Thursday, June 2, 2011

Commando + flowers.

It’s totally a gumdrop farting, skittle bathing day around these parts today. Tonight I go see my tattoo artist for a new design and tomorrow I only work about 2.5 hours then get my nails done and then pick up my daughter from her last day of school! AND get this?? Rambo has the weekend off! YIPPEE! We’re hoping to go see a movie and act like 15 year olds making out in the last row.


Let it be known that my entire house is a tornado, I have sore feet and a to do list a mile long but I could care less. I’m like an ostrich in complete denial with my head in the sand and my big fat feather-y ass up in the air for all of you to see. Oh and if you were indeed looking that would be a naked ass. Yup – I’m going commando today.

Now before you go calling me a floozy…I have a reason. I have on a white dress today. A little Old N@vy shift dress and it has a little slip under it but I just didn’t want ANY underwear lines so I went without. Have you guys ever done that? I mean I feel like I have the world’s biggest secret under my dress. Really, it’s just a plain old vagina but I feel like I’m committing some crime.

Or that for sure I’ll get in an accident on the way home and they’ll have to cut my clothes off and instead of dirty underwear like our mamas always warned us about – the EMTs will all gasp and say, “Shitballs – she’s not wearing ANY underwear. What do we do now?”

I went to the bathroom – walked in there – lifted my dress up and sat my un-underweared ass right down. Do you know how weird that feels to not have to deal with underwear? Seriously – don’t laugh – until you try it. It’s some crazy shiz.

To be sure to counteract my lack of underwear accessories under my dress, I added an accessory on the outside. I put a flower in my hair so therefore I am balanced. My inner chi is A-OK.  You may all sit Indian style and meditate now. You can even chant if you want.

I’d also like to report that I had “the talk” with Rambo about the depth of my social “issues”. We went on a 4 mile walk last night so it was the perfect time he couldn’t get away. I survived. Might even have learned a thing or two…stay tuned for that edge of your seat bore you to death post.

BYOC tomorrow…anyone got any good questions you want asked???

I must go. The pizza Gods have just delivered a cheesy orgasm in a box.

Tootles!

23 comments:

Leslie said...

You are a brave, brave lady. I could NEVER go without underwear in public! Ahhhh. The thought sends me into a panic.

Laurie said...

If we are sitting Indian style, should we wear underwear?
I LOVE going commando, only do it with running shorts, but just love it.

Kelly said...

I was chugging my water while reading this & I almost spit it out from laughing! Great post!

Cat's Chic Chat said...

I go commando with my bike shorts. Sometimes with PJ bottoms. Never ever ever at work though. I salute you my friend. You are so very brave. I love that the flower balances out that you have no panties : )

Have a fabulous weekend!!

Beth Ann said...

I have gone commando before, but never in a dress! WOW! I think that is mighty brave!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I go commando in my nightshirts out to mailbox every day. Does that count? I'm sure the neighbors can see my ass shining through the fabric. Doesn't bother enough though to make me want to wear undies.

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

I go commando with pants, but not a dress, if I have to bend over and pick something up, I don't want my butt to eat my dress! That and the fact that I'm from the South and feel an obligation to wear a girdle everytime I leave the house in a dress!

Becca55 said...

lol this post and the comments made my day :) you ladies crack me up. I don't think I could ever go commando I need a Fart filter. too much gas for me to even think about it. Besides I sometimes wear Thongs and quickly take them off lol.

Laura Belle said...

I almost spit out my huge gulp of water when I read the title of your blog. I mean, it nearly came outta my nose. {you are so funny}.
-Have I ever gone commando: nope, never.
-Would I ever go commando in a dress: Hell the F no! People would see my hoo-ha when I bend over (at least i'd be scared to death they would see it.)

You are my hero for your bravery today in the commando department.

Sarah G said...

No going commando for me. Things are a too bit *AH-HEM* dewy around those parts to be left out in the open like that. You are brave, my dear!

Justawallflower said...

I also love going commando. I don't think I have ever done it at work, but maybe I'll try. And then send my husband a text letting him know......

good for you having the talk!

Remember what happened last time you asked for BYOC input, I can't wait to see the questions tomorrow! ;)

Mrs. Pancakes said...

you have such a way with words...your last words

Sandy Lee said...

Wow, you posted too fast with this one. I had the bestest comment for your post yesterday but completely forgot. Was in a bit of a low period last night so missed commenting. Yeah! I can comment again without the agony of logging on and off numerous times.

Anyway, I got a (real) coach purse in PA. And Barbara got two (real) ones. Real ones. One of hers is teal and matched a top she wore. She was smashing. Are you jealous, little purse whore. I bought my first pair of heals, you little shoe whore. I only own 3 pairs of shoes now. You are my hero.

But I have a real coach purse. Not from China or anything. I have so much to learn from you guys.

Read said...

OMG OMG I'm so proud of you for talking to Rambo. I swear I was totally going to send you a little nudge of an email about it. I can't wait to hear all about it!

Raven said...

woohoo! your weekend sounds awesome! tattoo artist? LOVE me some tattoos. I only have about seven right now. But you would never know from how clean cut and good to shoes I look ;)

Dazee Dreamer said...

wow you are very, very brave. I would feel so naked. oh wait, you kind of were.

Raven said...

did I just write that? I meant goodie two shoes...geesh

Stephanie said...

Now the question is, is Rambo going to be touching YOUR "inner chi" now that you're having panties free Thursday?

I've so had commando days. It's freeing!!

bbubblyb said...

This made me laugh lol I am just not that brave but I guess it's better than the sexy undies that ride up your butt lol. Glad Rambo has the weekend off, hope you have a great time at the movies *wink wink*.

MizFit said...

I live in a hothot climate
HOTHOTHOT.

you do the commando math :)

AutumnLeaves said...

Oh my! I dare you to try sitting Indian style while going commando! LOLOLOL I suspect Rambo might be panting at the whole idea. One of my co-workers says she think her vagazzle undboutedly looks like raw hamburger meat after 4 kids. Nice image, eh???? I'm too much of a prude to ever go skivvy-less.

Joanna said...

Just when I think there's not anything else that you could do to make you more of my hero...you pull COMMANDO???

Really? You have got some balls...well, you don't.. but uncovered vagazzle is just as good.

I'm such a tom-boy..even in a dress..it would take about 3.4 seconds for me to flash someone a big shot of vagazzle or cottage cheese ass.

Also, not really sure I could pull off commando, in a dress, in a classroom!! It's bad enough if I accidently let a little underwear show when I'm sitting on the carpet..LOL

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

I literally had to clamp my hand over my nouth to keep my giggles in. (I'm at work. Laughing at work is frowned upon.)

I am totoally following you!