Monday, July 11, 2011

Gym rat turned...."not" gym rat.

It’s time for a little recap of what’s been happening in the way of exercise in Care Bear Land now that the year is half over.

Let me just say that this little recap explains, well – pretty much everything in regards to my weight.

I play the “I don’t eat that badly, how can my weight keep going up – I must have a tumor that weighs 20lbs!” game with myself A LOT.

If there’s one thing I learned in this journey to a healthier me – it’s that diet alone NEVER EVER works for me. Even at less than 1000 calories a day I wouldn’t lose weight – unless I was doing workouts too. There could be a multitude of reasons for this – like:

1. I am getting older and my metabolism sucks tiny green grasshopper testicles.
2. I eat WAY too much pizza and wash it down with Mountain Dew.
3. I carry muscle like the Hulk so in order to lose weight, I must keep toning.
4. I am getting older and my metabolism sucks tiny green grasshopper testicles.
5. I eat WAY too much pizza and wash it down with Mountain Dew.

Hmmm…see a pattern anywhere? Jesus, Mary and slippery seal semen….who am I kidding?

Anywhoozle….let’s recap my last 6 months of workouts.

        Days Mins  Cals   Miles

Jan    16    857   5189  48.8
Feb   17   1235  9511  77.6
Mar   3    175    1051   10
April  0     0       0          0
May  5     278   1849   16.6
June  13   568   4074   33.6

I’m so predictable huh? Look at me go in January and February with all the “new year” “post-holiday-eating-binge” enthusiasm. Then look at how by March I’m tired and I don’t give a damn and Winter is getting old and I’m ready for Spring.

In April I’m pretty sure my mantra went something like this, “As soon as Spring comes, then I’ll eat better and work out. Right now it’s just too cold to do either one.” You know cuz who can work out on the workout equipment downstairs when it's cold OUTSIDE? 

Then comes Spring and suddenly I decide this fat isn’t going to disappear on its own unless I actually get off the couch. And I realize bikini season is slamming into my cellulitic ass and pretty soon as Summer approaches I’ll want to ride topless on the Harley and my GOD I’ve got to start working out.

Ah well – this little recap teaches me one thing. I’m no workout warrior like I used to be. Before you would have seen 25 days out of every month and a diet under 1200 cals too. Now? I’m just not so sure I want to spend that much time caring about the last 15-20 lbs.

I just think life is about more than that.

And I didn’t have 3 jobs when I began this journey so I had more time to work out. I didn’t have soccer 4 days a week either. Should I go on with more excuses?

The truth is I don’t want to be a gym rat anymore. I used to wear that like a badge of honor and puff my chest out when I’d hear people say, “that girl never misses a day and runs forever”, “she’s a die-hard”, or “she’s running when I get here and still running when I leave”.

But really? Who gives a damn? It got me healthy but now it’s done. I have other things I need and want to be proud of…like my work, my family, how I live my life, my friends, etc.

I work out now because it feels good. It relieves stress. It shows my kids working out can be fun. It gives me time with my kids (soccer). It helps my health (BP and migraines). It helps me mentally fight off depression. The weight loss is just a bonus.

It’s not about never missing a day anymore. I’ve got nothing to prove. No one is going to give me a medal for spending more time working out than I spend time living life.

I don’t begrudge anyone who is in the “gym rat” “every day” phase. Those people still amaze me. For me, it was necessary and imperative during my big weight loss stage. It was where I needed to be in my journey and it worked and I don’t regret it.

It’s just not where I need or want to be now. And I never thought I’d be able to say that.

I just know with every bone in my body that there’s no way in hell that I’ll be 75 years old and regretting that in April of 2011 I didn’t work out. Hell – I won’t even be able to remember back that far I would guess.

I’ll continue with Nutrisystem – mostly because I wanted a break from cooking, grocery shopping and even thinking about food. I also wanted to eat healthy for continued lessening of my migraines, for my cholesterol and BP and because I have realized I will not and cannot work out every day anymore. Of course, if it helps me get closer to goal, I’ll take it.

This last 20 lbs is just window dressing and I’ll get there – but my life won’t be anything less or more when I do reach goal.

I won’t be doing or not doing things “when I hit goal”. I’ll do everything I want at the weight I am now.

Because the fact remains that all I have is this moment, right here, right now.

And friends?

It’s a damn good moment if I do say so myself.

18 comments:

Joanna said...

Anyone else this close to my mindset - and I'd scream "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!"

Not you. You always say the things that weigh on my mind...and I love you even more for it.

Today is no exception. You hit the nail right on the head... you're amazing for everything you've accomplished - and accomplish every day. When you're 75, you're going to look back and remember the family times, friends, and riding topless on a Harley....those memories will last forever. Not working out? Forgotten next week!!

Linda said...

Ive never used that tumor excuse, but I might steal it. I'm in a similar place- is good enough, good enough right now? I have no doubt we'll both reach our goals when we get there. Love ya!

-Grace- said...

I love this post! You summed up my recent thoughts quite nicely. So thanks! :) Love you!

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

I'm glad Drazil and the fart bullets are far away today.

Dawnya said...

This is a great post!! Thanks for sharing.

Cat said...

Love this post, and even though I'm in the "I go to the gym everyday" phase right now, I am loving it but I will keep this in mind when I stop loving it! I do my workouts first thing in the AM so there isn't any life I'm missing living...it's just a few extra minutes of sleep and that's not a big deal! :) So happy you are feeling better this week. *hearts*

Liz said...

Hear hear!!!

Jody V said...

I'm with ya on this one! I also can't understand why I don't lose and have a list of reasons why when I really want to dive into it....which isn't often! God Bless on being 15-20 from goal.

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

Great post! I need to get it out of my head too that I HAVE to work out everyday, no I don't, if I work out a few times a week that is just fine, I tend to beat myself up if I don't work out 6 days a week. We are too hard on ourselves sometimes, I realized that this past week when I was beating myself up over that I am failing at getting healthy when a few people gave me the swift reminder that I have lost 100 lbs in a year and need to be proud of that instead of that I have been stalled for a few weeks.
Here's to a better week for the both of us ok?

Bonnie said...

still working on those pants just incase ;)

Angela Pea said...

Grasshoppers have testicles? Huh. Who Knew!

~Lisa~ said...

I just can't get past the image in my head of grasshoppers dragging around little green balls behind them.. Can't get that picture OUT of my head right now..

You have written the words that are in my heart - thank you for that!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Living a good life is the real deal. I don't work out much and I am still at goal weight. I'm not in great shape but I'm happy and I don't feel bad that I can't keep up with people half my age. I do need to be productive around the house but that isn't the same thing as working out. I think you are doing great and that you should do what makes you the most content.

MandaPanda said...

LMAO @ "slippery seal semen"...I don't think I could ever have thought of a phrase like that if my life depended on it!

I love your attitude with this! I wish I were there and while my schedule will never permit me to be a "work out every day" kind of gal, I just know I'll be obsessing over how much I'm working out for the rest of my life. I don't see myself ever getting mentally healthy about it. Good for you!

Ronnie said...

Pizza is the DEVIL.

Love the outlook, you do have to really adopt that healthy living is a lifestyle change and that sometimes life will get in the way of whatever we're trying to achieve.

You DON'T have anything to prove. :)

Andrea said...

I think it's good to have balance! Loved this post.

Justawallflower said...

I think that the fact that you work out now for fun, and for the benefits to your health and mood is way more impressive than working out every day of the week and then some to lose weight! It is great! Good for you!

FitBy40 said...

I also can't really lose weight, even with WLS, unless I exercise. It sucks, but it's the cards we've been dealt.
I'm at the gym 4 times a week and am amazed (not jealous) of the people who are there twice a day! Good god, where do they find the time? That's never going to be me, and I'm OK with that.