burned in some type of accident?

How about if the tables turned and he got burned or had an operation that scarred him? Oh I want to wring his little shallow neck….though I know he’s just being honest – I hate his feelings. And it’s not like he’s some supermodel himself.

I get it – I do. I get that she hates looking at herself – but isn’t that enough pain to bear for one person? I mean I hated my ginormous boobs and I hated the skin that hung on my stomach that I could pick up by handfuls BUT the one consolation I had was a man who stood behind me when I was crying about how hideous I looked – who would stand there and put my face in his hands and tell me he’d never seen anyone so beautiful in all his life and he wouldn’t change a thing. And even if I wanted to – I couldn’t doubt the sincerity in his words…I could see he meant it – even when I couldn’t see that about myself.

Underneath the clothing – there was still the same love and support and lust – and I can’t imagine carrying the burden of feeling like a prisoner in my own skin AND knowing the man I loved hated my body too.

When I had my surgeries – I knew with 100% certainty I was doing it for ME. Only me. Something I rarely did. Rambo didn’t need me to have surgery. I didn’t need it to improve our love or marriage or sex life. I needed it because it was the finish line in the marathon I had been running for years. It was the like a lawyer going to school for years – and then finally passing the bar.

I mean - can you imagine that someone going to school to be that lawyer and then finishing school with no intention of taking the bar? Can you imagine training and running a marathon and stopping right before the finish line and never crossing it? That’s how keeping my stomach skin felt to me….like an unfinished journey.

The skin on me wasn’t me any longer. That was the old me – someone I barely knew now. And for me – I had to get it gone. It was a constant reminder of how badly I had treated my health and body…and my tiny scar is a reminder to never do that again.

I know the man on the show cannot help that his eyes find hanging skin disgusting. I get that. But for me – I think it’s his excuse. I think it’s his ticket out of never having to marry her or love her or commit. That’s the part I wish she never had to hear – him blaming her skin as the reason he can’t love her properly.

Her surgery will not be easy. My tummy tuck was in the top 5 of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Harder than both of my 24 hour long childbirth labors – one without drugs and one ending in a c-section. A full body lift and a thigh lift is 10x the recovery and pain and I guarantee you at some point in her recovery she will regret it. There’s a time when the swelling, recovery, loss of stamina, inability to exercise, and pain get to be too much and you regret and you secretly think, “My God – I could have lived with the skin”.

But even with that fleeting regret – that’s all it was – fleeting….because I was confident in my decision and I had made peace with doing it for me and I knew the regret was temporary. When she’s in that regret stage – she’s going to also feel like he made her do this and she did this for him and I bet he won’t be there to help her during recovery like she thought and she’ll slowly begin to wonder if he was worth it.

All I know is I could have come out of my surgery with additional skin sewed onto my body and Rambo wouldn’t have given a damn. Knowing that I could come out of there botched up to the high heavens – and he’d still hold my hand as I walked out of there – was just another reason I knew I wasn’t doing this for him.

The journey. This surgery. The recovery. The money. The pain. The fleeting regret. All of it. Was mine.

And I’m proud of that.

I hope this woman finds peace once her skin is off….and I hope she finds love. Real honest to goodness love.

300 lbs, 150 lbs, taut skin, hanging skin, scars or no scars – it doesn’t matter. Every person on this Earth should get to feel they are beautiful and get to feel unconditional love.

Even the guy on Dr. Phil today who I want to punch in the face.  I hope I'm wrong about him.  I hope he is there for her in her recovery and finally accepts her and finds her beautiful and tells her that. 

Mostly I just hope he can finally admit that he wants to play the field, he's not into marriage and it's never been about her skin....

12 comments:

Angela Pea said...

Amen.

Laura Belle said...

Wow. I was drooling two minutes ago (about your shoe post) now i've got tears in my eyes. You are exactly right and you are so lucky to have a great man like Rambo.

That douchebag on the show needs to grow up. And that poor women needs to wake up.

(PS: I'm using Mozilla Firefox instead of Internet Explorer to put comments down. Don't know why it works better, because computers and I just don't understand each other...but it works.)

Great, great, great post!

FitBy40 said...

I'm going to have to read or watch the show because I am dying to hear what Dr. Phil said to that dumbass! I'm all ticked off now!

Dazee Dreamer said...

oh my god. I saw the promo for that this morning and was so pissed how some people are.

Comments were a blogger problem. I was all sorts of pissed off that I wasn't able to comment either.

Fuck, its happening again. you can always comment as Name/URL Not a good day

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

Sorry the dude is a douche bag! Congrats to her on losing all that weight but if she wants plastic surgery done she needs to do it for herself not anyone else like you said. I am giving myself another year to work out and tone and see how far I can get and if in a year I am still not satisfied with where I am at I might consider plastics. My husband could care less either he loved me at my highest weight and loves me where I am at now, with extra skin and all. I am thankful for him because not all women have that.

Amanda said...

I use Firefox also -- maybe that's why I can comment?

And what Sarah said. The dude on Dr. Phil is a douche.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I'm sorry you can't comment, Draz. That would drive me crazy. When I had issues with Blogger I couldn't even read blogs or post myself. It was maddening.

My question about the idiot on Dr. Phil's show is why does the woman still want him. He is an asshat and should be kicked to the curb immediately. I bet he is fugly too and has some kind of image in his mind of deserving only super models. I hate that kind of attitude.

Cat's Chic Chat said...

Have to agree with Laura Belle here, I was just drooling over your shoes, now I'm hear literally with tears in my eyes about this post. I absolutely love that my man loves me as I am. The only thing he wants for me is my health and happiness. He enjoys my body at it's current size and we have regular dessert.

This guy truly doesn't realize what he has in his "Best Friend" if some damn skin is going to make him shy away from her. A$$!!!

MandaPanda said...

That guy sucks and I hope Dr. Phil told him that. Ugh. Some men just suck.

Ronnie said...

Fuck that guy. He doesn't deserve that beautiful woman. :(

If a man ever treated ME like that, you better believe he'd be gone.

Stephanie said...

As I type, I am in the middle of the single worst pain I have ever been in from the neck lift and the accompaning migraine I have right now. If I had a gun, I would have put myself out of my misery.

But I don't regret having it done. I did this for me. Not for my husband, not for my daughter, but for myself and to complete all that I accomplished.

This guy sounds like a total douche. She doesn't deserve to feel less than perfect because he has issues.

That makes me mad!!!

diane said...

I hope she dumps his ass because he's the kind of guy that wouldnt stick by her if she had some disfigurement from a car accident, or breast cancer, etc. That's the 'for better or worse" part of the marriage vows so its better she knows now.