Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Random giraffe poop spewing........with pictures.

Let it be said that there is no point to this post.
Just your basic random giraffe poop spewing forth from yours truly.

Do you all know that it’s been three weeks since I’ve had real, cheesy, orgasmic, take-out, thick crust pizza? The owners of the pizza joint called last night to inquire about my health and to ask if I was dead. It seems their profits are suffering since I’m not ordering every other day.

It also turns out that Skittles and even M&Ms are not necessary to live. Can you believe that bullshit? I haven’t had a real piece of candy or a candy bar in 3 weeks. And get this? I don’t even care. NS desserts are like candy bars so I’m all good. Yes, I’m aware that half of you fell off your chairs just now. Get back up…I have more to say. It’s not nearly as shocking as  the candy bar announcement but it’s still fun.

I ate a piece of Extra gum…one of those dessert delight ones. Those are the ones that are flavored like desserts – like key lime pie and strawberry shortcake. The ad folks at Extra say, “It’s like eating the dessert without the calories!”. I’m here to say, “NO IT ISN’T”. It’s like chewing flavored gum. The end.

Rambo and I went to the local park yesterday to run sprints up hills because we’re insane and we like to experience what it will feel like to live in hell. I thought I might die. 100 degree weather and 800 degree humidity didn’t help. And when a gnat flew up my nose I nearly laid down and had a tantrum that could rival any 5 year old.

Yesterday I was also reminded again of how much I hate Rambo’s job some days. He emailed me at home and said it had been a bad morning. Now for me a bad morning is Explosive Man not only shitting on the back of the toilet but leaving pubes on top of the toilet and in the sink.

For Rambo – that’d be a walk in the park. He had to send an Officer to the hospital via ambulance after an inmate got out of hand and backhanded the Officer. The Officer hit his head against a wall and then hit the floor. Rambo instructed his guards to get the inmate under control and every part of him wanted to beat the mother-effer with his own two hands. Not only because he assaulted an Officer but because Rambo knows the guy is a convicted pedofile. Multiple counts of sexual assaults on a child. Not worth the air he breathes if you ask me. But all in a day’s work for Rambo….

I had a little shopping disaster fun this weekend too. I decided I wanted a bigger Harley jacket than the one Rambo brought me so we went back to the Harley store. That was my first mistake.
By the way - here's the coat.  Though I admit it is much less blingy than I like and it's not pink -
when it's on it's very nice and fitted so I love it!

I bought Harley jeans. Check out the ass on these suckers.

Yes – they cost enough to feed starving kids in a small country for a year but still.

And a sparkley pink doo-rag too.

Then these Jerseylicious zebra sunglasses called my name so I couldn’t leave them in the store.

I happened to hear a cute pink watch yelling out about how it wanted to see itself on my wrist...
for my ride this weekend.

So I bought it! 

Oh oh – and I bought a cute little mini strapless dress too. Wanna see?

The real point of the trip to the mall was to buy my M-I-L a birthday gift…so here’s what I got her.

And the best part of the weekend? JENNY called! I nearly licked the phone. I feel like I am whole again! Serious purple grasshopper balls – I’m not kidding – I missed her terribly!!! I’ll be seeing her in person in a few weeks so maybe we’ll do a vlog together again for you!

I put feathers in my sister’s hair this weekend and that reminded me I promised you pictures of the ones I put in my girls hair and my green, blue and purple ones! So here ya go!

For those of you attending BOOBs 2011 in Chicago in September – be sure to watch the
BOOBs blog as each person going to Chicago will be
featured so we can make sure we all know each other a bit before the big day!

That's all I got for today....just a bunch of nonsense like I warned you it would be!

Tootles Skittles...


AutumnLeaves said...

Oh to have your figure! Love the dress and I admit I like the thumbholes too. They only work well on pretty hands, methinks.

Leslie said...

I have decided that I want to go shopping with you once I hit my goal weight. LOL. Or maybe you could just give me a makeover, either one would be fine. :)

I adore your dress, the pink sparkly ass jeans are ass-tastic, I still adore your feathers and again...your dress is adorable and you look so good in it!!

Leslie said...

Oh and I forgot, the redneck wine glass is hilarious! My MIL is a huge wine drinker, she would get a kick out of the glass.

MandaPanda said...

Can you please warn me ahead of time when you're going to go into details about Explosive Man? I'm trying to eat breakfast here and that just didn't work for me. I seriously just threw up a little in my mouth.

Love all the new goodies you got from the Harley store! I was THIS (imagine holding my thumb and pointer finger just a cm apart) close to getting feathers this weekend but the salon I was at only had itty bitty ones and they seemed too subtle to me. Maybe next time.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I LOVE all the Harley stuff. You will rock on your ride this weekend. I would love to have a bike but Dail is against it plus there is no money in the budget for it. I like the new Spyders we've seen around here. It wouldn't be hard for Dail and me to ride one of those. Of course, we could buy a new house for the cost of one of those. The dress is super smashing. It looks great.

Laura Belle said...

Love the coat, love the jeans, love the watch, love IT ALL! Oh, and you look seriously bang bang in that dress. I'm guessing Rambo wasn't around when you put that on.

Love the feathers too!

Glad you're doing so good on NS! I'm so proud of you!

BTW: Was there anything left at the Harley store when you left? AND: did you know there's a Harley store literally 2 miles from my house?! I'm cool.

Oh, and the other day on BYOC, I was obsessed about unicorns forEVA! Coin-key-dink?

Cat said...

Two words for that dress. Gorg-Eous! OMG I need something similar when I get to goal.

First thing I thought when looking at the feather pictures was...Are Banana and Watermelon's hair Crimped?? Oooh love it!

Amanda Kiska said...

I LOVE thumb holes in jackets!

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

I see we share a crazy love for hot pink (well, most shades of pink really)! I love your Harley jeans and that dress is adorable.

You make me want to shop!!!

And you look so tan and fit. I guess avoiding skittles does a body good.

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

Drooling over all the cute things you got recently! I LOVE the dress, jeans, watch and sunglasses! I might just come steal those jeans ;)

Ronnie said...

Thumbholes. *drool!*

The dress looks great!

Andrea said...

Cute shopping finds! I love that dress!

Justawallflower said...

Oh my goodness, my bff colored my hair this weekend, and was totally going to put feathers in it, but we ran out of time. I was totally thinking of you though! I love, love, love the dress, and your nails. And the crimped hair!