Thursday, June 16, 2011

Some of the best........

Today I’m letting you – my followers and commenters – write my post! I’ll be responding directly to some of your best comments! Enjoy!!

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If I lost blog followers everytime I said I would do something - and then didn't..I would be in the negatives!! By Joanna
Joanna – yes – let’s all do a quick celebration dance that we don’t automatically lose followers every time we say we’re gonna do something and don’t. Can you imagine? Gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking of such a thing!

All I know is that you provided a HUGE service to the public, as it should be completely illegal for a man's ass to be that hairy. He totally needs to invest in laser hair removal. I've seriously never seen a man's ass that hairy before. And I've seen a lot of asses!! By Stephanie on One time at a tattoo convention....
Now Stef – I’m not sure what I’m more stunned about – the fact that you’ve never seen an ass this hairy OR that you admit to seeing gazillions of asses. Either way – you poor girl.


Marathon-Schmarathon. Who gives a monkey's butt. By Laura Belle on Ima gonna and Ima gonna not.
Not me! I do not give a monkey’s butt or a rhino’s fart for that matter.

I did NS and I liked the food pretty well! The desserts were not my thing but then again I don't eat desserts!! By Amanda on Ima gonna and Ima gonna not.
Amanda. After this comment I am unfollowing you. Anyone who doesn’t eat desserts is insane and I cannot be a part of such a thing.

You are a warrior carebear princess. By Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie on One time at a tattoo convention....
Um, I’m gonna need you to say that out loud and record it and send it to me. Just because.

Holy tattooed Donkey Dick!!! Well, not the 'working' part but seeing all those tats and helping people out and $15 for all the beer you can drink!!!! By Laura Belle on One time at a tattoo convention....
Laura – in your excitement about $15 all you can drink beer – you missed that the tat was indeed on an ass – not on a donkey dick. I thought I should clarify that.

$15 for all the beer you can drink??? HELLO!! Why on earth does that not happen around me??? By Joanna on One time at a tattoo convention....
Joanna – perhaps you do not live in Podunk, USA. Do you chew tobacco and fart at the dinner table? Do you drive a jacked up 4x4 with an AK47 in the back? THESE are all pre-requisites for $15 all you can drink beer.

I had a dropped jaw reading your whole post!! Bloody hell you've got guts. By Lonicera on One time at a tattoo convention....
Bloody hell I love it when people say bloody hell.

You have to tell where you got those cute sandals...please ;) By Bridget on Tats, Fats and Rats.
Can you believe Kmart - $9.99! (yes, I'm super high class)

Did the foot tattoo hurt? I want one there SOOO bad...but I am a chicken shit...honestly! By Nikki on Tats, Fats and Rats.
Yes it hurts my dear – cuz it’s someone sticking you with needles. LOL But it’s bearable compared to other spots. No chicken shits are allowed.

LOVE YOU most. By JFBD on Tats, Fats and Rats.
Nu-uh bestie…I love YOU more.

I have a very similar looking tattoo on my back. Just sayin... By Dizzy Girl on Tats, Fats and Rats.
D – that’s cuz great minds think alike.

Where did you get that water bottle?By Leslie on Tats, Fats and Rats.
I bought mine at a sporting goods store but the brand is Nathan….

I have almost bought those Doritos so many times. You just reinforced my decision not to. By Linda on Tats, Fats and Rats.
Linda – back away from the Doritoes. Next thing you know you’ll find yourself crushing them and inhaling them like meth just to get them in your veins faster. (I wouldn't know...cuz I've never done that.)

So, I am new to your blog- however it is so damn funny that I went back and read the last months worth of posts. Sarah @ Thinfluenced By Sarah on Bank a rob, I'm a Marine and a tumor.
Sarah – you poor soul. There should be some sort of prize for anyone who goes back and reads my musings…but there isn’t. Sorry.

fart bullets hahaha!!! me loves you. By Raven on I'll trade you for a pudding snack.
Raven – me loves you too. Like – a lot.

I can't really comment as all I am thinking about is a picture of you bent over shooting bullets out of your ass.....an ass gun, what a brilliant idea!!! Then they can make pants with a flap that opens up when you shoot.....ok I need to stop now.....By Bonnie on I'll trade you for a pudding snack.
Bonnie – FOCUS. And I swear to God if you market those pants I want a percentage of the profits.

As the resident violent blogger...I say just slap somebody. By Dawnya on I'll trade you for a pudding snack.
Hello resident violent blogger. You’re my hero. Do you take requests?

I'm not a camper. Though neither are you with your snake, spider and do we even want to ask where you're supposed to do the P things? Nah...don't bother answering. By Cat on I'll trade you for a pudding snack.
For your info Cat – yours truly held her P all night. There is no way this girl was peeing at a biker party. I’m getting hives just thinking about it.

I'm really hoping that the pudding snacks in prison aren't used for what I think they are. By Dazee Dreamer on I'll trade you for a pudding snack.
Oh honey – you know they are.

I would dare say that what you and Rambo plan to do in your tent won't be anything out of what's going on in the other tents around you. Why be the odd ones out?? Get in there and Git 'Er Done!! LMAO By Joanna on I'll trade you for a pudding snack.
Joanna – you dirty little pervert. I’m appalled at this comment. Get your ass to a church so you can confess to such vile words.  :)

I too want to know why you were in the hospital bed in 5" leopard heels?? Weren't you dying of heat stroke and should have had sneakers on? Or are you so damn bad ass that you RUN in leopard heels? By Cat on I confess....
Cat…I ran the night before I went to the hospital for heat stroke…and haven’t you ever heard of having clean underwear on in case you have to go to the hospital? The same applies for having hot shoes on at all times.

You know what's worse than Butt heat on an office chair? Butt heat on the toilet seat! EEwww. By Red Riding Hood on I confess....
Thank you for this – I just threw up in my mouth a little.  Let's just concede that anything butt heat related is no longer to be discussed here.

You are so cute (what I can see)...don't get the anonymous part. By Laurie on It's not as fun as you think.
Laurie – thank you but no – no cuteness here. I’m anon because of the things I say (in real life it would hurt people) not because of how I look…very mysterious isn’t it?

I wish I could trade Diamonds for popsicles and be ok with it... By Tori on Bank a rob, I'm a Marine and a tumor.
Tori – let me reiterate – it is NEVER okay to trade anything for diamonds. KEEP the diamonds.


Why is it they always make you strip down at the doctor when whatever is going on is not nipple related? By Leslie on I confess....
Leslie – I figured this out. It is because the doctor has a penis. (Oh and remember I had on 5" leopard heels...he probably thought I was a hooker)

I read every blog that you write in hopes that we don't see another bully blog. I secretly want to punch that little girls mom in the face for you that way you can just say that you don't know who finally bitch slapped some sense into her... :) By Banded Mommy (Angie) on I confess....
Amen sister. Like for realz. Amen.

I have thought of you a lot during this thing and even had a moment or two of WWDD :) what would Drazil do? By Tina on Poopy woopy Tuesday.
Tina. I’m getting t-shirts made that say WWDD. I thought you should know.

I go commando with pants, but not a dress, if I have to bend over and pick something up, I don't want my butt to eat my dress! That and the fact that I'm from the South and feel an obligation to wear a girdle everytime I leave the house in a dress! By Theresa aka Tessie Rose on Commando + flowers. 
My Southern mother-in-law says it's improper to leave the house without lipstick on.  I shall add "girdle" to that as well.

 
If we are sitting Indian style, should we wear underwear? By Laurie on Commando + flowers
Laurie.  The answer is yes.  Let us please wear underwear that day.

Yeah thanks. I actually laughed out loud about the reflectors keeping people from running you over. Now my coworkers know that I'm not doing work cuz why would I laugh at work stuff??? By Cat on Bank a rob, I'm a Marine and a tumor. on 6/7/11
Cat – no problem – any time you need me to get you fired – I’m here to help. I’m just that kind of friend.

So, decrease the ice cream, and in crease the water, and I'm sure that darn tumor will be gone! By FitBy40 on Bank a rob, I'm a Marine and a tumor.
What? Decrease the ice cream? That’s just crazy talk.

when i thought i had a tumor, it turns out i was 20 weeks pregnant. are you SURE you're not preggers? hahaha, just teasing. By Lee Ann on Bank a rob, I'm a Marine and a tumor.
LeeAnn – just because you said this I probably am pregnant therefore, I will be sending an infant your way in about 9 months – to pay for and raise. Good luck with that.

Well, if you sell the kid, then you might buy some diamonds. By Kelly on Bank a rob, I'm a Marine and a tumor. Kelly – I tried to sell her. Someone even bought her but after 5 minutes they brought her back. I need a new marketing plan.

Did you know that stomping bunnies is like cardio and will help you to lose weight?...... By Bonnie on Bank a rob, I'm a Marine and a tumor.
Bonnie – are you serious? Why the hell are you just telling me this now?

You know the theory that our soul weighs 28 grams? Well, maybe sexy weighs 2lbs. By Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie on Bank a rob, I'm a Marine and a tumor.
Thank you – I’m seriously convinced this is what is going on.

Oooh love the co@ch purse too!! : ) Can you post a link to where you purchase your shoes and bags? I'd luv ya 4-evah! By Cat's Chic Chat on It's not as fun as you think. 
Cat - believe it or not...I'm done with that purse already.  Not enough pockets.  I'll sell it to you - for real.

That poop thing is hysterical. And, we have had that too. A friend's kid has serious bowel issues and has clogged my toilet more than once. I have not puked, but have gagged. It's the non-family poop thing that sends me over the edge.By Laurie on I confess....
When I read this comment I pooped my own pants out of grossness.  Thank you for sharing.  I cannot even imagine having "serious bowel issues."

I'm confused. You're saying you're not pregnant? (Wink, wink.) =) By Kelly on Pregnant with a side order of the fashion police.
Good God - let me be clear once and for all.  I AM NOT PREGNANT.  I swear on Satan's dick.


That was fun wasn't it?  Let's do it again some time shall we?

14 comments:

Nora said...

Thank you for always posting early in the morning. It is nice to have something to read, especially something so enjoyable. This whole time zone thing means that I have many blogless hours!

AutumnLeaves said...

I see my comments aren't quite up to the funny snuff! LOL That's ok Draz. No one ever listens to me anyway. I'm used to after 52 years. LMAO

Leslie said...

OMG! I love this!! So funny. I never thought about the whole penis vs. nipple thing. I think you are on to something. Should I be worried that I mostly see female doctors? Maybe they are jealous of my fab nipples?

Oh and CURSE YOU with the taco doritos. GUess who bought some the other day before work? That would be me. Those are my very favorite kind and when I read that blog I had to go out and find them. Yum.

Amanda said...

you're going to un follow me cause I don't like dessert?! Boooo! :) what if I said some time I like desserts. Like bread pudding is fantastic...

Joanna said...

This was a great idea!! LOVED reading those responses..and some of the comments, again.

And as a matter of fact, I do live in PoDunk USA which is also Bible Belt, USA. Lots of chewing tobacco, fire-arms, trucks...dinner table?? What's that? No farting at the dinner table - farting 24/7.

We do have a big festival in the fall called Bikes, Blues, and BBQ...although, no $15 all you can drink beer. WAH!! :(

FitBy40 said...

So fun! I had a much needed morning laugh!

Laura Belle said...

I heart you!

(And yes, cheap beer distracts me like a $2 hooker distracts a politician. It just can't be helped.)

Stephanie said...

I don't know if I just lucked out and never slept with a hair assed guy before, but yep...that was eye opening for me. And just because I've seen a lot of asses, it doesn't mean I was a slut...Just popular. :D

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

@Stephanie...LOL, seriously! I was popular too!
Draz, you kill me!

Beth Ann said...

Excellent! You have some darn funny followers!!

Cat said...

I absolutely loved this post!!! You inspire the most funny in the rest of us I think! : )

As for this: "The same applies for having hot shoes on at all times." (about the underwear and emergencies etc) I am still learning! Yes, I will make sure as soon as I get the leopard heels that I make sure I wear them in all emergency situations! /nod /nod

Also - if you're serious about the co@ch, email me at cshaner (at) gmail (dot) com I would be very happy to discuss! : ) and yeah, like your real life spiders, I'm always terrified of email spam from internet crawlers. :)

Bridget said...

Oooh, ooooh, oooh I made the list! Cool!! :D

Bonnie said...

I have a designer working on the flap as we speak......

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