Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I'm so over you.

Last night I knew with every fiber of my being that NOT doing a marathon was
the right decision for me right now.

You see, I haven't run in a while...which is odd for me. 
I "loved" to run as much as Michael Jackson loved to grab his crotch. 
But I stopped.

Because every time I ran I felt like I "had" to - because I was training.

Which meant every time that I didn't run - I was NOT training - which meant I was failing.

Yes, hold your applause.  Enter me - completely all or nothing girl.
I don't know why I fight it.  It is who I am.

I just can't sort of train or maybe do a marathon or maybe not.

It's DO or DON'T.  There is no in between.

So I went out for a walk last night. 
I strapped on the gear -  
(Polar HRM, MP3, handheld water bottle, running waist pack with cell phone and headphones)
 - and I was off. 
I was ONLY going to walk brisklyI wasn't requiring myself to do any more than that.

Until I started running. 

And smiling like some idiot who just won the lottery.


Because suddenly - in that moment - I remembered how good it felt to run simply because I could.

Because I wanted to.

Because my legs were strong enough to carry me.

Because my lungs had enough air capacity.

Because my muscles could take me up that hill.

Because I lost my head in the music.

Because I had no distance I "had to" run.

Because I didn't even notice the traffic.

Because the sun was shining.

Because it felt good.

To run - for no reason at all - other than it felt good.

I sit here.  Done with my run.  Sweating buckets.  Happy as hell.

I ran because I wanted to....just like I used to.

Which leaves me with only one thing left to say.

I'm so over you.

So tell me - when's the last time you did something you love just because you could?


MizFit said...

this weekend.
I danced like a FOOOOL.
because I could and my body would.

AutumnLeaves said...

Last night...when I ate BBQ chips and a diet Coke for dinner.

Leslie said...

This is a great post and it makes me want to go out for a walk, which I have failed to do the last two mornings. Thank you for that reminder.

Banded Mommy (Angie) said...

Not sure when the last time that was. I am a pleaser...I make everyone else happy before myself and it is something I have to stop. I guess I could say I went for a 3 mile walk the other day and sweat my ass off... I love walking by myself and no one bugging me. Great post. Your body tells you what it wants to do that is why we need to listen to them more often :)

Ronnie said...

When I was walking around in heels this weekend for hours because I wasn't too fat to wear/balance on them anymore. :)

Cat said...

I love this post. I absolutely love that you found joy in your running again. I want to learn to run but I'm concerned about my knees and joints. I will definately try running maybe after I get to Onederland, but for now the elliptical does the trick. :)

*heart you*

Laura Belle said...

I love running now. Who woulda thought?! It just feels so good.

I tried to run last night just for 'fun' but my body decided to take the geezer route and not work properly. So I went home instead, and worked on pictures. That was fun.

Glad you got your running mojo back!!

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

THAT is the way to workout -- for the freedom and enjoyment of it.

I am going to tell you something that marathoners might not tell you...

Apparently, running that kind of distance can cause uncontrollable bladder/bowel issues during and/or immediately after the race.

You're welcome. ;) haha

~Lisa~ said...

I love this post!! I could almost feel your physical and emotional sense of accomplishment - your joy - in your words.. Thank YOU for the motivation boost that I need today!

Dizzy Girl said...

Ran 4 miles last night. It felt amazing. I forgot how cleansing and calming it is for my soul...and it sounds like it's the same for you. Good job babe- xoxoxo

Joanna said...

I've missed running...it's my one thing I LOVE to do. I haven't done it in over a week because of the heat - or because I felt like I had to for exercise.

I'm changing that, today...and I'm going to run tonight!!

Sarah G said...

Yesterday when I ran with out the Bridge to 10k program bossing me around. :)

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Too long ago to remember. I really need to work on doing things just because I want to do them and not because of a real reason. It is difficult at the moment though as there is just not anything I really want to do. A pitiful lack of motivation here. Sigh.

MandaPanda said...

Great post! It makes me want to go run...but I'm not going to...because it's 115 out today and I would die. BUT, but but I'm running with you in spirit!

PS_Iloveyou said...

You are Inspiring!

Laurie said...

This was perfect in so many ways. First of all I laugh every time I have to strap on all my gear, it's a freakin' run for G-d's sake.
And, for me it is all or nothing...don't tell me I have to do it...I surely won't.
And, I started off on a walk SO many times and it turned into a run...I tell you, I could have written this....

Christy @ My Dirt Road Anthem: A Runner's Blog said...

I like to run completely gearless sometimes to remind myself of the joys of running, because I do love it so. I think you made the right decision. It isn't worth running a marathon if you hate the training so much.