Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Ima gonna and Ima gonna not.


Two decisions. One is a yay and one is a nay. Neither came easily. Neither came without a shitload of heavy thinking, researching and calculating – and even berating myself at times.

Let me be clear. While these two things seem immense and hugely earth shattering and mind blowing to me – they indeed are not. If you’re thinking I’m going to say I’m having a penis sewn to my thigh so I can think and act like a man all day and not have to do my hair - you’re gonna be disappointed. And you’re gonna be bored with what I really have to say.

Here it is: I’m not running a ½ marathon anymore. Not this year anyway.

I just can’t wrap my brain around it. And yes – everything I say now is completely and definitely an excuse that I have justified into reasons but whatever – sue me.

There isn’t time for training. (Yes, I’m aware there are women with more in their lives than me who are indeed training.) Like this weekend. I worked 22 hours at a tat convention. That was meant to be a long run day in my schedule. How could I have worked that in – for realz?

Then there are stupid things – like the little lizard tat I got. I never even once thought about what the tat meant for training. Foot tats swell and you’re not supposed to cover them. (I'm pretty sure real runners think of these things BEFOREhand.)  How should I run without my tennies on? Riddle me that.

And did I ever tell you that I believe in signs – no matter how small they are? Well, I bought a marathon book a while ago and I only read a little of it but loved it and knew I’d use it to train when I eventually ran my marathon. The book is gone. Nowhere. Like up and disappeared. I have spent HOURS looking for it and I never lose things. I feel like it’s a sign – or maybe I want it to be.

My heart isn’t in it. I’m not sure my life would change in any way by saying I did it this year vs. later in life. I don’t even know why I wanted to do it in the first place. And I don’t want to do it alone. I know there will be shitloads of people and registering and all that – and my social anxiety will nearly kill me in a place like that – so I’m afraid to do it alone but no one I know wants to join me. I can’t even blame them.

Right now – there are just too many reasons not to. I’m sorry if I’ve let any of you down. I’m only slightly disappointed in myself so that tells me I made the right decision.

Yes, sometimes I DO think of myself as Sleeping Beauty.  Let's try not to dwell on it, mmkkaayy?

Now onto the fun new thing I AM going to do. Please try not to throw stones and whip pitchforks at me. I honestly feel good about this.


Rambo and I are going to try that thing that starts with an “N” and rhymes with Putrisystem.

First off – I’m sick of cooking for a whole week and I’m even sick of grocery shopping. I’m sick of anything that has to do with food really. Sick of counting, logging, making food lists – all of it. I’d even hire someone to chew for me if there was such a thing. I want to not think about food.

(Yes I realize I’m being stupid – in that at some point I’ll have to go back to all of this. I know that. I’m just admitting I need a break for today)

I did the research and there is a ½ off sale right now so by doing NS vs what I normally budget for groceries – we SAVE money. How cool is that? The only things my kids eat are noodles and bread so I’ll still have to buy that…and I believe we can add in veggies and fruits too.

I haven’t been successful enough on my own in getting off these last pounds to get to goal and I admit – I want food prepared and ready for me for every meal. I want to pretend some chef in Italy got my requests and put on his best apron and prepared each one special for me. (Yes, I realize that in truth some kid in the Bronx put on his doo-rag and probably spit in every one of my meals)

I know BUTTLOADS of people who have done this and loved it and done well and kept it off. While I know it’s true many gain it back after stopping eating the NS food – I am determined to not let that happen to me.

I can cancel at any time. If I would have had to go out and get a 4th job to do this – there’s no way I would have done it. But for me – since it actually is less than my grocery budget – I wanted to try it.

I’ll give you a weekly review and maybe snap some pics for you. If you’re still reading my blog anyway.

I can admit I can’t do this myself…these last pounds. I’m too tired and worn out and sick of thinking about it 24/7. I just want a break from it and NS felt like a break to me.

Soooo – are ya still with me?

I hope so.
I just wanna be like Marie...fuschia Marie...NOT donkey turd brown Marie.  Just so we're clear.

28 comments:

Amanda said...

I did NS and I liked the food pretty well! The desserts were not my thing but then again I don't eat desserts! It has been ages so I am sure the food as totally improved since then too!

Ahhh..who cares about the marathon. Your choice anyway! But lay into yourself to much about it. You are one busy chick!

Justawallflower said...

For sure, let me know what you think about NS. I would love to try it, but am nervous! I agree with Amanda, you are one crazy busy lady, and who cares if you don't do the marathon this year.

Chubby McGee said...

I'm still with you. I would never look down on a fellow weight-loss blogger simply based on his/her decisions. I don't judge.

You do what you need to do to get healthy. If it doesn't work out, try, try again. It's called a "journey" anyway. Right? :)

Jody V said...

Good luck with Nutrisystem! Friends of mine did well and loved it!

Ronnie said...

I'm jealous you're doing NS, if I could afford it I would! I think all of us understand the time element of not being able to do the marathon... and losing the book definitely was a bad omen. :/ That's just crazy cakes.

Ronnie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Losing It said...

About the 1/2 marathon, you have no reason to explain yourself honestly. I think the disappointment you feel is evident, but don't let it drag you down. You also need to know your limits. If it's not the right time, it's not. There is always another 1/2 marathon out there for you. You'll enjoy it more when you WANT and are READY to do it.

Good luck with the Nutrisystem. I hope it works and gets you down where you want to be!

Bonnie said...

You will do it when your ready....who give's a fuck anyways what other people think?

Your doing great, you look great, and now your giving NS a shot!!!....that's all that really matters

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I wish you luck with the NS. It didn't work out for me. The food has a high soy content and that didn't sit well. I couldn't keep the food down and I thought the taste was horrible. That is just me though. I know other people who have loved it. I will be wishing you the best of luck with it. Hang in there.

Cat said...

I did NS. It was too expensive long term. You do have to provide your own produce and dairy. Best of luck with that.
I also think that you need to not worry about any of US being disappointed in your decision not to run. It's your body and your decision and your personal goals. We all adore you and are going to support your decisions you make! :) *heart u*

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

What's wrong with Nutrisystem? I totally feel your need to have someone prepare food for you. It's a pain. Go for it!

Laura Belle said...

Marathon-Schmarathon. Who gives a monkey's butt. It'll be ok, just concentrate on what YOU want to do right now. Do some yoga...barefoot. do some pilates. Do some crunches. It'll all be Okaay-Doekaay.

NS sounds fun. I get ya on the no cooking thang. Ryan's been gone during the week and it's been nice. I can't wait to hear about it!!

Keep up the good work!! You'll lose those pounds in no time (even w/o the marathon).

Liz said...

If your heart isn't in the marathon, then you're better off waiting. I think it's completely realistic to recognize that, and you're making a good call.

And as far as the NS goes, they're all tools. I know what you mean about not wanting to think about food, or preparing it, or any of it. I get so tired of figuring out what i am going to eat every day. If there was something I could do to make the concept of eating obsolete, I would consider it!!!

Joanna said...

If I lost blog followers everytime I said I would do something - and then didn't..I would be in the negatives!!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not doing it - it's your life, your choice. Period.

I'm also jealous you're getting to do NS. I'd love to try it - but Hubby does most of the cooking around here, and he'd feel a little put out... got to think about his feelings, right?

I can't wait to hear how it goes. :)

Debi said...

There is not a thing in the world wrong with either of those things!

I believe in signs as well ... mostly because one time in my life I chose NOT to listen to the signs being screamed at me and I paid dearly for it. So from then on, I listen. I don't care who thinks it is crazy. They aren't inside my head.

And girl, I am so right there with you on wanting to not think about food 24/7. I think it is fantastic to do NS for a bit. And you are cracking me up with the special chef in Italy with his apron and everything. I totally think that kind of stuff too!

Good luck!

MandaPanda said...

Of course we're still with you! I've been thinking I'm not going to do my half marathon either and that's just a HALF. Running that far just seems really unnecessary. LOL

Good luck on Nutrisystem! I'd sign up just so I wouldn't have to cook.

~Lisa~ said...

Still here, too! You don't have to explain to me or anyone else why you choose not to run.. If it makes you feel better, I'm not running a marathon either (except when I'm with the GrandAngel)!

I know lots of folks who have been successful with NS! Good luck and keep us posted!

Beth Ann said...

You have to do what YOU need to do. A 1/2 marathon might come later...it might not. No one is relying on you to do it but you. If you don't need it, don't do it. :)

As for NutriSystem, I say, girl, go for it!! I can't wait to hear how it goes.

Amanda said...

Aw heck, have at it with the NS! Actually, that's what I used to start off my weight loss efforts. I stuck with it for two months until I realized the fact that Lean Cuisine now tasted like gourmet cooking was a bit telling.

There were some crap food items (broccoli pasta parmesan or something of that ilk -- tasted like tropical fish food smells) and some really pretty decent ones. My kids snagged just about every snack and dessert bar they had.

If nothing else, it's something new and often that's what it takes to kick things into a higher gear. It's why I started WW a few months back, and I'm still in (virtually -- I do the online variant only) and still loving it!

Best of luck to you! Oh, and the NS pizza? Does not suck. Just for the record.

Laurie said...

Dang, I was hoping for the penis sewn to the leg....

Dinnerland said...

No judgments, even if you sewed a penis to your leg, but I'd wonder why... ???
Anyway: whatever you decide is what you need to do-- and if it doesn't hurt someone else, then do what you need to do!!!xoxo

Lyla said...

I need to hear more about the foot tat (because even your blog should be all about MY NEEDS, of course). I want my first tat to be on my foot, but the place I was thinking of going strongly discourages foot tats. But man, that's where I want it! Is it a bad idea for a first-timer? Is it harder to care for?

You'll run your half-marathon when you're ready. There are plenty of really awesome, really fit people out there who never ever run a half-marathon, so you're in good company.

Jen said...

you don't really think any of us would judge do you? for realz, think of all the crazy stuff we share too! Just do what you can when you can- the time isn't right for the marathon- oh well. NS- I've know a few people who have done extremely well- i hope you and Rambo do great with it!

Kelly said...

I'm still with you, even though I'm not a fan of Nutri-System.

Ali said...

Not that you need it, but I support you 100% in both the half marathon and the NS thing. :-) I am also so happy and also JEALOUS that Rambo is on board with you. That is awesome. Does he have a brother that wants a woman with lots of baggage? ; )
-Ali

Bridget said...

Good luck on NS, and on running the 1/2 marathon when you're ready to!

LOL at Fuschia Marie, too funny! And yep, I'd want to be like her, too ;)

Julie Harmon said...

Feel good about your decision because that is what's right for you!! No guilt!

bbubblyb said...

Hope it works for ya and I say do what you think will help. Sometimes we do want and need a break from thinking about the food. I look forward to hearing your review.