Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I confess....

I confess…that I love doing these confession thingys….so let’s get on with it – shall we?


I confess….that I am almost 30 years old (if you believe that, I have some land to sell you) and I work in a professional building that does 99% of its work for the government and yet…I purchased feather extensions for my hair – to like – wear - daily. I can’t help it. Remember me? I’m the one with charms in my fingernails. What’s a little feather or two? If you haven’t seen them or don’t know what I’m talking about – google it – you will soooo want them for yourself.

• I confess….that I love summer the most because of the way my girls smell when they come home from the sitters. They smell like summer – and sunscreen and beach and chlorine and themselves all wrapped in one. You can find me with my nose shoved in one of their necks inhaling like an addict inhales paint fumes most any night of the week. Yes, they think their mother is insane. Aren’t they lucky?

• I confess…I’m a butt snob. Or something like that. I think I hate other people’s butts because I know what comes out of them and I have an extreme aversion to poo. So my new pet peeve or annoyance is when one of the IT guys or someone has to come sit in my office chair at work to fix something on my computer and I sit down after them and the seat is warm. It’s like I’m sitting in their butt heat….aka butt germs. I hate it. Butt germs are about as fun as scooping rhino poo with a spoon. No thanks buddy. Keep your ass heat in your own chair.

• I confess… that I feel like an ass for running in 100 degree weather and then needing IVs. Rambo may never let me go out again unless the temp is under 70.

• I confess…that I nearly died while on my run the other night…and it wasn’t from the heat. I run in town – houses everywhere, no thick grass or forests – and yet? A snake. Yup – I said the S word. It’s almost as nasty as the P words, isn’t it? I stopped in my dead in my tracks mid-run and stood in the sidewalk like I couldn’t jump over it or go around it….and um…did I mention it was dead? I stood there a good 15 seconds deciding what to do and then I did the only adult thing there is to do. I made a huge circle around the tiny dead snake and ran on and kept looking back to see if the “dead” snake was following me. I'm so mature.

I confess…I almost drank a spider this morning. In my glass after brushing my teeth my eye noticed something….which was a spider almost going into my mouth. Snakes, spiders and poo – it’s my life in a nutshell. I know you want to be me.

• I confess….that one of the best days of my life was 15 years ago today….when I married Rambo. I was barely old enough to drink but I had never been more sure of anything in my entire life.

• I confess…that when the little old lady nurse saw me laying in the hospital bed with an IV in my arm and 5 inch leopard heels on and she gave me a look like I had just come in off my shift on the corner – that I wanted to poke out her eye with said heel. I might have looked like death on a bed but damn if my shoes weren’t hot. Eat that granny.

• I confess…I want to pretend I play tennis…just so I can wear those cute sporty skirts they wear. I swear I won’t even go commando if you let me wear them.

• I confess…when the nurse told me to take my shirt and bra off yesterday that I almost said, “Um honey…migraines are in heads – not in nipples. I don’t think it’s necessary to whip out the big guns if you know what I mean.” What the what?

• I confess…when the doctor asked Rambo, “Who are you?” and Rambo said, “I’m her latin lover, her husband is in the car….should I go give him an update?” – I nearly died of embarrassment. Thank God the doc had a sense of humor and laughed.

* I confess...that I had 500 followers yesterday and today I have 499 and I'd like someone to follow me twice just so there aren't two freaking odd numbered 9s in my follower list.  Can you say OCD? 

That’s about all my tiny brain can confess for one day……..and probably way more than you wanted to hear……

So…..what do you confess today?

27 comments:

Dawnya said...

Happy Anniversary!! Congratulations on making it 15 blissful years. Marriage is the hardest job on this earth.

You are hilarious...and so is Rambo. I love it. You should have told that nurse you just left her husband and he wanted her to pay off his debt. LOL

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Good confession. I lost a follower too but don't know who it was. Odd numbers bug me too so I'm going to pretend that I don't notice my followers list anymore. Ewww on the spider. I HATE spiders. I had a traumatic incident with one when I was young and now they petrify me. Yikes!

Wishing you a good day, Draz.

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

Did you go running in your heels? haha Aww, glad you are better.

I love tennis skirts and dresses too. (I don't play worth a damn.) Of course, my real preference is for a diamond tennis bracelet.

That's awesome that you and Rambo have been married for 15 years. Wow! Good job!

Laura Belle said...

I almost stopped reading at the spider 'confession'. I didn't know if I could continue. Now i'm going to be thinking of spiders in glasses all day.

Congrats on 15 years! I only hope I don't murder Ryan in his sleep before we get to that point. (We're only on year 1.67 BTW.)

Rambo's 'Italian lover' comment is hilarious!

(And that granny nurse needs to recognize that her white crocs are NOT the norm and leopard print is.)

Liz said...

Happy Anniversary!!!

Banded Mommy (Angie) said...

15 years! That is awesome.
I confess...I hope my husband and I can make it that long...
I confess...I read every blog that you write in hopes that we don't see another bully blog. I secretly want to punch that little girls mom in the face for you that way you can just say that you don't know who finally bitch slapped some sense into her... :)

Losing It said...

First off.. happy anni!

Second, I'm so glad I'm not the only one that loves the smell of their child after a day of being sunscreened, chlorined, bug sprayed and whatever else they do.

Beth Ann said...

I feel the same way about butt heat...ugh! Happy aniversary, friend!

Juli's Journey said...

I love your confessions, especially the one about smelling your kids. Just typing that seems oddly weird, but I LOVE the smell of my kids. I mean, I could have written that confession word for word. LOVE IT!!!

Leslie said...

Who would dare to stop following you? Pfft!

Happy Anniversary!!!

Why is it they always make you strip down at the doctor/er/whatever when whatever is going on is not nipple related!? I hate that, I protest when they make me.

Ms. M said...

I confess that when I only have time to read one blog in a day it is YOURS! Okay, even when I don't have time... like today... I still come read yours. LOL

Happy Anniversary! Does Rambo get "special" dessert tonight?

Dazee Dreamer said...

Oh god, your snake confession was classic. And hell, Rambo, I love him. Can I borrow him for comic relief sometime?

Who dareth unfollow you. They are truly scum. Not to be confused with bum, which holds the......

Bringing Pretty Back said...

Happy Anniversary!!! I love anniversaries! LOVE EM!
Butt Heat! That took me out!!!! FUNNY!!
Latin lover - FUNNY!!! That took me out too! Great fun confesstions!!!
Have a PRETTY day in your hair feathers!
Kristin

Red Riding Hood said...

You know what's worse than Butt heat on an office chair? Butt heat on the toilet seat! EEwww. I hate it when sit on a toilet seat at work or out somewhere at it is still warm. Bleh.

Happy Anniversary!!! My Hubby and I are heading for our first and I am really looking forward to it.

Cat said...

Hi you! Happy happy anniversary! G and I just celebrated about a month ago now.

I too want to know why you were in the hospital bed in 5" leopard heels?? Weren't you dying of heat stroke and should have had sneakers on? Or are you so damn bad ass that you RUN in leopard heels? : )

I love love love following your blog and cannot understand how someone could unfollow you. Though I completely understand the need to have it be on a number not 9. I am a 5s and 0s girl myself. 10, 15, 20, 25, 450, 500 all good. 499 not good. : (

Joanna said...

I confess that I'm totally in love with your blog - and know that after the day I've had, I can come home...read it...and feel 100% better knowing my day did not consist of poo, snakes, or spiders.

No Latin lovers, either - damn it!!

Sarah G said...

Happy Anniversary!

I tried to follow you again but Blogger wouldn't let me. Sorry. ;)

MandaPanda said...

Happy Anniversary to you and Rambo!

I would totally freak if I almost swallowed a spider! I'm double checking my cup now just thinking about it.

Linda said...

Happy anniversary- marriage is hard and that's a huge achievement. I totally missed that you went to the ER yesterday, I hope you are feeling better. xoxoLinda

Dizzy Girl said...

I'm confessing that I love you...

:)

Ms. Chunky Chick said...

Happy Anniversary!
I confess that even though I don't post daily I am striving to be as strong as you are in so many aspects. And that you are an amazing person!

Bridget said...

Happy Anniversary! I don't like sitting in warm seats, it's like sitting in someone's lap...ick.

Ewwww at the spider and snake...ewwww

Kelly said...

I confess that I can't stand red roses - I much prefer peach or yellow ones. I confess that I could never wear 5 inch heels like you do because they would just cut my feet to shreds. I confess that I'm digging your blog more & more! And Happy Anniversary!

AutumnLeaves said...

You always make me smile and laugh, Draz. Thank you for that.

Ronnie said...

501 today! Woohoo!

Raven said...

i LOVE IT! I am 30 years old, and NOT very happy about it, and I am getting feather extensions in my hair this week for the britney concert next week haha!! how is THAT for being a 30 year old??

you hate my butt?? that makes me so sad.

and DON'T get me started on snakes.

Justawallflower said...

Oh my, I love your husband!!!! To freaking funny! And I was gonna go follow you again, but your at 504 now, so I think your good! And I bet the granny nurse was just wondering where she could get such awesome shoes!