Monday, July 18, 2011

Ss, Ms and JPDs!

It’s time for more Ss, Ms and JPDs.

Ss = Shockers

Ms = Morsels (of info)

JPDs = Just Plain Dumb (things)

Shocker: Did you know that boats go in water? Like float atop the water even? Who knew right? I was in my parents garage the other day and was walking around in it (yes, it’s big enough to put a race track in) and there sat a boat. Hmmm…funny. My parents don’t boat. In fact, my mother is deathly afraid of water. She almost drowned as a young child and after being trapped in our flooded home as an adult – she can hardly even sit through a rain storm without panicking. But “they thought they might like to fish”.

Turns out maybe not. They took it out once. My mother sat on the bank. The boat is now for sale.

Shocker indeed. Hell – this could have also been a Just Plain Dumb now that I think about it.

Just Plain Dumb: I cannot say no. Someone could ask me if I’d like to light my eyes on fire and I’d probably say yes. My nail lady asked me to make her all her business cards and sit down with her and figure out an advertising campaign. Apparently I think there are more than 24 hours in a day or that I’m not busy enough. Jesus, Mary and Bart.

Morsel: I went on a 200 mile, 12 hour Harley ride on Saturday with over 20 people. Some I knew, some I did not. I wasn’t scared to go. I didn’t get nervous. My ass never popped a single hive. I was sweating – but it was from the 100 degree weather. Holy violet vibrating vagizzles – did you read what I just wrote? It’s freaking monumental if I do say so myself!

Morsel: Because I was out being a leather biker bitch all weekend, I didn’t eat the greatest. I didn’t go overboard but just to try to work off the non-Nutri-system food I did the treadmill for 75 minutes last night. I refuse to weigh for a few days just so I don’t get too pissed at myself. I’d like to just say that in all the motorcycle pictures I look super chumpy (chubby + plumpy)…and that made me sad.

Morsel: Remember the blinged out Harley pants? I wore them to the soccer game as we were leaving for our ride right from there and a girl came from across the field and said, “I saw you in these pants and had to come over and see them. They are so cute.” Yup – totally worth the cost of feeding a small country indeed.

Just Plain Dumb: The heat index here may get into the 120 degree range and it’s downright dangerous to be out in. All I can think about is the fact that Rambo has to be in this heat all day – enclosed with no air – in the prison. Some of the inmates get air conditioning but he doesn’t. Ack – can you even imagine the smell? Nearly 500 men who haven’t showered and equally as many toilets with no air circulation?

I remind myself of this little detail every time I whine about how hot it is in my air conditioned office.

PS – Rambo came home safe obviously and so far all 5 guys who had feces thrown on them are okay. One of them got it in his mouth and eyes and they won’t know if he got AIDS from it for a while I don’t think. Thank you for all the prayers and thoughts last week and here’s hoping this week is boring at the prison right?

Just Plain Dumb: My all-time favorite time to run is in the heat. Rambo won’t allow me to even step foot outside to exercise after ending up in the hospital with IVs after the last time I ran in 100 degree heat. Does anyone have any tips on how to erase that one little incident from his head? Mama wants to get her sweat on!

How about you? Got any shockers, morsels or just plain dumb things you’d like to get off your chest?


Dawnya said...

I'm with Rambo on this one. Stay your ass in the house. It's dangerous!! Don't make me come to podunk and kick your butt. STAY IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!

~Lisa~ said...

Sounds like a great weekend! And yay for you and your ride too!! I'm thrilled for YOU!!

I agree with Dawnya.. Stay in!! It's wayyy too hot to be out sweating!

Cat said...

I'm so thrilled about your ride with people you didn't know and not breaking out in ass hives! that is a huge victory for you! *puffy hearts*

Also - I'm so jealous of the ass bling on those harley jeans. /nod /nod

And no my dear, your darling Rambo has the right of it, you must stay inside to exercise and jump on the dreadmill when it's plus 100! No more heat exhaustion for you. Or...if you really gotta, maybe some "extra special" dessert will make him knocked out and you can run while he naps! *grin*

Leslie said...

I'm so glad your ride with lots of people went well. :-)

Lisa said...

Sounds like a good weekend to me! lol You always make me laugh. :)

- Lisa

Justawallflower said...

Have you ever seen any episodes of Prison Break? It was on a few years ago. Anyway, we have it on DVD, and every time we watch it I think of you and Rambo! Thanks to your stories of late I had to start watching it again! Glad he is okay, and hope all the others end up okay and get good tests back. If not, they should put that guy in the electric chair!

And really, boats go in water? I was unaware of that. We want a pontoon boat, so ofter times (cause we certainly can't afford it currently) go to BJ's and sit in the ones they have in the parking lot and pretend we own water there. So I think you may be confused on how boats work!

Bodacious Boomer said...


Amanda Kiska said...

I agree with everyone about not running in the heat. With your migraines, dehydration is a big NO-NO. I'm sorry Rambo has to work in those conditions. That sounds pretty miserable!

Ronnie said...

I agree with Dawnya! :) Btw, what is with these puffy hearts that Cat is always handing out to everyone but me?

Share. :(

Kelly said...

I love love love your blog!

Beth Ann said...

The ride sounds uber fun!! Glad that you enjoyed it.

120 heat index? Bleh, bleh, bleh! Stay inside, my friend. :)

Maria said...

Are there pics of these blingy motorcycle pants? I wants to see them!

Cece said...

120 heat index = sauna = weight falling off you. Sit outside - do not run. Need to add: Riding motorcyle to my bucket list - thanks for the reminder !

Laurie said...

Where do you get this stuff? I LOVE the way you write!

Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

There's nothing you can't do with your sparkly ass jeans and Rambo by your side.

Btw, isn't it just awesome watching parents do dumb shit? You have to scratch your head and think -- you're the one that used to tell me "because I say so."

AutumnLeaves said...

I must admit that the boat story made me giggle (though not for all your mom has been through and her fears). That is so something we would do. I am just dying to know if you live near me (a couple of things you've said make me wonder, and your hubby's profession as I am near two prisons). The heat is killer here too and we do not have central air. Fans baby.

Hyla said...

I want a link to these pants you speak oF!