Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I won't apologize....

Well, it’s day 2 of Drazil and Sheniqua ruling my world. Me is still sucking my thumb under my desk and if I didn’t hate bodily functions so much I’d never move and just stay there and probably even pee and poop my pants. That’s how much I hate the world right now.

I’m really fine – I just don’t feel like apologizing for who I am or what I’m feeling right now.

In fact…

I won’t apologize for being pissed off that Casey Anthony gets to walk free. I do believe the jury did the right thing considering there was little to no actual proof (they followed the letter of the law) but that doesn’t mean 99% of the world doesn’t believe she did it. I won’t apologize for wanting her to never be allowed to procreate again. And I certainly won’t apologize for hoping the judge hands down an order that she cannot make money off her story.

I won’t apologize for turning into a whiny, sobby, crybaby woman last night when Rambo asked me what was wrong and all I could say was, “I’m fat.” Like somehow that’s the end of the world.

I won’t apologize for wanting to give up this effing health journey. For realizing fat or not fat – my life is good and Rambo loves me no matter what. I won’t apologize for not giving a damn about how much I weigh and eating taco Doritoes for supper last night.

I won’t apologize for wanting to shove a bag of said Doritoes up the mother f*cker’s ass who invented the Satanistic morsels of triangular orgasms.

I won’t apologize for not picking up the phone when my mother-in-law called SIX times last night.

I won’t apologize for hating every minute I did the treadmill last night.

I won’t apologize for feeling lucky this weekend when every woman around me seemed to be bitching about their husband. All the way from “he won’t do dishes to he cheated on me Thursday night” --- I wanted to throw up. I have no right to judge anyone but I won’t apologize for being angry that women don’t believe they deserve better (because we do).

I won’t apologize for wanting to bathe in pizza while calling my plastic surgeon to ask her how many pounds she could lipo out of one person in one sitting. (that one person would be yours truly)

I won’t apologize for wincing today when Rambo showed up in my office as a surprise – with a new Harley coat for me – with thumbholes. The man knows I want to marry anything with thumbholes and he found the coat – and went and got it and brought it to my office today. Why the wincing you ask? The price. Jesus F*ck. Wincing for a second when I saw it is who I am – the financial guru of the household.

I got over it though – because it’s too sweet to wince about. He handed it to me and said, "This is for my baby...becasue you're an amazing woman."  And I could tell it was killing him not to scoop me up into his arms and hold me just so I'd smile.  Now I refuse to apologize for loving the gift and the thought no matter how much it cost.

I won’t apologize for falling asleep while my daughter was in the ER. Yup – you read that right. Watermelon got into something that made her eyes swell and puff up and itch and Rambo took her to the ER while I stayed home with Banana. And I fell asleep while waiting. Cuz this mama is exhausted.  Yes – it wasn’t life or death but seriously – go ahead and shove the “mother of the year” award on me if you must. I so clearly deserve it.

I won’t apologize that the real reason my mood sucks spicy buffalo jiblets is because every day this past weekend I was social. With lots of people. All day – every day. The days after being social are brutal to recover from for me. There’s no time or place to show the anxiety that I hold in or forge through during the events so it hits me in the days after. Hence – Draz is rocking my world. And I’m about to fry him up for supper. I hate his blue ass.

Lastly – I won’t apologize for being pissy when I have no right to be. I can’t fart gumdrops or live with the Care Bears every day. I just can’t. I can’t love my body every day. I can’t stop wishing I was someone else for a day. I can’t do anything but stick my head in the sand some days.

Because I’m human. And I’m learning and growing. And I’m allowed to be pissed off at the world some days.

If you have a problem with that – too bad. Like I said - I won’t apologize.

Take it up with Sheniqua – it’s her lardass fault anyway.  Plus, she could use the exercise.


Trisha said...

I wont apologize for totally loving this post.

Cat said...

I won't appologize for totally having a blog crush on your dear. *puffy hot pink hearts* And can I please have a moment to AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW over Rambo bringing you such a kick ass gift and wanting to hug you. Yeah, that shit brought goo'y pre-menstrual tears to my eyes. totally love love you!

Beth Ann said...

Some days (weeks, months) sure do suck. Hope that Drazil takes a hike soon so you can get back to skittle farting!

Ronnie said...

I won't apologize for having nothing worthwhile to say in this comment. I agree with Beth!

Dawnya said...

I love you!!!!!

You don't owe anyone a effin' apology.

BTW...I'm so proud of you for socializing. I know how hard that was.

This too shall pass sweetie...and you will be right back to carebear land farting skittles.

Ms. M said...

I won't apologize for trying to make sure I have even numbers in my posts... just because I know you hate odd numbers. :)

PS_Iloveyou said...

Hey Lady,

I sooo know what you mean about being Crabby McCrabberson after being social all weekend. My lovely co-workers got their asses handed to them on silver platters yesterday for no reason whatsoever. Le Sigh. All hail the Queen.

I'm hopin you pop a few skittles to get the fart factory back up and running. No one will fault you for it.

P.S I'm seriously hoping you post pictures of that jacket because bJeeeezuuus it sounds NIFTY!!

Stacey said...

Casey Anthony- No apology needed, justice was NOT served there. And it's hard to accept that people like her can get away with murder. Literally.

Turning into a whiny, sobby, crybaby woman- No apology needed. You OPENED up, you told him what you were feeling. Don't minimize that.

Wanting to give up this effing health journey-It's hard, it sucks and it isn't fun after the first 10 minutes of wanting to change habits. Don't apologize for being human and wanting to chuck it all.

Never apologize for Doritos, they are foods of the Gods and/or demons. I believe they had a battle to chose flavors. All the good ones, those are done by the demons because they know no one can resist the temptation!

Mother-in-laws? They are made to make us feel inadequate, kudos for not picking up the phone when you were at a point where it would have been worse to answer.

Apologize for feeling lucky? That would take away the awesomeness that is Rambo. He just is, we are not all lucky enough to have one....relish the experience. :)

Pizza? See above comment regarding Doritos, they were a collaboration.

Wincing over a harley coat? Nah, no apologies needed, The price of one of those would buy a small condo in some parts of the country. (Not California, but you get the picture) On the flip side, don't apologize for loving it, I would be wearing it all the time, naked if I had to to avoid the summer heat.

Falling asleep? Would it have been better for you to be awake while she wasn't there? Nope, you would have been more tired and she needs you more when she is there. If it HAD been life or death, you know you would have been there, in fine mommy form...hives or no.

Apologizing for being pissy? Nope, we all have those days, and it makes the gumdrop farting days all the more better.

Give Sheniqua a carrot, and tell her to fit it into whatever hole she deems appropriate and to STFU. You got this.

Stacey said...

Umm I think my comment is longer than any blog post I ever did....sorry about that!

Ice Queen said...

My dragon is on her way to kick Drazil's little blue interfering ass. She should be there, soon.

You owe no apologies for your feelings.

So you fell asleep when your husband took your daughter to the ER. You didn't do anything wrong and you don't deserve to beat yourself up about it. It certainly doesn't paint you as a bad mother. You knew that your daughter wasn't in any real danger. If she had been, you would have taken her, yourself. No doubt in my mind! You knew that she was safe with Rambo. You knew that he would take perfect care of her. You knew that you could trust him to do the right thing for your precious baby girl. You were secure in that. And that is why you were able to sleep.

The jacket sounds fabulous. Enjoy it. Cherish that wonderful gift from that sweet man who loves you so much.

I hope that Drazil is shaking in his tacky, cheap hightops. Because his reckoning is near.

MandaPanda said...

I think someone's already hit on these but you gotta see the silver lining. Apologize for hating the treadmill? Good for you for getting on it in teh first place! Apologize for not picking up the phone? What kind of nutso calls 6 freakin' times unless they're stranded at the airport and you're supposed to be piicking them up!?!? Apologize for wanting Casey Anthony to get her comeuppins...seriously?? Apologize for feeling lucky because you have a loyal, devoted hubby who loves you? You should feel lucky and blessed and things will start looking up!... I promise!

mallory said...

Girl go ahead and be crabby! Everyone has those days!

Also I changed my blog so please visit ( it was only supposed to be a name change but I will not appologize for being a computer idiot!)

Cece said...

Yes, you are human ... it's okay to cut yourself some slack ... hope you had a better day !

Dazee Dreamer said...

You and me both on Casey Anthony. And may he also hand down an order of an tubal ligation. She should not be allowed to procreate another child. Just sayin.

You have the coolest husband EVER!!!!!

Andrea said...

You definitely get to have days like this and that is ok! We all do! Love your honesty and humor even on the crappy days!

FitBy40 said...

I won't apologize for wanting to set Casey Anthony on fire and drag her through the streets by her hair. Oops, was that mean? I don't care, she sucks!
You make me laugh...and I love your husband! tee hee.

Clumsy said...

I'm so jealous of the jacket. Your husband is the best. He should teach classes and teach the "less than men" lessons! Cheer up Hun!

~Lisa~ said...

...and I won't apologize for sending you a Skittle filled (((hugggg)))... We all need an "I won't apologize" kinda day - and we all need Skittle filled huggs too - here's one just for YOU!

MizFit said...

I adore this post.
and I WONT apologize (ok maybe a little :)) that Doritos are the only of the ITOS which make me gag simply at the smell!

I adore ye.

AutumnLeaves said...

Well, Draz...You shouldn't need to apologize to anyone for being you. Ever. And thanks for making me smile too.

Dinnerland said...

Good for you-- I won't apologize either!! I'm sick of being guilty. It sucks and is a worthless way to punish ourselves for 'crimes' we never committed.

Joanna said...

Sometimes I really feel like we're cut from the same mold, girl...we share mind waves...seriously!!

I won't apologize that every time you write a post like this - I want to run straight to my blog and copy..urm "borrow" the whole idea..and sometimes the same answers. :)

You know what's coming, right? Yep - A Mad, Fat Woman "I Don't Apologize" post. I can't help myself. Oh, and I'm not going to apologize for stealing the idea from fact, I'm gonna thank ya for it. ;)

This crazy life of mine... said...

What a great list!! So, I came over from Joanna's blog as she speaks so highly of you and I see why. You have a new follower for sure!!